All things packed, hotel booked

[tarococo]

This is the second time I'll attempt to ctb per SN, but this time I'm prepared, or at least I hope so.
I really underestimated my SI the last time I tried to leave, so I know now that it won't be easy to overcome it. Sadly I don't have access to benzos

I'm planning on leaving tomorrow morning, between 7-8am. (So in around 18-19 hours, since I live in germany c:)
The night makes me anxious, so I'll wait for the sun to rise.
Also I realized that mornings are the worst for me; and my will to live seems to be significantly lower when I just woke up.
I'll have a last meal with my aunt later, and I'll say goodbye to my cats.

Packed my SN, meto, paracetamol and some mouthwash and gum. I also have Tilidine with me, I don't really know if taking opiods is recommendet with SN tho. Maybe I'll use some of my spare time later to research this.

I know I've been in contact with a few people to partner up with, and I'm sorry that my plans have changed so suddenly. Everything is just too much, and I am so tired. I appreciate every single kind soul I met on this forum, I hate how life forced so many wonderful people to come together at a place like this, even tho I'm insanely grateful that it exists. Even if I haven't been part of this community for long, I've always felt welcomed and understood.

I even met some friends here, which is ironic, isn't it?
And one of them seemingly went ahead two days ago, even tho I don't know if he succeeded. I haven't heard of him since he left, and I wish I could stay longer to find out if he actually passed, but since he promised me to text if he doesn't go through with it, he's probably gone.. So in case there's no activity on his profile for a while, you'll know.
@johann_liebert , du warst mir ein so toller Freund die letzten Wochen. Ich hoffe es geht dir gut, egal wo du jetzt bist. Falls du es geschafft hast zu gehen sehen wir uns auf der anderen Seite. Falls nicht, und du liest das hier irgendwann, weiß bitte wie sehr ich wertschätze dass du für mich da warst.

I'll probably try to document my experience here, maybe this will make this attempt feel a little less lonely

 

[Catch-22]

This is the second time I'll attempt to ctb per SN, but this time I'm prepared, or at least I hope so.
I really underestimated my SI the last time I tried to leave, so I know now that it won't be easy to overcome it. Sadly I don't have access to benzos

I'm planning on leaving tomorrow morning, between 7-8am. (So in around 18-19 hours, since I live in germany c:)
The night makes me anxious, so I'll wait for the sun to rise.
Also I realized that mornings are the worst for me; and my will to live seems to be significantly lower when I just woke up.
I'll have a last meal with my aunt later, and I'll say goodbye to my cats.

Packed my SN, meto, paracetamol and some mouthwash and gum. I also have Tilidine with me, I don't really know if taking opiods is recommendet with SN tho. Maybe I'll use some of my spare time later to research this.

I know I've been in contact with a few people to partner up with, and I'm sorry that my plans have changed so suddenly. Everything is just too much, and I am so tired. I appreciate every single kind soul I met on this forum, I hate how life forced so many wonderful people to come together at a place like this, even tho I'm insanely grateful that it exists. Even if I haven't been part of this community for long, I've always felt welcomed and understood.

I even met some friends here, which is ironic, isn't it?
And one of them seemingly went ahead two days ago, even tho I don't know if he succeeded. I haven't heard of him since he left, and I wish I could stay longer to find out if he actually passed, but since he promised me to text if he doesn't go through with it, he's probably gone.. So in case there's no activity on his profile for a while, you'll know.
@johann_liebert , du warst mir ein so toller Freund die letzten Wochen. Ich hoffe es geht dir gut, egal wo du jetzt bist. Falls du es geschafft hast zu gehen sehen wir uns auf der anderen Seite. Falls nicht, und du liest das hier irgendwann, weiß bitte wie sehr ich wertschätze dass du für mich da warst.

I'll probably try to document my experience here, maybe this will make this attempt feel a little less lonely

I hope you find the peace that you've been looking for..

 

[voidstar]

Ich wünsch dir alles Gute und dass es diesmal so läuft wie du es dir vorstellst.
Drück deine Katzen von mir, hast du einen Plan was mit denen passiert wenn du gehst?

 

[tarococo]

Ich wünsch dir alles Gute und dass es diesmal so läuft wie du es dir vorstellst.
Drück deine Katzen von mir, hast du einen Plan was mit denen passiert wenn du gehst?

Hab vielen Dank Die Katzen gehören meiner Großtante, bei der ich einige Monate gewohnt habe. Also sind sie zum Glück sicher unter c:

 

[Nortu]

Glad you found your time here of comfort as well as aome friends. I'll make sure to check in once in a while so you're not alone during it :]
Hope you're able to go out peacefully tomorrow.

 

[voidstar]

Hab vielen Dank Die Katzen gehören meiner Großtante, bei der ich einige Monate gewohnt habe. Also sind sie zum Glück sicher unter c:

Dann hoffe ich für dich, dass alles so läuft wie du es dir vorstellst. Ich denk morgen früh an dich und selbst wenn es nicht funktioniert, du hast hier immer eine Anlaufstelle. Gerne auch meine PMs.
Alles Liebe :)

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I wish you all the best with your plan. I'm sorry it has come to this. I hope you find peace! Good luck!

 

[tarococo]

Glad you found your time here of comfort as well as aome friends. I'll make sure to check in once in a while so you're not alone during it :]
Hope you're able to go out peacefully tomorrow.

Yeah, this forum was a huge comfort, being able to talk about my struggles made everything leading up to this a lot more bearable. Thank you, I appreciate it a lot

I wish you all the best with your plan. I'm sorry it has come to this. I hope you find peace! Good luck!

Thank you so much! You always reacted to my posts and threads, thank you so much for listening to my ramblings c:

 

[Janine]

Tut mir echt leid.. Alles Gute dir. Sieht wohl so aus, als wäre ich wieder auf mich allein gestellt

 

[rozeske]

Am sorry your journey has come to this end but I wish your ride is smooth and that your last moments are peaceful

 

[tarococo]

Tut mir echt leid.. Alles Gute dir. Sieht wohl so aus, als wäre ich wieder auf mich allein gestellt

Ich hätte dich ungerne damit überrumpelt, weil es so plötzlich ist. Wir können trotzdem darüber reden, du kannst mir auf Telegram gerne schreiben wenn du magst

 

[Forever Sleep]

I'm sorry life has brought you to this point but I hope you find peace.

I'm not sure that opiods are recommended. I thought about codeine myself, as that has always made me feel sleepy and it's always (obviously) been more effective than paracetamol at numbing pain. Still, I'm pretty sure I read the concern is with the higher risk of vomiting with opiods. So- definitely double check through the megathreads for that. I wish you well though. Goodbye threads are always hard.

 

[FuneralCry]

Farewell, I wish you the best of luck in your plans and I hope that you find the freedom you search for.

 

[Janine]

Ich hätte dich ungerne damit überrumpelt, weil es so plötzlich ist. Wir können trotzdem darüber reden, du kannst mir auf Telegram gerne schreiben wenn du magst

Sehr gern, ich verstehe das komplett.

 

[PrettyPotato]

Hope it all goes according to plan for you :)
Not sure about opioids as an alternative to benzos tbh - think if anything it would just increase the chance of vomiting a bit, but you've got AEs.

 

[tarococo]

I'm sorry life has brought you to this point but I hope you find peace.

I'm not sure that opiods are recommended. I thought about codeine myself, as that has always made me feel sleepy and it's always (obviously) been more effective than paracetamol at numbing pain. Still, I'm pretty sure I read the concern is with the higher risk of vomiting with opiods. So- definitely double check through the megathreads for that. I wish you well though. Goodbye threads are always hard.

Hope it all goes according to plan for you :)
Not sure about opioids as an alternative to benzos tbh - think if anything it would just increase the chance of vomiting a bit, but you've got AEs.

Yeah I also came to this conclusion after reading through a few threads, thank you for you advice! I'll probably leave them out and just use the paracetamol then c:

 

[Aim]

This is the second time I'll attempt to ctb per SN, but this time I'm prepared, or at least I hope so.
I really underestimated my SI the last time I tried to leave, so I know now that it won't be easy to overcome it. Sadly I don't have access to benzos

I'm planning on leaving tomorrow morning, between 7-8am. (So in around 18-19 hours, since I live in germany c:)
The night makes me anxious, so I'll wait for the sun to rise.
Also I realized that mornings are the worst for me; and my will to live seems to be significantly lower when I just woke up.
I'll have a last meal with my aunt later, and I'll say goodbye to my cats.

Packed my SN, meto, paracetamol and some mouthwash and gum. I also have Tilidine with me, I don't really know if taking opiods is recommendet with SN tho. Maybe I'll use some of my spare time later to research this.

I know I've been in contact with a few people to partner up with, and I'm sorry that my plans have changed so suddenly. Everything is just too much, and I am so tired. I appreciate every single kind soul I met on this forum, I hate how life forced so many wonderful people to come together at a place like this, even tho I'm insanely grateful that it exists. Even if I haven't been part of this community for long, I've always felt welcomed and understood.

I even met some friends here, which is ironic, isn't it?
And one of them seemingly went ahead two days ago, even tho I don't know if he succeeded. I haven't heard of him since he left, and I wish I could stay longer to find out if he actually passed, but since he promised me to text if he doesn't go through with it, he's probably gone.. So in case there's no activity on his profile for a while, you'll know.
@johann_liebert , du warst mir ein so toller Freund die letzten Wochen. Ich hoffe es geht dir gut, egal wo du jetzt bist. Falls du es geschafft hast zu gehen sehen wir uns auf der anderen Seite. Falls nicht, und du liest das hier irgendwann, weiß bitte wie sehr ich wertschätze dass du für mich da warst.

I'll probably try to document my experience here, maybe this will make this attempt feel a little less lonely

I wish you a safe and peaceful journey. Good luck

 

[suffocatingseraphim]

You deserve the peace and levity you seek out taro, I hope you're able to hold that with you as you go, and find rest. I'm sorry for the pain you've endured

Sending you all of the love and accompaniment in these final hours, I'll be checking in ok?
How are you feeling now? Are you checked into the hotel?

 

[dustyrainbow]

Ich habe wirklich nicht damit gerechnet, nicht so schnell, nicht so plötzlich... Meine persönlichen Worte habe ich dir auf Telegram geschrieben. Hoffentlich finden die Worte ihren Weg zu dir.
Du bleibst in Erinnerung...

 

[tarococo]

Ich habe wirklich nicht damit gerechnet, nicht so schnell, nicht so plötzlich... Meine persönlichen Worte habe ich dir auf Telegram geschrieben. Hoffentlich finden die Worte ihren Weg zu dir.
Du bleibst in Erinnerung...

Es kam leider etwas dazwischen :\ Hatte Probleme mit dem Airbnb, deswegen konnte ich leider nicht wie geplant gehen..

what should I do now

I arrived at the Airbnb. I specifically chose this one to ctb in since reviews said that its the only apartment in this house, since the apartment above this one is currently getting renovated. The last review that mentioned this was from five days ago, so I thought this would be perfect. The...

sanctioned-suicide.net

Trotzdem vielen lieben Dank Ich werde es sehr bald wieder versuchen, also weiß ich es trotzdem sehr zu schätzen

 

[dustyrainbow]

Oh, ich hatte den Thread komplett übersehen! Es ist so schwer, wenn was dazwischen kommt... Aber wie wir immer gesagt haben - lieber komplett alles geplant und safe. Ich denk an dich!