Venting am i actually suicidal?

[distintivocorazon]

i'm genuienly fucked with my life right now and don't know what to do. I want & have a plan to ctb but I want it to fail. I wanna live how it would feel to attempt to get over SI but I don't want the plan to succeed. I don't know if i'm genuinely suicidal or if this is something that will pass by.

 

[Jorms_McGander]

I think it's important that you don't invalidate yourself, first of all. Suicidality is a gradient, not a toggle switch. If you're struggling and thinking thoughts of ending your life or what it would be like if you didn't exist, then you are having suicidal thoughts. Here is a nifty cartoon!

 

[EvisceratedJester]

If you find yourself continually having thoughts about wanting to kill yourself then you are probably suicidal. For some people, their suicidal tendencies might be a result of them trying to cry for help, some just have thoughts about wanting to kill themselves without wanting to act on those urges at all, and some want to go through with killing themselves. If you still feel unsure, then you could try going through this questionnaire. It's important to note that if you decide to look through it this isn't some perfect measurement of suicidality and that you aren't doing this in a clinical setting. There's always a risk of the score not being a great reflection of your suicidality, so just keep that in mind (there is a reason why most online psychological assessments specify to see a professional if you are able to and not just take those scores by face-value). Still, it there is a chance that it, along with some introspection, may help you better understand where you stand when it comes whether you are suicidal or not.

 

[rozeske]

Attempting suicide in the hopes that it will fail is very very dengerous. Not only could you end up dying when you don't want to, you could also end up with a permanent damage that makes your life worse than it already is. Besides, in order to see how getting over SI would feel like, wouldn't you have to get over SI in the first place?

 

[distintivocorazon]

Attempting suicide in the hopes that it will fail is very very dengerous. Not only could you end up dying when you don't want to, you could also end up with a permanent damage that makes your life worse than it already is. Besides, in order to see how getting over SI would feel like, wouldn't you have to get over SI in the first place?

I guess in the last part you'd be correct, I think i misinterpreted it? I want to more or so get over the fear of death by attempting to then be able to know what'd it'll feel like to almost reach that point. But thank you for this advice.

 

[falling_snow]

oh yeah i get that feeling sometimes. its not like you want to fail, but maybe delaying, procrastinating, getting up in partial... its more like SI, imo.

(you dont have to answer this, but it may help to know if it truly is suicidal ideation)
have you thought of a cause for it or is it more of something building up, was there an event? (reasons help to know)
do you think of recovery? or is there holding you from attempting? is it SI?
is there fear of death, hate for living, mental illnesses?

also remember that SI can be a lot of things, not just a subconscious response of your body like vomiting; they are usually mental to give fear to death or "love and will" to live.

hope this helps, also feel free to DM me!

 

[distintivocorazon]

oh yeah i get that feeling sometimes. its not like you want to fail, but maybe delaying, procrastinating, getting up in partial... its more like SI, imo.

(you dont have to answer this, but it may help to know if it truly is suicidal ideation)
have you thought of a cause for it or is it more of something building up, was there an event? (reasons help to know)
do you think of recovery? or is there holding you from attempting? is it SI?
is there fear of death, hate for living, mental illnesses?

also remember that SI can be a lot of things, not just a subconscious response of your body like vomiting; they are usually mental to give fear to death or "love and will" to live.

hope this helps, also feel free to DM me!

i'm not afraid of death itself, more or so what the process is or what'd it feel like to be in your final moments. i've been wanting to take my life but my attempts feel super 'invalidating' because i've never been like attempted to the point where i've been given medical help, all my attempts were alone and personal, no help or anything whatsoever. never passed out, just simply didn't work.