iHateMyselflokay
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- Nov 9, 2020
- 17
Dated a my ex for about 10 months. Broke up with her cause my feelings weren’t that strong at the time (ive never had a gf and been hurt a lot in the past so I had my guard up the entire time with her) took me losing her to realize how much I absolutely love and adore her. We were broken up for a month and got back together but she had already slept with someone else two weeks after I broke up with her so I was not the confident funny guy she knew from before, I now was insecure and clingy. Took her a month to end things. I will never forgive myself for breaking up with her and not treating her like she should’ve been treated when I had the chance. Worst mistake of my life and I am somehow okay with the idea that i will never love anyone else for as long as I live. I’m not mad at her. I’m furious at my pathetic self for breaking up with her and losing myself. I know everyone says to move on, but my case has brought me so down that I want solely to end my life and find peace. My family is the only reason I haven’t CTB. They are my cage in this eternal hell. I will never forgive myself and I deserve this for hurting my ex first. She’s with someone else and loves that I regret breaking up with her. She used to adore me and I ruined everything. My head and eyes feel like they will explode from the constant panic attacks and tears. Nothing matters anymore, not when I can’t have my baby to share my life and accomplishments with anymore. I took her for granted and am paying the ultimate price ~ which is not being able to ctb due to the sake of my family
