Venting am I guilty for this?

[underscore_nine]

hi, I really want to CTB. I tried to several months ago but I fucked up and told too many people and ended up being sent to the hospital and had to lie my ass off to not get put in the grippy socks institute. Regardless here I am, giving it another try, I have decided to tell no one, while I am stupid I do learn and know not to tell many people or anyone at all if I can help it. My girlfriend however will most definitely take her own life if I take mine, I feel like shit for doing this to her and killing myself while we're still together but it's become somewhat of a one side dynamic. She loves me and I love the idea of being gone from this cruel world and somewhere else. I know I shouldn't abandon her like this but i'm facing a lot of abuse right now and I just want to leave so fucking bad. I just need a little insight im sorry if the structure of this message is complete garbage

 

[cetacea]

you aren't guilty of anything, you're so very kind for thinking of her and how she might feel. i am sorry you are facing abuse, that's really awful. you dont have to feel guilty

 

[pushinguppoppies]

You aren't guilty of any wrongdoing, I promise. Suicide isn't selfish. We aren't responsible for how other people react to it. I've also been through abuse and I understand how soul crushing it is. It's okay to feel that way.

 

[yeahokbuddyboy]

At least from what you've said here, I'm in a very similar boat to you. I'm so sorry.

 

[hermestrimegistus]

I'm not going to judge you wanting to CTB but if you truly love your partner I would highly suggest breaking up with them before you CTB. If you're still together when you CTB they will blame themselves and feel guilt like there was something they could've done. You shouldn't do that to someone you love. If you're going to CTB, create distance first. Lessen the blow. Have them already lose you metaphorically before its a permanent thing. Don't make them hurt

 

[underscore_nine]

I'm not going to judge you wanting to CTB but if you truly love your partner I would highly suggest breaking up with them before you CTB. If you're still together when you CTB they will blame themselves and feel guilt like there was something they could've done. You shouldn't do that to someone you love. If you're going to CTB, create distance first. Lessen the blow. Have them already lose you metaphorically before its a permanent thing. Don't make them hurt

she said she's going to CTB if I leave her anyways,, idk what difference it will make at this point unfortunately. Before you say it, no it is not a healthy relationship at all :)

 

[hermestrimegistus]

she said she's going to CTB if I leave her anyways,, idk what difference it will make at this point unfortunately. Before you say it, no it is not a healthy relationship at all :)

I don't think its right to ever threaten that. But you're still better off leaving her first. She will get over losing you to a breakup easier than she would if you CTB. I mean its your life obviously. I just think it'd be wrong to do that to someone you care about. Even if your relationship is self admittedly unhealthy. Waking up one day and your partner being gone is probably a terrible feeling.