telemark05
Member
- May 8, 2025
- 15
Im trying to get better but im always restless and stressed. I am so depressed, yet I can't rest at all. I wish I could relax being alone doing nothing, but I can never ever relax. My mind always does some bullshit and im so tired. I remember when I discovered coke I did around 2 grams in 1 hour at a school night all alone because I couldn't make my mind shut up and stop stressing about something, which I don't remember exactly what it even was I stressed about. I also have spent SO much money on driving around all day long to ease my mind, which leaves me tired after but I still can't fucking rest. Weed didn't help either, it made me even more sick. I drink alcohol 5-7 times a week now, because it gives me the illusion that im almost resting but even then I am stressing to rest and just can't feel the relaxation. It feels like im in a constant fight or flight. I work 13 hour shifts, and im so tired but I can't get myself to rest even after that. It often feels like it cripples me and sometimes I scare myself when I think im losing my sanity. My memory is so bad and my cognition barely works. I also used to drive my motorcycle at night every night for hours on like a reckless idiot because I couldn't fucking rest. What is going on with me, why is it impossible for me to rest?
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