Help Alone and Ready to Go

[MyShadow]

I am 56 years old and alone. Combined with the many years of physical pain, the loss of my children, grief, deteriorating mental health and a completely unsupportive family, I know that I am ready to die at my own hands and by a method of my own choosing.

I honestly thought that I could get control of it. I tried to live like everyone else. I started a business. Tried therapy and medication but couldn't afford health insurance, so couldn't afford private therapists and/or doctors so ended up at poorly staffed clinics. As a result, my symptoms got worse.

Here's my question: I am actively researching death by helium but have heard stories about how helium is becoming scarce and how some companies only have 80% helium in their tanks (the remaining 20% being air). Is this true? Where can I get pure helium gas? Is it regularly available? Where can I obtain a pure (or close to pure) helium? Is nitrogen a better option?

I need to start preparing soon because I don't have much more in me. Thank you.

 

[MyShadow]

UPDATE: I have been digging through the forums and found some very informative threads.

I think that I just needed to write down and share how I feel and what I am going through.
Thank you.

 

[fedup1982]

I'm sorry you're going through so much pain. I wish I knew what to say to make it easier for you.

I had no luck with pure argon gas, I had the v intense feeling of suffocation even though in theory it should have been a walk in the park

 

[MyShadow]

I'm sorry you're going through so much pain. I wish I knew what to say to make it easier for you.

I had no luck with pure argon gas, I had the v intense feeling of suffocation even though in theory it should have been a walk in the park

Thanks for your response. As per the feeling of suffocation, do you think it was the argon or your setup?

 

[AuraByte]

I'm sorry, OP. I see you and feel you.

 

[fedup1982]

Thanks for your response. As per the feeling of suffocation, do you think it was the argon or your setup?

I wish I knew because I love the promise of death without suffering. I tried 3 tanks from different suppliers so I can't imagine it being the gas. I had a high flow rate of 15L/m in a snug bag so I don't think it was the setup. I've racked my brain and here are the possible explanations I've come up with:

1. The possibility of suffering free death from non reactive gas is a myth and the body reacts to lack of oxygen, not excess CO2

2. There's a conspiracy against me and they replaced all 3 argon tanks with CO2 before they arrived to me

3. My physiogy is unusual and unlike most people, my body detects lack of oxygen rather than excess CO2

I really can't think of any other explanations

 

[MyShadow]

I wish I knew because I love the promise of death without suffering. I tried 3 tanks from different suppliers so I can't imagine it being the gas. I had a high flow rate of 15L/m in a snug bag so I don't think it was the setup. I've racked my brain and here are the possible explanations I've come up with:

1. The possibility of suffering free death from non reactive gas is a myth and the body reacts to lack of oxygen, not excess CO2

2. There's a conspiracy against me and they replaced all 3 argon tanks with CO2 before they arrived to me

3. My physiogy is unusual and unlike most people, my body detects lack of oxygen rather than excess CO2

I really can't think of any other explanations

Since I am both new to this and not a medical professional, I have nothing to add here. I will say that I am sorry that this method didn't work the way you'd hope. As far as my own exit, I was hoping to start collecting the necessary supplies today, but now I am full of uncertainty. This is difficult because my state of mind and situation is getting worse, but I don't want to use a method that harms or disturbs other people (i.e. firearms, jumping in front of a train, hanging, etc.), nor do I want to suffer. I've suffered enough. I'm sure you understand that.

I admit that I am afraid of failure and surviving my attempt. I do not wish to "attempt" suicide. I want to be 100% successful because failure will most certainly lead to the further deterioration of my mental state, as well as becoming even further withdrawn. As you can imagine, I don't have a big circle of support. If my attempt were to be made known those few friends I have would quickly disappear. My life is already lonely enough.

Personally speaking, I am sad that you too are in so much anguish and pain that you are choosing to end your life. I wish that we were in a situation where we could sit down and discuss alternatives, to find the beauty in life. But sadly, the world we live in is collapsing and resources are becoming scarce. Healthcare, especially mental healthcare is unaffordable and/or ineffective, and soon there will be many more people like us looking for a way to end their suffering as well as the hopelessness that comes with it.

I'm sorry, OP. I see you and feel you.

I am sad that you feel like I do, but it's good to know that I am not alone with this.