Venting Am I alone with this kind of particular problem?

[probablynot]

I feel like this isn't talked about too much, so not sure if anyone can relate, but lately I've found myself in a situation of my biggest fears. Also, first time posting, so I apologize if I'm not hitting the nuance quite right or anything. Since the start of the new year I've had ultimately the worst bout of mental health of my life, and situationally I'm in a spot that feels utterly hopeless. I'm not comfortable getting into specific details, but more or less just a long fight with PTSD, depression, and addiction getting to a really unbearable point. Here's the kicker though, I'm actually in a situation where I feel like I can't CTB. Not to sound too dramatic, but it kind of feels like I'm passively being kept around against my will in a way.

For most of my adult life I feel like I've always had some sort of lingering in my head, "Oh, well if shit really hits the fan or gets too hard, at least I have this". Some sort of often vague but likely effective plan if it were to be enacted. For the first time, not only am I at the worst spot I've ever been in but I just don't have any of those options I had considered prior. Somehow simultaneously I'm without a vehicle (relevant in itself), but also due to that without a job/literally any money as well (I live in a really isolated area/don't have any work from home type experience). Due to sobriety efforts I've made in the past when I was in a much more hopeful spot I've lost any, ahem. local connections that could theoretically be somehow relevant to the cause.

The situation I'm in is pretty dire, and I just don't have a way to get away from it. I know technically I do, but considering I'm seeking to get rid of suffering, I'm just not comfortable/able to go about that in a not so gentle manner. Once again, I hate seeming so dramatic but wow, I never knew there was a level of "even worse" it could get to like this. I did use this to vent a bit, but as ultimately I was wondering if anyone else has been in or currently is in a spot like this as well. Don't get me wrong, it won't make me feel better to know if someone else is experiencing a similar pain I am, but maybe it'd be good to at least know I'm not as alone as I think?

 

[Ironborn]

Welcome first of all, and no you are not alone, plenty of folks here know what you are going through.
Have my own issues with alcoholism and depression which coincidentally came to a head just after new year when I attempted to take my life.
You are in good company here so vent as much as you like, folks here will always have time to listen to whatever you have to say.

 

[LittleCupcake]

I can definitely relate. I have everything I need to ctb, now im just subconsciously thinking is there another way out. I dont believe there is tho

 

[Helvete]

There is always a way out, and I have been exactly where you are before. Especially being broke and isolated without transportation or a job. I actually ended up applying for a bunch of remote jobs online that I wasnt qualified for and BSed my way through the, just fine. A job can help fill alot of that time and provide a good distraction and some money for fun. Addiction is a tough one though, and support groups or accountability partners are a necessity, at least in my experience! Praying things get better for you brother!

 

[probablynot]

There is always a way out, and I have been exactly where you are before. Especially being broke and isolated without transportation or a job. I actually ended up applying for a bunch of remote jobs online that I wasnt qualified for and BSed my way through the, just fine. A job can help fill alot of that time and provide a good distraction and some money for fun. Addiction is a tough one though, and support groups or accountability partners are a necessity, at least in my experience! Praying things get better for you brother!

I'm not sure why, maybe just the way you spoke plainly and didn't hit me with some cliche "it gets better" type crap but hearing something reasonable like that actually does help me feel a bit better/more hopeful. Thank you.

 

[Ouiouirikiki]

Hey my exponential decline started right around last holidays as well not saying I feel u. But I understand. We all relative to what our pain / traumas and how hard they hit us right. My family has completely abandoned me sending me to the cops / hospital at the slightest mental health crisis signs (I'm severe bi-polar manic episodes).

That lead to the cops and health specialists not believing me either thinking it's a form of bi-polar episode. Then my friends etc whole social group.

Can't find a job anymore because of my mental records and all. And anyone I talk too just says
U didn't eat today this that go rest youl feel better wev all heard that.

Point is. I feel I'm living similar pain to u. Completely different story.
If you felt mine and I felt yours our actions would be diff as well.

Just try and remember that comparing might bring more pain then anything else. As you'd think it would validate. I'm very close to CBT not there yet. But slowly. I think it's always good to stay open minded to the time/effort / seriousness of our choices in our dark depths but you are not alone my friend