Discussion Am I an asshole for contacting my best friend's parents after she told me she's going to ctb

[SanguineShark]

She's extremely upset and unstable and told me she's going to slit her throat, I panicked and told another friend who has number to her parents that she needs to contact them.. That friend who's suicidal has no desire to live and only has 1 art project keeping her alive, I understand her as I'm also suicidal.. but I just.. I can't lose her like this, we were having a conversation and she was upset and I felt like I just made her mood worse, I just don't know what to do, it's so hard losing someone when I already lost a friend because they ctb... I know I act like a shitty pro-lifer but I'd much prefer if I could at least have a calm conversation with her or even straight up ctb with her, not feeling like I caused her to be more upset than she was before..

 

[Smelly_ballz]

I think it is best you stopped her because slitting your throat is crazy painful and just straight up unreliable. It probably wouldn't have worked, been messy, and be agonizing. It is human to not want someone close to you to leave, so your actions are very understandable.

 

[Meditation guide]

What do YOU think is what's important.

 

[sash]

Hi. Is it because she was impulsive? Like if she was calm, knew her own mind, then you wouldn't have raised the alarm?

 

[SanguineShark]

I think it is best you stopped her because slitting your throat is crazy painful and just straight up unreliable. It probably wouldn't have worked, been messy, and be agonizing. It is human to not want someone close to you to leave, so your actions are very understandable.

Yeah it does sound like a bad method, and I just still need her in my life

 

[tiger b]

Actions must be taken in context, and you had to assess the situation, very rapidly. I think your response to what you describe seems very rational. However, noone who might comment here was there, and it's easy someone else saying what they'd do in a quickly developing situation.

 

[SanguineShark]

Hi. Is it because she was impulsive? Like if she was calm, knew her own mind, then you wouldn't have raised the alarm?

After thinking about it a lot, I don't know, I have no idea how I would act

 

[Praestat_Mori]

That is unfortunately the unsolvable problem for everyone. Either we suffer because of the loss of a friend / family member or the one who suffers so much that they are forced to consider CTB and see no other way out of their misery that can last for many more decades.

Considering the fact here that slitting the throat will most likely only cause so much more pain I think it's ok to interfere before anything worse (terrible injuries) are happening. This can still be pro-choice with a humane method.

 

[Kasumi]

Yea, I do think that was probably the wrong way to go about this.
Not that you stopped her - there are better ways than to slit your throat and that decision should be made carefully not on impulse - but that you told her parents, thats more likely to cause her more problems and possibly cause her to actually pull through on something impulsive.

I think instead you should've talked to her, visited her if possible.
And if in the end she really wanted to die that way,.. I think we all would like our decision on when and how to be respected.

 

[tiger b]

But if talking to someone is triggering them further, maybe telling their parents is the lesser of two evils in this situation.

I think the 'in the end' is a separate issue here.

Just my opinion, of course.

 

[username8888]

That friend who's suicidal has no desire to live and only has 1 art project keeping her alive, I understand her as I'm also suicidal.. but I just.. I can't lose her like this, we were having a conversation and she was upset and I felt like I just made her mood worse, I just don't know what to do, it's so hard losing someone when I already lost a friend because they ctb...

I have already fallen in this pit hole nowadays. I have lost my sister who was also an artist. I thought it wouldn't affect me but losing her hit me hard. I somehow can relate to your situation.

 

[sash]

After thinking about it a lot, I don't know, I have no idea how I would act

Hi, You asked if u were being an ass for telling, because it was impulsive and probably would have ended badly, as in damaged for life. Whereas if you had walked in and she was calm, made sense and had all the kit and instructions laid out, would you have told. Or is it also that it was a shock as you didnt think she was 'going' yet.
Anyone thinking of ctb is broken. Your friend is broken, we all are really. Whether u said something or just because its a monday could tip her over the edge, even kindness can break us at times eh. You cannot blame yourself if what u said was NOT intended to tip her over the edge, she was already on it. What you did (most likely) do impulsively was save her from a failed attempt and permanent damage/scarring.
You didnt tell to get her in trouble, u acted without thought. Whats done is done.
Assume yr friend will now recieve 'help' as their parents are involved? When yr friend is ready, have an honest chat about you both. Reliable methods that take time to plan, clear (as it can be) mind. Not impulse ways. Like a cooldown period kinda thing.

*edit, even say 4hr plan to get things together, write notes etc, just something to focus the mind and bring some kind of clarity, not on the spot impulse may not work plan.

 

[SanguineShark]

but that you told her parents, thats more likely to cause her more problems and possibly cause her to actually pull through on something impulsive.

I think instead you should've talked to her, visited her if possible.

her parents are very aware of her struggles and mental health issues, she even talked with her mom yesterday
and she's from another country so I can't visit her
and I was talking to her, I only contacted the other friend about the situation after she stopped replying to me

 

[username8888]

she even talked with her mom yesterday
and she's from another country so I can't visit her

It's damn relatable. Fuck.

 

[tiger b]

It's been a week dude, so recent. Tap out if you need to. I'm sorry for your loss.

 

[SanguineShark]

It's been a week dude, so recent. Tap out if you need to. I'm sorry for your loss.

not sure if I understand

 

[tiger b]

Sorry, was directed at poster above.

 

[username8888]

It's been a week dude, so recent. Tap out if you need to. I'm sorry for your loss.

If I need that. Thanks.

 

[Deleted member 65988]

I think it is best you stopped her because slitting your throat is crazy painful and just straight up unreliable. It probably wouldn't have worked, been messy, and be agonizing. It is human to not want someone close to you to leave, so your actions are very understandable.

100%, this would've ended up very, very messy and painful. It would've caused so much necessary suffering so for OP, I would've done the same thing.

 

[SanguineShark]

She replied to me a few times after I made this post, but it's silence again. Idk if she's ok or not.. I'm really conflicted with myself as I just can't let her go like that, I'd blame myself until the end of time if I didn't try to help... recently she mentioned she could turn her life around by trying a different type of work that she might enjoy, I wish she could at least try that still...
I know I'm a hypocrite, I'm in somewhat planning stage of my own ctb, I just never know when to do it and tiny things keep me alive still

 

[username8888]

not sure if I understand

I have lost my sister recently and the way you described the situations were similar.
Your friend being abroad and she/he is an artist.
My sister was abroad and an artist and took her own life recently.
I hope you solve the problem without any trouble for you and your friend. Best wishes.

 

[SanguineShark]

I have lost my sister recently and the way you described the situations were similar.
Your friend being abroad and she/he is an artist.
My sister was abroad and an artist and took her own life recently.
I hope you solve the problem without any trouble for you and your friend. Best wishes.

I'm really sorry to hear that.. I'm also an artist so I understand the pain some of us can go through. I wish the best for you.

 

[hermestrimegistus]

No. You're a very good friend for doing so. Dont let anyone tell you otherwise

 

[Deleted member 65988]

She replied to me a few times after I made this post, but it's silence again. Idk if she's ok or not.. I'm really conflicted with myself as I just can't let her go like that, I'd blame myself until the end of time if I didn't try to help... recently she mentioned she could turn her life around by trying a different type of work that she might enjoy, I wish she could at least try that still...
I know I'm a hypocrite, I'm in somewhat planning stage of my own ctb, I just never know when to do it and tiny things keep me alive still

Of course you'd blame yourself because you care, you care deeply about your friend, that much is clear upon reflection of your words on this post. You want what's best for her and i can't find fault in that, i would've done the same thing. You're fucking awesome as a friend by the sounds of it.

 

[SanguineShark]

Of course you'd blame yourself because you care, you care deeply about your friend, that much is clear upon reflection of your words on this post. You want what's best for her and i can't find fault in that, i would've done the same thing. You're fucking awesome as a friend by the sounds of it.

thank you;; <3

 

[tiger b]

How long ago did this happen? How are you feeling now?

 

[penguinl0v3s]

This was reasonable in my opinion. Nothing good about impulsive ctb.

 

[Walpurgisnacht]

but I just.. I can't lose her like this

I understand feeling like this, it's very hard to let people you care about go even if you do recognise their suffering and respect their decision, it definitely hurts a lot.
I can't say for sure, but, in this case at least, it seems as though she was acting irrationally; that method would almost certainly make her suffer more and I would've reacted the same way you did I think.
It doesn't sound like a well thought out decision on her part, and personally I wouldn't say what you did was wrong. If you'd called the cops instead, then yeah that would've been wrong to do; but what you did sounds reasonable, and what she was trying to do with that method does not.
That's just my opinion.

I intervened in a loved one's impromptu suicide attempt once, I stopped her from going until I got there at least, and that was enough time that she changed her mind about leaving then. I would've gone with her if she did choose that she still wanted it, but after she let me take care of her and started getting better after a few days, she said she wanted to try living again. When she was in less acute stress and suffering, she noticed that in the big picture, her life was seeming less hopeless than she had thought.
I was so afraid and so scared of losing her I just lost it, I dropped everything and drove several hours to be with her and look after her. My other loved ones at the time were begging me to have her involuntarily hospitalised (they didn't know her address) but I refused to physically intervene with her method of choice or forcefully stop her, that would've just been too out of line to me; I know what it's like I suppose.

I still don't know if I did the right thing by stopping her when I did, I hope I didn't just make things worse... But every time I see her smile now I wonder if the extra time and experiences she's had since recovering from that have been worth it for her... I hope they have.

or even straight up ctb with her

Double-suicides have pros and cons, you both need to make sure you've made your decision for yourself, not for the other person. Otherwise things can get messy. If you genuinely want this, think carefully about it and talk about it seriously.
I don't want to die alone, or lose a loved one to suicide when I know I'll just end up immediately following them anyway either, though.

 

[SanguineShark]

How long ago did this happen? How are you feeling now?

she told me she's going to slit her throat exactly 1h15min ago, her last reply was her still contemplating it because she has a hard time doing it bc there's part of her that wants to stay for me. Her parents got successfully contacted about 10 minutes ago..
I'm switching rapidly between crying, panicking, questioning my actions and dissociating

 

[tiger b]

So no time at all, in fact it's still happening.

Support is here if you require it. Just keep talking here. If you feel the need, pm me. Hard but try and stay cool.