Always restless

[telemark05]

Im trying to get better but im always restless and stressed. I am so depressed, yet I can't rest at all. I wish I could relax being alone doing nothing, but I can never ever relax. My mind always does some bullshit and im so tired. I remember when I discovered coke I did around 2 grams in 1 hour at a school night all alone because I couldn't make my mind shut up and stop stressing about something, which I don't remember exactly what it even was I stressed about. I also have spent SO much money on driving around all day long to ease my mind, which leaves me tired after but I still can't fucking rest. Weed didn't help either, it made me even more sick. I drink alcohol 5-7 times a week now, because it gives me the illusion that im almost resting but even then I am stressing to rest and just can't feel the relaxation. It feels like im in a constant fight or flight. I work 13 hour shifts, and im so tired but I can't get myself to rest even after that. It often feels like it cripples me and sometimes I scare myself when I think im losing my sanity. My memory is so bad and my cognition barely works. I also used to drive my motorcycle at night every night for hours on like a reckless idiot because I couldn't fucking rest. What is going on with me, why is it impossible for me to rest?

 

[timf]

Perhaps a good first step would be to identify the source of your energy. For example, you might have a natural high energy state. It could be the result of drugs like cocaine, meth, amphetamines, or caffeine. You might have anxieties as a result of fears or apprehensions.

If you have a naturally high energy state, it becomes a question of how best you might manage it. Edison was supposed to have slept very little. You might find inventing things one way. If you can identify anything you have tried like athletics that resulted in a state of needing rest, you might explore those things.

I once saw a device advertised in a newspaper that was simply a small box with a flashing light. The ad said that by starting at the light for 20 minutes, it would reduce stress. I thought if you could stare at a flashing light for 20 minutes, you probably don/t have stress.

There can be advantages to a high level of natural energy. Consider using the time to read, study subjects you might have an interest in, learn to play a musical instrument, or do some freelance work such as learning to repair small engines.

However, if the energy is coming from an unhealthy source, that should be corrected.