always outcasted.

[halcyon]

my entire life I was bullied. From age 5 and up, nobody ever wanted to talk to me. I was considered "weird". Nobody ever took the time to get to know me. I was just a kid. I was a kid, and I wanted friends, and people would laugh at me and talk about me even when I was an innocent child. They had no idea I was going through sexual abuse and many other things.

Middle school was the worst. I remember I lost most of my hair due to trichotillomania, and although that made me suicidal in itself, the bullying that came along with it was the worst. I was cutting myself every day, I wanted to kill myself almost constantly. I was shit on, made fun of, and bullied constantly. I was getting threatened, people were cornering me in the bathrooms and calling me horrible names, I was pointed at and laughed at. My friends, even my best friend of 8+ years at the time, turned against me. She didn't want to be seen with me. I was rejected by every single fucking person. My family turned against me. Nobody wanted me, nobody took me into their arms and told me that I would be okay. Nobody cared. My mom only cared about my failing grades. She didn't care when my hair came out in clumps, she didn't care when I was cutting myself every single night. Nobody cared. I tried to kill myself in April, 7th grade year. Nobody cared. I was thrown into a psych ward, came out 7 days later and everyone pretended it never happened.

High school was the same. I transferred to a new school after my escapades at my middle school, and started highschool with completely different people. I couldn't make any friends. I tried. I was nice to people, I talked to them. But none of them wanted to be my friend. I was bullied freshman year. People made fun of me for everything. My hair, my clothes, the way I talked. I was just trying to be nice, and I got shit on for everything. I was always rejected, always outcasted. When everyone was sitting with their friends at lunch and in class, I was alone. I was always alone. The only time people talked to me was to be condescending. I began getting abused by the one guy that I knew at school. He was verbally and physically abusive towards me. I was alone. I was completely alone.

So fuck the world for doing this to me. Fuck the human race, fuck all of it. Fuck everyone for rejecting me, for never giving me the chance I deserved. You'll see one day. You'll see.

 

[onleana]

im very very sorry you were treated this way. you are right - you did and still do deserve a chance. your story honestly breakes my heart. i want to hug you so bad right now. life is so fucking unfair

 

[meetapple]

This is truly sad. Your parents turned their backs on you and didn't care about your suicidal ideation and your suffering. Your anger is completely justified. I hope you can achieve an alleviation to your suffering.

 

[TooConscious]

People who've been ostracized to the point of helplessness for no good reason than being given the tools others had, develop an ability only people who've suffered trauma can.
It may not feel like it in a world designed to make us instant gratification, but it's a power, and you can use it.
To make your life better, or help others both, whatever you wish. I notice your picture so assume certain things, when you read Dylan and Eric's writings, I don't think they'd recommend you throw yourself away and least not in the sad demise that happened to them. Where the intelligence services were on to them from the start, and actually manipulated their lives to push them to do what they did, in the exact way they wanted, they didn't want big explosions so they actually tampered with the IED's they'd made, and they only took out other kids who were bullying victims whilst the jocks, sons and daughters of the elite, were nice and safe having been forewarned by a corrupt elite establishment, but that's a whole other rabbit hole. I hope you realize who the real perpetrators are, the real suffering creators who want us harming ourselves and each other. They sit nice and safe and warm in their houses, never pay tax but see that people get thrown out their homes.

 

[FuneralCry]

Some people can be very cruel and awful. I see it as best to stay away from others as they can cause us to experience so much pain. Nobody should have to suffer like that. I'm sorry you have been through all this. I wish you the best.

 

[halcyon]

People who've been ostracized to the point of helplessness for no good reason than being given the tools others had, develop an ability only people who've suffered trauma can.
It may not feel like it in a world designed to make us instant gratification, but it's a power, and you can use it.
To make your life better, or help others both, whatever you wish. I notice your picture so assume certain things, when you read Dylan and Eric's writings, I don't think they'd recommend you throw yourself away and least not in the sad demise that happened to them. Where the intelligence services were on to them from the start, and actually manipulated their lives to push them to do what they did, in the exact way they wanted, they didn't want big explosions so they actually tampered with the IED's they'd made, and they only took out other kids who were bullying victims whilst the jocks, sons and daughters of the elite, were nice and safe having been forewarned by a corrupt elite establishment, but that's a whole other rabbit hole. I hope you realize who the real perpetrators are, the real suffering creators who want us harming ourselves and each other. They sit nice and safe and warm in their houses, never pay tax but see that people get thrown out their homessbr

this is a really interesting response.. i'd like to message with you. pm me?

 

[Feeding Pigeons]

People who've been ostracized to the point of helplessness for no good reason than being given the tools others had, develop an ability only people who've suffered trauma can.
It may not feel like it in a world designed to make us instant gratification, but it's a power, and you can use it.
To make your life better, or help others both, whatever you wish. I notice your picture so assume certain things, when you read Dylan and Eric's writings, I don't think they'd recommend you throw yourself away and least not in the sad demise that happened to them. Where the intelligence services were on to them from the start, and actually manipulated their lives to push them to do what they did, in the exact way they wanted, they didn't want big explosions so they actually tampered with the IED's they'd made, and they only took out other kids who were bullying victims whilst the jocks, sons and daughters of the elite, were nice and safe having been forewarned by a corrupt elite establishment, but that's a whole other rabbit hole. I hope you realize who the real perpetrators are, the real suffering creators who want us harming ourselves and each other. They sit nice and safe and warm in their houses, never pay tax but see that people get thrown out their homes.

Man what the fuck, I never heard about that. Why am I surprised at this point.

 

[angiegirl30]

I'm so sorry this happened to you. You can message me if you'd like. I was ostracized in high school but not anything to the extent that you were. Please know that there are people who still care.

 

[halcyon]

I'm so sorry this happened to you. You can message me if you'd like. I was ostracized in high school but not anything to the extent that you were. Please know that there are people who still care.

I'd love to message you <3

 

[Foresight]

People who've been ostracized to the point of helplessness for no good reason than being given the tools others had, develop an ability only people who've suffered trauma can.
It may not feel like it in a world designed to make us instant gratification, but it's a power, and you can use it.
To make your life better, or help others both, whatever you wish.

I agree with this wholeheartedly, but it's easy to lose sight of this. I hope you stick around with us for some time and get the chance to be you with no judgment. I'm not making light of what you've been through. Your experiences are real and as painful as it gets. I commend you for making it through and seeing that it wasn't you. The totality of you is not summed up in how you were treated. There's more to you and that's yours to keep no matter the position of the crowd.

 

[TooConscious]

this is a really interesting response.. i'd like to message with you. pm me?

Cool anything you think I might be able to help with I'm more than happy to share my experience.

My PM function hasn't been great of late I think it's my device so please bear with me responding.