Am I just ready or suppressing my emotions?

[tarococo]

Even tho I've felt numb for quite a while now I feel that something has changed since I have a set method, date and partner. It's hard to explain, it's a different kind of feeling numb. I feel nothing but a weird calmness, everything bad just doesn't matter anymore.

Sure, the thought of dying is frightening, but not because I fear death. I know that we all die, I know I would've died anyway someday, I'm just leaving a bit earlier. But we don't know what happens when we go, and obviously thats scary.

And still, thinking about leaving fills me with comfort. It just feels weird to me that even tho I think about it constantly, I never find myself to be unsettled or questioning my decision.
Maybe I'm overthinking this, but what if I'm just not realizing what I'm doing? Is it normal to feel this detached from everything, to be able to think this rationally about my own death and to even look forward to it sometimes?

Obviously I'll know when the day comes, but the thought of everything hitting me last minute when I feel so safe and confident now scares me more than anything else, I am terrified of chickening out.

How do I know if I'm actually ready to leave?

 

[FuneralCry]

I think only you know if you are ready after all, it's just a feeling the individual has. But I think it's really understandable feeling comforted by the thought of leaving this existence, I personally see death as the only relief as I believe it to be nothingness where all is forgotten about.