almost got hit by a car today

[TheHolySword]

I was walking into work and a car paid no attention to me being in the middle of the crosswalk and almost ran me right the fuck over going what seemed like 50+mph. I know that probably wouldn't have killed me but the first thought I had was that I wish it hit me. I instinctually ran forward, that's the shit SI does to you. But I realized afterwards that I wasn't even scared, my brain instinctually just forced me to move. I wasn't scared to die or even be brutally hurt. I just felt so empty inside. Which is weird to say considering I used to be the kind of person that would have a panic attack over something like that. I dunno, nothing groundbreaking or revolutionary or all that exciting, just a near miss accident that made me feel nothing at all except wishing it would have killed me. Still nothing changes though. I went to work and came home and I'll do it all again tomorrow and every day until I die.

 

[onthefence]

It is interesting how our reactions to things that used to upset us change when we really want to be gone. Many things don't matter anymore.
I walk across a busy street 4 times a day to/ from work and home.
I made a rule a couple of years ago that I can't cross against the signal. Lately I have been breaking that rule and not even fully looking both ways before I step into the street. The only thing that keeps me from actively stepping into traffic is telling myself "it's not guaranteed to work, you will end up disabled, it is not okay to involve anyone else." I'm always a bit disappointed though when someone runs the red light and I haven't stepped into the street. Definitely a lot of SI involved.