Venting All in my head…

[SolomonKado]

If only life was like it was portrayed in movies for me. Those sappy, deep love, sensual, together strong, intense feelings for each other moments. I always wanted to be in a relationship like the strongest love stories, but all I've ever experienced were people too selfish to even attempt it. They seemed great at the beginning to get my attention and then their true colors would show when I was hooked. I would have even liked someone who sometimes acted like my dogs and welcome me at the door excited I'm home as I did for them. I wanted to hold someone and truly feel safe and deeply loved.

I hated how I had second thoughts about people I was with because they treated their friends way better then they ever would me. I would try to vent to them and all I would get is "I'm sorry. I'm not good at relationships" or they would just stare at me pretending to listen. They would even leave to travel to spend time with their parents than they ever would with me. I'm not saying I needed their undivided attention. What I'm trying to say is I wanted someone who was my best friend, intense lover, and support no matter what happened. I always tried my hardest to be that for them, but it was like trying to fill a bucket that kept its lid on.

Now I'm going to leave this earth never getting to experience that and it hurts to think of it. I didn't in my time here and feel no one like that exists on my path. They haven't come across my path and I'm in my 40s now. I would have loved more then anything to have grown strong and get better with someone who did for me as I did for them. IT HURTS SO BAD

 

[Forever Sleep]

I'm so sorry. It's so sad because it sounds like you really gave your all. I'm so sorry it wasn't appreciated and reciprocated.

I feel kind of similarly except that I've never had a partner. Just a few crazy rounds of limerance. Still- I understand you on feeling the waste of it all really. Perhaps I had a naive fairytale idea of love but- I'm similar to you. When I was younger especially, I dreamed of sharing my life completely with someone. I felt like I had such an intensity of love to give and I thought it would have felt amazing to have that reciprocated.

I don't think it was utter fantasy. I loved my best friend. Not in a sexual way but I felt so connected with them and I suppose I felt so happy then. I always thought it would be like that but with sex- so, even better. Lol.

Maybe it's for the best though. I feel like I wouldn't have coped with a broken heart. I'm more or less resigned to being single now. The practicalities of my life make me unsuitable as a partner. Still- sometimes I still get sad though, wondering how things might have been had I met someone. I hope you do find someone that deserves you.

 

[SolomonKado]

I'm so sorry. It's so sad because it sounds like you really gave your all. I'm so sorry it wasn't appreciated and reciprocated.

I feel kind of similarly except that I've never had a partner. Just a few crazy rounds of limerance. Still- I understand you on feeling the waste of it all really. Perhaps I had a naive fairytale idea of love but- I'm similar to you. When I was younger especially, I dreamed of sharing my life completely with someone. I felt like I had such an intensity of love to give and I thought it would have felt amazing to have that reciprocated.

I don't think it was utter fantasy. I loved my best friend. Not in a sexual way but I felt so connected with them and I suppose I felt so happy then. I always thought it would be like that but with sex- so, even better. Lol.

Maybe it's for the best though. I feel like I wouldn't have coped with a broken heart. I'm more or less resigned to being single now. The practicalities of my life make me unsuitable as a partner. Still- sometimes I still get sad though, wondering how things might have been had I met someone. I hope you do find someone that deserves you.

Thing that got me more then once was "it will be better next time" and "it HAS to exist." I kept trying because of it. I always wanted a loving family that I never had. A 50 year anniversary someday and still like I did the first day I was with them.

I figured if I have these feelings then someone had to also right? Then there's the opposite or same sex who comes along saying or acting like they will be that person you're searching for so you buy in to it. Then you find out they just wanted a place to hang out so they weren't alone.

 

[SpaceBoyEvangef]

I relate SO FUCKING MUCH, I felt like this one person I was dating was just using me to find more people who liked the same shit as them so that they could get into their fucking pants after they did mine, never in my life had I felt so used. I thought I'd end up marrying them one day, being with them eternally, and having a future with them like described, but they broke it off with me once they had their fill and moved onto another person. So, I feel you.

 

[Thanatos]

Unfortunately a common thing with most relationships. I thought I found the love of my life once. Everything started off like a dream for about three months. She cheated on me and lied about it for over a year. After I found out she was incredibly disrespectful and clearly never loved me at all. I'm still heartbroken and she never even cared enough to apologize. She was just always defensive and tried to reverse everything at me. What an absolute cunt. I'm clearly not over it but she was supposed to be the love of my life. She manipulated me into staying with her way longer than I otherwise would have. The most narcissistic and manipulative person I've ever met. Downright evil imo. She deserves the shitty life she has now, she had it coming.

 

[SolomonKado]

Unfortunately a common thing with most relationships. I thought I found the love of my life once. Everything started off like a dream for about three months. She cheated on me and lied about it for over a year. After I found out she was incredibly disrespectful and clearly never loved me at all. I'm still heartbroken and she never even cared enough to apologize. She was just always defensive and tried to reverse everything at me. What an absolute cunt. I'm clearly not over it but she was supposed to be the love of my life. She manipulated me into staying with her way longer than I otherwise would have. The most narcissistic and manipulative person I've ever met. Downright evil imo. She deserves the shitty life she has now, she had it coming.

This world sucks in the way it's so hard to tell who is going to run you over or be a good part of your life. Those of us who try our best to help others have to suffer with the bad people sneaking into our lives…

people wonder how someone could end up on sites like these…because bad people put us here with their actions…