Venting Am I even worth suicide?

[Peachycherry]

Hey everyone.
I'm glad I found this site. I've been struggling for a long while with suicidal thoughts but as a lot of other people too, it's been getting worse lately. Thing is, I don't think I'm even worth suicide. I have a 'good life' by all means: my family loves and supports me, I have friends who I talk to from time to time, and I'm pretty good at school. Yet I feel like life just isn't made for me. I struggle so much with anxiety and depression every single moment of every single day, it's unbearable. And I know the easy way to fix this: ( read this in annoying tumblr egirl voice ) "Just get some help! Reach out to a friend!" But that's the problem!! I cannot !! I'm so socially anxious I physically cannot voice my struggle. I've never even been able to call a suicide hotline, so I can't imagine having a discussion with my friends or family members. So getting 'professional help' is absolutely out of the picture too. The only time I've been able to get help was when I was in high school and a teacher ratted me out to the counselor because I kept having panic attacks in her class.
But here's the thing: I don't feel like I'm worth struggling so much. I'm sure you can imagine someone's ctb reasons: they're going through abuse, they're socially isolated, they're terminally ill, they lost the only person they liked, etc. BUT I HAVE NONE OF THAT. SO WHY CAN'T I JUST APPRECIATE LIFE. WHY CANT I JUST GET SOME HELP. WHY DOES CTB FEEL LIKE THE ONLY OPTION.
I truly believe not everyone is made for living and that is my case somehow. I have everything in life yet I just can't live it. I live seeing my friends my age go on in life. Meanwhile I don't have my driving license yet, never had a significant other, can't find a job. I know these might seem like small obstacles but to me they're not achievable. I can't imagine a future. This is the end. I have nothing to lose. I dont feel anything about my friends and family. I know I'll hurt them but they're strong unlike me, they'll get over it. And honestly I'll be dead so it's not like I'll get to see it. Not sure if this makes sense to anyone, I'm glad if it does. Just waiting for right timing from now on.

 

[Life_and_Death]

but you are worth suicide. by saying you arent worth suicide youre saying that you shouldnt feel the way you feel and you are devaluing yourself only making yourself feel worse. try telling yourself that you feel this way for a reason, because you do and thats ok. everyone experiences things differently, just because you didnt go through something traumatic doesnt mean that life is meant for you anymore then it is for the rest of it.

 

[Dark Spring]

I am just like you, I don't have or had a bad life, just some traumatic situations last year, but I still feel that my reasons for CTB are not enough. Six months ago my anxiety and depression reached a point where I thought it was all over for me. I finally sought help from a psychologist and psychiatrist and am now on medication. Medication helps me a little bit, to sleep more than anything else, because I couldn't sleep for weeks and it was driving me crazy. My experience of seeking help was mainly because it kills me to leave my boyfriend and my two younger brothers alone.
But the decision to seek help comes from within, if you think that's what will help you do it, otherwise don't do it because you'll be wasting your time. Also, when you look for help, whatever it is, you have to be open to the opinions of those who are going to help you, starting therapy reluctantly would be ridiculous.

 

[Peachycherry]

but you are worth suicide. by saying you arent worth suicide youre saying that you shouldnt feel the way you feel and you are devaluing yourself only making yourself feel worse. try telling yourself that you feel this way for a reason, because you do and thats ok. everyone experiences things differently, just because you didnt go through something traumatic doesnt mean that life is meant for you anymore then it is for the rest of it.

Thank you for that. I have to remember that feelings are valid. Take care.

I am just like you, I don't have or had a bad life, just some traumatic situations last year, but I still feel that my reasons for CTB are not enough. Six months ago my anxiety and depression reached a point where I thought it was all over for me. I finally sought help from a psychologist and psychiatrist and am now on medication. Medication helps me a little bit, to sleep more than anything else, because I couldn't sleep for weeks and it was driving me crazy. My experience of seeking help was mainly because it kills me to leave my boyfriend and my two younger brothers alone.
But the decision to seek help comes from within, if you think that's what will help you do it, otherwise don't do it because you'll be wasting your time. Also, when you look for help, whatever it is, you have to be open to the opinions of those who are going to help you, starting therapy reluctantly would be ridiculous.

Thank you, your point of view makes a lot of sense to me.

 

[Life_and_Death]

Thank you for that. I have to remember that feelings are valid. Take care.

i spent years telling myself it wasnt that bad. and i still do but not quite as often so i understand the feeling of not being worth suicide.

 

[Ghost2211]

It can be so much easier to trash ourselves rather than see the good we do. It also becomes habitual to beat ourselves up. If you ever want a friend to talk to feel free to reach out any time.

 

[InterstateFlowers]

You're not alone and I can relate to feeling like I don't deserve suicide because I haven't "suffered" as much as anyone else. Who am I to kill myself when that girl was abused so much worse than me? I don't suffer from anything physically so it's like what the hell? Anxiety and depression is tough and I keep telling myself it's stupid to compare suffering anyways. I'm sorry you're going through this, feel free to reach out to me too.

 

[sadgirl2002]

You are worth suicide, depression and anxiety are valid reasons for CTB. We have all been through different things and yet, we are all here on this forum. You already feel terrible about things so please don't put yourself down more by saying you're not worth suicide. You feel suicidal for a reason and that's okay.

 

[Trayus]

Your feelings are absolutely valid. Life has no intrinsic value, there is no deeper meaning to it. It only has the meaning that we are able to assign to it - and not everyone is able to do that! Society pushes you really fucking hard to become a productive member, do your job, pay your taxes, etc. But if you cant find a meaning to life, you shouldnt be forced to live through it!

You were brought into this world against your will, but if it is your will to go out on your own terms that is 1000% worth it!