All falling into place - at hotel for my CBT day! Yay

[counting-out-time]

Hi all

Just letting you know I've got everything set up with ratchet strap and spare strap in case I decide to do a partial.

Just in the bar having my favourite drink - vodka n coke. And a cheeky bowl of fries.

After I had a few more drinks I'll be going back to the room to end it all. So If I don't reply by tomorrow then count it as it went to plan.

Thank you for all those have given me support and answers to questions. I feel that I am happy for the first time in a long time.

Just reading up on the robin williams story I'll most likely go that way.

 

[universe]

I'm sorry that life has tested you so much and brought you this far. I have seen several of your posts on the forum. You can send me a message, if you feel the need.

I hope everything will be fine for you, no matter what. I wish you peace and send you all my prayers.

 

[Al_stargate]

Sorry it came to this man. Wish life could work out for you somehow but if that's not the case, I understand and respect your choice. Wish you the best!

 

[rainwillneverstop]

we are here for you if you need us.
I hope you find what you seek.
Sorry life has brought this on you.

"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid." John 14:27

 

[counting-out-time]

I'm sorry that life has tested you so much and brought you this far. I have seen several of your posts on the forum. You can send me a message, if you feel the need.

I hope everything will be fine for you, no matter what. I wish you peace and send you all my prayers.

Thank you just feel bad that if all goes to plan and they find a dead body in the hotel then might affect business and also when my family finds out it will possibly destroy them but there is no other way out of this I can think of.

Sorry it came to this man. Wish life could work out for you somehow but if that's not the case, I understand and respect your choice. Wish you the best!

Thank you I wish it would work out but the egg timer of my life is going mad and if I proceed to try and go any longer I'll just go mad

 

[universe]

I have no idea how it works for hotels, I imagine they must have a specific procedure for this, and be discreet at this level. It is true that even the post-CTB events are worrying.

 

[counting-out-time]

Well what ever happens after my soul leaves my body it's someone else's problem I guess. Also not a better time to CBT on halloween. I wonder if I'll haunt the place when I'm dead?

 

[Minibosterita]

It sucks that the only time we get a glimpse of happiness is when we have a way out and know it's all about to end. I hope your pain ends and you have a smooth journey to peace

 

[Nikki2020]

I'm so jealous of ppl leaving I hope im not far behind u. I hope you can find peace friend. ❤ hugs to you.

 

[FuneralCry]

I do envy those who managed to succeed with hanging, I wish you freedom from this cruel existence.

 

[counting-out-time]

Just a bit of a pain I got everything set up for partial hanging. The strap I got is the same as this

Amazon product ASIN B0035RQZTK
What I've done is one end make a slip knot which I've mastered like a pro. The other end I made a few knots so I can wedge it in the window frame and can confirm it holds my weight. When keeling down it puts more pressure on my windpipe than it does my cartoid arteries so I've either got the plan of using the pipe insulation to compress my arteries or just use the night night method with the ratchet strap. However as the ratchet is quite noisy this bothers me as ppl next door might report it as walls are paper thin

But hey ho you gotta keep trying or there is no dying
Just an update also I will be resetting my phone before doing the honour. If all else fails then I know my login details. It's for the sole purpose that the authorities find out I've been on this site and it gets shut down. Doubt it will but playing it safe. This is the best community I've ever known and it needs to live on!

 

[Finding Sirius]

I hope your crossing is pleasant, safe travels.

 

[counting-out-time]

I hope your crossing is pleasant, safe travels.

Thank you I wish to be with my dad who died when I was a kid. It was from asbestos poisoning. I'd rather be in purgatory than life.

 

[Finding Sirius]

Thank you I wish to be with my dad who died when I was a kid. It was from asbestos poisoning. I'd rather be in purgatory than life.

No problem, I want to see my fiancée agian. He died of ammonia poisoning, but it was the negligence of doctors that truly killed him. Peace to you friend, life is overrated.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I love your humour. I hope you are able to stay calm and have a peaceful journey and get to see your Dad again. (I have a hope I will see my Mum). Safe travels.

 

[leeloosnow]

i hope your journey is a peaceful one, and that you're comfortable and reunited with your father.

 

[stormed lucky]

Be at peace, be in the presence of peace. Peace be with you x

 

[counting-out-time]

Okay update . I did the partial hanging which did somewhat work, I leant forward with a strap around my neck and passed out. BUT. I do remember seeing a white light and then I'm awake scratching and pulling off the insulation I used to compress my arteries. SI is an absolute bitch! I was on my way to death and my body was fighting back still trying now with the night night method with ratchet strap but now the ratchet has jammed and I'm just sat here thinking what shall I do.

I want that white light to come back but whatever I try to do is just failing, however I'm still trying

 

[S like Siren]

SI is an absolute bitch!

It is,yes it is....it can be so frustrating,why it have to be so fucking hard?the pain we live every day is not already enough?:/

 

[Hollowillow]

Failed partial 3 times. Was hoping to test then slup in death. 3rd time tried hard. Failed. I used door knob. Too low. Got long rope to pass above door. Rachet scary. You brave. sorry light away. Saw it too when doctors gave me bad medicine. Saw trees of light. Beauty. Then hit by car. saw The Nothing. I miss it horribly
Hope you reach light... You brave. Sorry tool hard on you.

 

[counting-out-time]

Failed partial 3 times. Was hoping to test then slup in death. 3rd time tried hard. Failed. I used door knob. Too low. Got long rope to pass above door. Rachet scary. You brave. sorry light away. Saw it too when doctors gave me bad medicine. Saw trees of light. Beauty. Then hit by car. saw The Nothing. I miss it horribly
Hope you reach light... You brave. Sorry tool hard on you.

I kept trying but came to an end when the ratchet gave up and strap was falling apart. Hate to say it but I've given up for one day. Spent so much money at a place that is expensive but going to think it over and try again in the next few days. I'm that tired that even though I mastered how to do a slip knot I keep getting it wrong so going to sleep.

I'm so annoyed at myself as I was in the zone where i knew my brain was being starved of blood but my brain being a nob wanted to stay alive. Fuck knows how robin williams did it but whatever I try always backfires on me. I'll try again in the next few days but if all else fails then I'm shit out of luck. Sn is nearly impossible to get hold of, same as a gun to blow my brains out. Fml I just want to die!

 

[Hollowillow]

Psych ward took pants away. Said can hang. Even blankets could work. Extention cords. Aborted due to si? Or broke all? So sorry... Shoe laces too... Why die so hard. Why i don't die when killed. Need over... Share your frustration... So sorry. Thank you for sharing

 

[leeloosnow]

Okay update . I did the partial hanging which did somewhat work, I leant forward with a strap around my neck and passed out. BUT. I do remember seeing a white light and then I'm awake scratching and pulling off the insulation I used to compress my arteries. SI is an absolute bitch! I was on my way to death and my body was fighting back still trying now with the night night method with ratchet strap but now the ratchet has jammed and I'm just sat here thinking what shall I do.

I want that white light to come back but whatever I try to do is just failing, however I'm still trying

ngl i admire you bravery and heart to work out ur plans and i hope you dont get down on urself at all for the SI thing cuz that's not a conscious thing ppl do on death's gate. still hurt for your suffering and anything you anna chat, anytime, hmu. above all i wish you peace of body and mind on your endeavors and whatever u wanna talk abt im here 4u. hugs <3

 

[counting-out-time]

ngl i admire you bravery and heart to work out ur plans and i hope you dont get down on urself at all for the SI thing cuz that's not a conscious thing ppl do on death's gate. still hurt for your suffering and anything you anna chat, anytime, hmu. above all i wish you peace of body and mind on your endeavors and whatever u wanna talk abt im here 4u. hugs <3

I tried so hard but I really don't know what to do next. Try partial again or the night night method. Ideally it needs to be in the next few days as money is running out and I've got bills piling up left right and centre. I do have enough for another hotel but if it fails again then I'm fucked. I practically copied what robin Williams did and as mentioned I did pass out then not sure how long I was out of it. Woke up in panic clawing off the rope around my neck. What amazes me is when I woke up I had already started to get out of the slipknot so this must of been my si kicking in. Ughhhh I need to ctb soon before I get left stranded at the station.

 

[Willto]

It is hard. I'm struggling like you. My method is SN

 

[Maudlin]

money is running out and I've got bills piling up left right and centre. I do have enough for another hotel but if it fails again then I'm fucked.

If you don't like the rules of the game, perhaps re-think the rules you play by.

In my life, I'd like to be able to say I did things I'm not proud of... of course, that's a partial lie. I'm quite proud of my precision, my ability to carry through a plan successfully, and my capacity for formulating such plans to begin with. Nobody thinks quite like me, and I like that. The only thing I don't like about my life is thinking about some of the people who got hurt along the way... but, even that doesn't bother me much because most of them didn't get hurt too bad, and those that did deserved it.

I haven't dug too deep into your posts, but from what I've seen offhand I'd say ethics concern you somewhat. I think that's a good thing, overall- but sometimes ethics can be too stringent for flexible operations.

"Evil" as it may seem to you, you'll never get over on the basic truth that life feeds on life. As long as you're alive, you can choose the targets, and the manner in which you feed. Does that make sense?

You once said: " Born - go to school get bullied or picked on - go high school - get bullied - college maybe and get basic skills, - get depressed - get a dead end job - wages are poor - bills are high - cannot afford a house - pay taxes - get old..." etc.

Don't play by their rules. Change the rules you play by.

It's fun. I promise.

 

[supermlarit]

If you don't like the rules of the game, perhaps re-think the rules you play by.

In my life, I'd like to be able to say I did things I'm not proud of... of course, that's a partial lie. I'm quite proud of my precision, my ability to carry through a plan successfully, and my capacity for formulating such plans to begin with. Nobody thinks quite like me, and I like that. The only thing I don't like about my life is thinking about some of the people who got hurt along the way... but, even that doesn't bother me much because most of them didn't get hurt too bad, and those that did deserved it.

I haven't dug too deep into your posts, but from what I've seen offhand I'd say ethics concern you somewhat. I think that's a good thing, overall- but sometimes ethics can be too stringent for flexible operations.

"Evil" as it may seem to you, you'll never get over on the basic truth that life feeds on life. As long as you're alive, you can choose the targets, and the manner in which you feed. Does that make sense?

You once said: " Born - go to school get bullied or picked on - go high school - get bullied - college maybe and get basic skills, - get depressed - get a dead end job - wages are poor - bills are high - cannot afford a house - pay taxes - get old..." etc.

Don't play by their rules. Change the rules you play by.

It's fun. I promise.

If only it was as easy as it sounds...

 

[universe]

It's scary how our body can torture us despite all our willpower and investment. I hope you are doing well physically. I wish you good luck for the future.

 

[Maudlin]

If only it was as easy as it sounds...

Everything that is worth achieving takes effort.
Be slow, calculating, methodical.

Make sure you understand every possible angle of any given position.
Then attack from the angle most overlooked. You'd be surprised how many things average people ignore.

Most people not only don't know how anything works, but they have no idea that they don't know.
Authority will always treat you as if you don't know what they do... it's quite a weakness, if you use it properly.
It's always nice to be underestimated, in this... the information age. lol

The triumph of success is icing on the cake of whatever prize you set as your goal.

 

[Nikki2020]

If only it was as easy as it sounds...

right this is so hard. i know my time has come but getting there is scary.