All I want for Christmas is to die and not hurt my family

[iHateMyselflokay]

Dated a my ex for about 10 months. Broke up with her cause my feelings weren't that strong at the time (ive never had a gf and been hurt a lot in the past so I had my guard up the entire time with her) took me losing her to realize how much I absolutely love and adore her. We were broken up for a month and got back together but she had already slept with someone else two weeks after I broke up with her so I was not the confident funny guy she knew from before, I now was insecure and clingy. Took her a month to end things. I will never forgive myself for breaking up with her and not treating her like she should've been treated when I had the chance. Worst mistake of my life and I am somehow okay with the idea that i will never love anyone else for as long as I live. I'm not mad at her. I'm furious at my pathetic self for breaking up with her and losing myself. I know everyone says to move on, but my case has brought me so down that I want solely to end my life and find peace. My family is the only reason I haven't CTB. They are my cage in this eternal hell. I will never forgive myself and I deserve this for hurting my ex first. She's with someone else and loves that I regret breaking up with her. She used to adore me and I ruined everything. My head and eyes feel like they will explode from the constant panic attacks and tears. Nothing matters anymore, not when I can't have my baby to share my life and accomplishments with anymore. I took her for granted and am paying the ultimate price ~ which is not being able to ctb due to the sake of my family

 

[constant_grief]

Hey, I know how difficult break-ups can be from my own experience. I went through a horrendous break-up earlier this year but I can assure you that time will heal this wound. You will gradually feel better and have the confidence to date again. You have your life ahead of you, please don't end it because of one breakup.

 

[sadworld]

Hugs to you!

I'm sorry, I hope everything gets better

 

[bov]

Please try to make it through the holidays.

 

[iHateMyselflokay]

I

Hey, I know how difficult break-ups can be from my own experience. I went through a horrendous break-up earlier this year but I can assure you that time will heal this wound. You will gradually feel better and have the confidence to date again. You have your life ahead of you, please don't end it because of one breakup.

It's been 4 months and I'm worse everyday.