I'm sorry you've dealt with ED's too, it becomes such a strong compulsion doesn't it? Takes over everything.
I'm sorry you are dealing with bulimia - it is so fucking hard to stop
I started purging in grade 5 and I'd go through periods of anorexia which alternated until I was age 32 +/-
I did have brief periods where I was trying to get "healthy" though there was always this undertone of not being good enough. Not being "the perfect weight", weighing myself near obsessively, being able to simply lean forward and vomit without having to use a hand.
My father telling me I looked like shit when I'd gain a few lbs definitely didn't help the situation. My mother would try to guilt trip me that she and my step father would have to go all the way out to Long Island for a support group for parents of those with eating disorders…she would humiliate me when she'd find minute splashes of vomit on the bathroom wall. It only lead me to vomiting in bags and storing the bags in my closet.
Terrible times.
It seeps into and yes, controls just about every aspect of one's life.