Discussion Am I the only one who act like I'm not planning on ctb?

[PinkFlower]

I like to imagine myself with my dream career, a little but nice apartment in Norway, maybe a girlfriend or at least being enough socially active to meet new friends.
It is such a weird feeling because I'm still doing (mostly) everything I need to do to achive my goals but I know for a fact I'll be gone in the next 4-5 months or sooner.

I could do nothing and spend the rest of my life chilling but I can't stop working like my dreams depends on it :s

 

[magikalangelmimi]

i'm definitely the same way, i've been working hard on my dreams and stuff even though it'll be an effort not worth haha, especially when i plan to be gone soonish

 

[PinkFlower]

i'm definitely the same way, i've been working hard on my dreams and stuff even though it'll be an effort not worth haha, especially when i plan to be gone soonish

Exacly! What is the point? I really don't get it but I feel too anxious doing otherwise lol

 

[Wilting Daisy]

Because in a sense, they do ❤
We imagine a better version of ourselves bringing us peace.
If you achieved your dreams in the next 4-5 months, would you still consider CTB in that timeframe?

 

[nico1420]

It's wierd, i do the same, without going too deep in the analisys, i would say, in my case, it's like a mask, cause it would be too stressful acting My real self, i mean if i acted depresed every eye would be ser upon me, this way i can plan and execute My plan preassure free

 

[ianista]

Maybe you don't have such a hard depression, so you still function perfectly. And maybe, if you are suicidal and your wish to leave this world real and big, at the same time you still have hope. At least it seems that you have a dream and know what you want, that can be important to keep on working.

Human beings can be quite ambivalent and several contradictory feelings/wishes can be there at the same time

 

[PinkFlower]

Because in a sense, they do ❤
We imagine a better version of ourselves bringing us peace.
If you achieved your dreams in the next 4-5 months, would you still consider CTB in that timeframe?

I would be probably still interested in ctb but maybe I would have enough hope to give myself more time to think about it

 

[chronicphysicalpain]

I act the same. It's just the easiest way to cope in any case...

 

[ratgirl40216]

I like to imagine myself with my dream career, a little but nice apartment in Norway, maybe a girlfriend or at least being enough socially active to meet new friends.
It is such a weird feeling because I'm still doing (mostly) everything I need to do to achive my goals but I know for a fact I'll be gone in the next 4-5 months or sooner.

I could do nothing and spend the rest of my life chilling but I can't stop working like my dreams depends on it :s

No I am the same. If I don't keep the mask on my therapist and medical power of attorney will slap me in the hospital

 

[Lily (Osako)]

I'm definitely doing the same. Talking about the future with people, setting money aside for a trip, dieting and trying to exercise so I can be as fit as I possibly can be (very difficult with my disease)
I feel as though I'm two people. The one everyone irl get to see and then the real me, the one everyone here gets to see.
I look like I have it together more or less offline, but here I'm not afraid to show what a mess I really am. One day I don't care about anything at all and the next I'm so positive about everything it creeps me out.
So yes, I'm going on about life as though I'm not planning to ctb soon.

 

[greywings]

I do a bit of the same. I make plans and goals—some with people. If I stopped then I think I wouldn't be able to avoid ctb sooner and my plan to help my roommates get some financial stability first (and pay another back) would be in the trash. I plan to keep it up even as I get closer to my day because it's not just to help me hang in there, but also to keep folks from thinking I'd do it. I let it slip once to a friend during one of my last attempts and I don't really want them to think I'll try again. I still have a hard time answering questions about why I won't get a cat or talk to more people when I'm asked directly, though. (Don't wanna leave it when I go, wanna limit the area of effect from going, and so on...)