Venting Am I not suffering enough?

[traintracks.mp3]

Sometimes I wish to CTB, but I see other's experiences online and feel as if I'm not suffering enough to do so. Articles deeming my mental health issues manageable, stories of the most painful disorders, and complications that could've struck me but did not. Due to others assessments of my conditions, my pain should only be moderate. I wonder to myself, am I just weak? Do I even deserve to finally die? If anyone has any thoughts on this situation I would like to hear.

 

[aWeeBitTired]

I think it's hard because I want to feel validated with my suffering bc it's actually miserable to wake up in the morning and exists seeing others...

Something I try to do is think about what I find easy to do that others cant do, and do those things for the sake of them.

 

[traintracks.mp3]

I think it's hard because I want to feel validated with my suffering bc it's actually miserable to wake up in the morning and exists seeing others...

Something I try to do is think about what I find easy to do that others cant do, and do those things for the sake of them.

That is a good idea. I think that I've been too caught up in the fact that I want others to validate my pain that I am not noticing the things I can do.

 

[Meteora]

The only thing that counts is your subjective feeling. If your life feels unbearable then that's valid.

stories of the most painful disorders, and complications that could've struck me but did not.

There's a lot of suffering and pain out there that has never been classified as a disease/disorder. I wouldn't trust medicine, I d rather trust your own feeling.

What I understand from your post is that you're smart and sensitive. That involves the danger of suffering.

 

[WhatPowerIs]

I am wondering the same thing about myself... I'm wondering if I should just count my blessings and continue to live with my misery because other people have it worse.
Btw, what is your profile picture from?

 

[traintracks.mp3]

I am wondering the same thing about myself... I'm wondering if I should just count my blessings and continue to live with my misery because other people have it worse.
Btw, what is your profile picture from?

I believe it is a photography piece, I found it off pinterest.

I think I've gotten into such a deep well of self hatred that I don't even think I deserve to die, that it would be too easy for me. I often find myself thinking I am an attention-seeker of some sorts because of this.

 

[return.]

This felt like you read my mind. I feel this so hard. I'm in so much pain and I know it. But whenever I go online I see people suffering from far worse things. I feel like if I opened up about my problems I would get criticized for it, even if it's just behind my back. I go online and I see people talk poorly and look down on my problems and the people who suffer from similar problems. This makes me feel like I should easily be able to handle myself. I don't even know what's real or fake anymore. I hear people's stories and wonder to myself, "am I just weak?" You said that this has made you feel like you don't deserve to die. But this has had the opposite effect on me.

 

[Forever Sleep]

Personally, I don't see it as a competition. No one knows what it's like to be you or me or anyone else. Surely, our own experience is the valid one. Plus, honestly, it irritates me. It would feel like a valid argumement if I could give my relatively easy life to someone else who wanted a break- and I would. I'm sure you would too if it meant we were released from this. What difference does it make to a complete stranger in dire circumstances, whether I die now or in my 80's? What affect does my life or death have on them?

I think it's fine- great even if you see them as some kind of inspirational figure. They can pull through despite terrible circumstances, which inspires me to do the same. But, if all you feel is guilt and shame then, I don't see how it helps.

Why should we feel that way anyway? Is life compulsory? Did we agree to it? Did we sign a contract, or make a promise? No- we were given life by our parents and now we are being emotionally blackmailed to contend with it. Sorry but I don't think that's fair.

I don't need anyone to validate my feelings about my own life. I've had 44 years to formulate them. It's up to me whether I want to change them, live with them or, act on them and I'm happy to let them do the same with their lives.

 

[tronix]

Sometimes I wish to CTB, but I see other's experiences online and feel as if I'm not suffering enough to do so. Articles deeming my mental health issues manageable, stories of the most painful disorders, and complications that could've struck me but did not. Due to others assessments of my conditions, my pain should only be moderate. I wonder to myself, am I just weak? Do I even deserve to finally die? If anyone has any thoughts on this situation I would like to hear.

I feel you. Even here I see all these awful stories and I empathize with people knowing it could be worse for me because I don't have any serious health issues, no terminal diseases, no financial or housing problems... I'm just weak. In emotional pain. I could try to make things better but I've already tried in the past and it doesn't get any better. I'm in a loop, endless loop of failures and I also feel like a failure. For everyone else it seems I'm a drama queen who has it all and just needs to deal with a breakup, love myself, and find my own peace. I'm well aware some people are in far worse position than I am. Does it help? Does it change anything for me? I feel even more guilty because of that knowing I'm so insecure, powerless, fragile, hopeless.