Venting Am I just being pathetic?

[SativaKherifa]

Mind you I'm typing this in tears ad im crying in bed because I'm having a mental breakdown and therefore I'm on this site again

I'm 22 years old and I live in the Netherlands. I've got a steady job, even in these quarantine times. I work in finances and IT in this small homecare company. I got a good relationship with my boss. And I've got lots of friends.

My problems mainly are:

I've never been in a relationship. The only woman I've ever loved is now happy with someone else in a steady relationship, not married yet though. And it hurts. I think about her every single day. The sad part is, we were only best friends from 11yo to 15yo. She was the best thing that's happened to me and it pains that it isnt mutual

I also have vitiligo, a skin disorder, on my face which can be jarring to some, having two skin tones and all.. And it makes me insecure. People on the street often look at me. Hard to judge WHY they're looking but constantly I think its because of my skin. Also everytime I look back people just quickly look away. In the same fashion every time. Not to mention I'm not one of the most handsome people out there. I accepted that I'm ugly. In one week time of Tinder swiping I received 0 likes.

My parents are divorced, recently. But because of financial situations we still live under the same roof. I know the relationship between my parents are terrible, but I have to see that every day though.

I don't do much. I'm fat, I only play videogames right now. I smoke weed almost daily because that what keeps me content. Coincidentally, I didnt smoke any today and now I'm crying in bed.

People keep telling me that because I'm 22 years old that I have a whole life way ahead of me. But I feel like I'm pressured by society to find love. Everyone arounds me tells me to get a girlfriend and stuff. And.. I have never been with a woman before so.. And I only think about one woman who obviously doesnt like me and I cant get over.

I have all I need to CTB with SN and now I feel like I'm gonna kill myself over a girl and my parents. I really want to, though. But everytime I think that things get better and that I'm too young. But still I feel like time's running out.

That being said I'm open for a CTB partner still

 

[CoalmineCanary]

No, you're just being human.

 

[mikenoir]

Mind you I'm typing this in tears ad im crying in bed because I'm having a mental breakdown and therefore I'm on this site again

I'm 22 years old and I live in the Netherlands. I've got a steady job, even in these quarantine times. I work in finances and IT in this small homecare company. I got a good relationship with my boss. And I've got lots of friends.

My problems mainly are:

I've never been in a relationship. The only woman I've ever loved is now happy with someone else in a steady relationship, not married yet though. And it hurts. I think about her every single day. The sad part is, we were only best friends from 11yo to 15yo. She was the best thing that's happened to me and it pains that it isnt mutual

I also have vitiligo, a skin disorder, on my face which can be jarring to some, having two skin tones and all.. And it makes me insecure. People on the street often look at me. Hard to judge WHY they're looking but constantly I think its because of my skin. Also everytime I look back people just quickly look away. In the same fashion every time. Not to mention I'm not one of the most handsome people out there. I accepted that I'm ugly. In one week time of Tinder swiping I received 0 likes.

My parents are divorced, recently. But because of financial situations we still live under the same roof. I know the relationship between my parents are terrible, but I have to see that every day though.

I don't do much. I'm fat, I only play videogames right now. I smoke weed almost daily because that what keeps me content. Coincidentally, I didnt smoke any today and now I'm crying in bed.

People keep telling me that because I'm 22 years old that I have a whole life way ahead of me. But I feel like I'm pressured by society to find love. Everyone arounds me tells me to get a girlfriend and stuff. And.. I have never been with a woman before so.. And I only think about one woman who obviously doesnt like me and I cant get over.

I have all I need to CTB with SN and now I feel like I'm gonna kill myself over a girl and my parents. I really want to, though. But everytime I think that things get better and that I'm too young. But still I feel like time's running out.

That being said I'm open for a CTB partner still

You don't know how much I understand you.
Young. I don't care about girls or relationships. I only care about one girl. I actually humiliated myself in front of her. That's funny, huh? Yes, boyfriend, happy, etc. And the funny thing I keep seeing them on Friday nights when I go out. That's the only time I'm out the house and try to forget my existence with booze and "friends". Now, I have so much anxiety. I'm happy never to go out again until I CTB. I love her. A big part of CTB so early for me is because of that. Been crying my eyes out daily for the past 9 months and counting. And, yes I also am ugly. My looks is probably why I fucked up. Not much confidence.

I don't have any words of encouragement. Do whatever is best for you. But I'm really happy that there is a way out, so all can be forgotten. Hopefully can get SN. And I wish I could try some weed more often. Hand me some? If you ever need to talk, you know it.

Peace out.

 

[ZardozOmega]

Desire for love and affection is a human thing, so don't worry too much about it.

 

[justanotherstar]

Your not pathetic at all, your pain and suffering is as valid as anybody elses. I think it's natural to feel conflicted, it sounds like a good thing right now, you can want to CTB and also have hope that things will get better. You said yourself your young and sometimes things get better and that stops you, maybe for now that's enough of a reason to keep going. Sometimes having the means to CTB makes it easier to keep going because if things don't change you have a way out but CTB is a one time deal and you'll never find another woman of you go now. Who knows how things might change for you. It's such a hard decision and yours only but I hope you keep talking and come to that conclusion with the help of SS. Wishing you peace on your quest