Venting Almost went through with it, except for SI

[lostmyonlylove]

I almost CTB with partial hanging tonight. It took me a little bit, but I found the sweet spot. I was so close to giving into the light feeling (after about 3 to 5 seconds) and riding it out, but I stopped after I thought, "am I ready to do this?" It's frustrating to constantly straddle the fence between being ready to make a final exit and waiting a little longer. Life has been kicking me down lately, and I'm done with trying anymore. I'm just so drained from trying to turn things around. I hope I get another depressingly strong reminder of why I decided to leave…

 

[makethepainstop]

I know bro, I know. We all feel like that, it's never an easy plan to execute. Much love to you in your time of pain.

 

[FuneralCry]

It's understandable as to why you would feel so frustrated being in that situation and it does sound tiring what you are going through. After all ctb certainly can be very difficult, and I really wish that it's easier to finally leave all of the suffering behind. I wish you the best.

 

[lostmyonlylove]

I'm just so frustrated on how I was so close and I can't get back to that sweet spot again. I've just been trying again for 30 minutes straight and for several hours last night and I just can't get there again. My neck hurts and my worry is messing with me. I'm crying because I just want I leave so badly. There's no one to turn to and I now have a red ring around my neck so it will be problematic if I see my family when they return. I have half a mind to go to the nearby park later and attempt a full suspension on one of the anchor points I scoped out in a secluded area. I absolutely hate how hard this is. I just want to go and be relieved of all future timelines, all of which are painful, mentally and spiritually…