exiled
i gave so many signs
- Jun 17, 2023
- 296
It'd be pretty difficult for me to give a ton of backstory given it's twenty eight years worth but I'll do the best I can in a paragraph or so. I was born and raised into a documentary-worthy abusive home. Sexually abused by my family (mostly older brother but mom and dad allowed and encouraged it), tormented by my community and the religious organization in the area including trafficking, and severe physical abuse and neglect. My parents basically kept me on lock and key my whole life and I was not able to "escape" until I turned 27 (I'm 28F). I say "escape" in quotes because I "ran away from home" and got my own apartment, but very quickly moved right back in with my parents. I have chronic illnesses - born with a severely complicated and rare liver disease, as well as a previous cancer diagnosis in remission - which causes me to be frequently hospitalized. My illness peaked pretty badly during this time so I had to be with my parents; I knew no different.
Long story short, about a month and a half ago, I fully cut contact with my family when they decided they wanted to move in with my brother across the country and leave me sick and broken on my own. They did this as "revenge" for me moving out, so I went no contact. They did NOT expect this. I changed my phone number, last name, and left my apartment. A family from church decided to take me and my dog in because they knew my story through a mutual friend. So, as I recovered from major surgery and cutting off my abusive parents, I had a safe place to land. I have a golden retriever and so does this family, so even he is perfectly happy and safe! It felt like we fit together like a puzzle.
The family I moved in with consists of: Mom, dad, and two daughters. I will refer to Mom and M and dad as D. Daughter 1 as D1 and daughter 2 as D2 if needed.
M & D decided very quickly that I would move in with them - they heard my situation and immediately said "rent free, you're staying here to hide out from family and heal. In a couple months we can talk about where you land next, but we want to be your safe space to land. Our upstairs is all yours; D1 is away to college and only comes home on some weekends so 90% of the time the space is entirely yours, and D2 is usually at her boyfriend's anyway and is barely home so you really will have a lot of privacy." They moved my mattress over, they helped me empty my apartment and get out of my lease, helped me get a storage unit and move all my stuff there. They refuse to let me pay a CENT.
M has been very gentle in making sure she doesn't pry or ask too many questions. She is teaching me how to quick and do laundry and basic tasks my bio parents forbid me from doing (they never let me learn how to do anything because their goal for me was to never be able to live without them). M has been taking it slow and making sure I am resting and healing and only learning a little at a time.
Yes I am 28 and never had to do dishes in my life (one might say that makes me spoiled, but it was an abuse tactic), and that's another thing I was taught by my new M and D. So, to try and help out, I do dishes as much as I can, help clean the kitchen after dinner, pick up groceries, and contribute in any way that I possibly can to help. M is VERY appreciative of that.
Ok, I am really going to try and spare all the details but living there a few weeks, I found out M and D have MAJOR marital problems and he has been (NOT PHYSICALLY) abusive to her their whole marriage. I witnessed him treating her poorly myself, but obviously cannot do anything because it isn't my place. D has also been incredibly helpful to me with everything and I am living in his home.
However, D makes comments to me that make me uncomfortable but I am wondering if I am just overreacting given my history of being sexually trafficked and abused by men my whole life. Are these weird/red flags, or just endearing things that came across a little weird and I am just having too much of a guard up?
Example one: I got sick a couple weeks ago and D drove me to the ER because M was out of town. When he picked me up after finding out I was okay, he shed tears in the car and said "I am so happy you're okay, you're like my daughter now" and then proceeded to ask me if I had prescriptions I had to pick up. I told him I could get them myself the next day since my pharmacy hadn't been changed and was a ways out. He kept insisting he wanted to help and didn't mind driving us. It was just him and I in the car and I didn't necessarily feel uncomfortable but it felt like quite a long drive to be alone? Anyway, after saying "no it's okay" three times, at the next red light he put his hand on my thigh and kept it there and said "look at me sweetie." And I looked at him and there was this awkward tension and silence and he's like, "you know you aren't a burden. I got you. You are safe with me." His hand is still on my thigh and then when the light turns green, he takes it off. I never said I am a burden or tried to make the conversation so vulnerable, but he kept trying to make the air just feel… vulnerable, idk how to explain it.
Example two: I have a golden retriever as I mentioned, and so do they. However, my dog has kind of bad table manners. He doesn't ever ever steal your food and he KNOWS his boundaries, but at the dinner table he always stares right into your soul and stands right behind you waiting for food to drop. I've been training him not to do that; their dog does it too but not as intensely. D always jokingly says "I am going to punch your dog in the mouth and then he'll learn!" in a very playful tone. Fine, whatever. He won't. But then, later, he continually made jokes about punching him. Like, one day my dog was comfortably sprawled across the couch and D commented on how cute it was. And I said, "well, my dog surely made himself at home here haha." D replied with, "well, that's how I want you to feel here. Make yourself at home, just like your dog. I promise I'd tell you if it was too much. Like, I'd punch your dog right in the mouth if he was too much. And I'd tell you the same. You aren't. You aren't too much." It felt like a crazy response to absolutely nothing that I even said?! Even if it was all in "good fun"?
Example three: He keeps saying he wants to toughen me up. And keeps saying, "oh you ain't seen nothin' yet girlfriend! I got your back and I am always going to have it from now on. But, I am going to push you. I am going to push you real hard. Not now, since this is new and you're recovering, but there will come a time where you're going to be pissed at me. You're going to hate me. I am going to push you. Don't worry girlfriend, it's coming."
M is always so comforting but D makes me feel weird in my own skin. There are other examples but to spare you from reading a million more words, I'll leave it here.
Is this weird? Am i overreacting, and he's just being really accommodating with a touch of personality? Idk. I don't wan to sound ungrateful - these people are the reason I am alive. The reason my dog and I are safe. I couldn't do it without them.
Long story short, about a month and a half ago, I fully cut contact with my family when they decided they wanted to move in with my brother across the country and leave me sick and broken on my own. They did this as "revenge" for me moving out, so I went no contact. They did NOT expect this. I changed my phone number, last name, and left my apartment. A family from church decided to take me and my dog in because they knew my story through a mutual friend. So, as I recovered from major surgery and cutting off my abusive parents, I had a safe place to land. I have a golden retriever and so does this family, so even he is perfectly happy and safe! It felt like we fit together like a puzzle.
The family I moved in with consists of: Mom, dad, and two daughters. I will refer to Mom and M and dad as D. Daughter 1 as D1 and daughter 2 as D2 if needed.
M & D decided very quickly that I would move in with them - they heard my situation and immediately said "rent free, you're staying here to hide out from family and heal. In a couple months we can talk about where you land next, but we want to be your safe space to land. Our upstairs is all yours; D1 is away to college and only comes home on some weekends so 90% of the time the space is entirely yours, and D2 is usually at her boyfriend's anyway and is barely home so you really will have a lot of privacy." They moved my mattress over, they helped me empty my apartment and get out of my lease, helped me get a storage unit and move all my stuff there. They refuse to let me pay a CENT.
M has been very gentle in making sure she doesn't pry or ask too many questions. She is teaching me how to quick and do laundry and basic tasks my bio parents forbid me from doing (they never let me learn how to do anything because their goal for me was to never be able to live without them). M has been taking it slow and making sure I am resting and healing and only learning a little at a time.
Yes I am 28 and never had to do dishes in my life (one might say that makes me spoiled, but it was an abuse tactic), and that's another thing I was taught by my new M and D. So, to try and help out, I do dishes as much as I can, help clean the kitchen after dinner, pick up groceries, and contribute in any way that I possibly can to help. M is VERY appreciative of that.
Ok, I am really going to try and spare all the details but living there a few weeks, I found out M and D have MAJOR marital problems and he has been (NOT PHYSICALLY) abusive to her their whole marriage. I witnessed him treating her poorly myself, but obviously cannot do anything because it isn't my place. D has also been incredibly helpful to me with everything and I am living in his home.
However, D makes comments to me that make me uncomfortable but I am wondering if I am just overreacting given my history of being sexually trafficked and abused by men my whole life. Are these weird/red flags, or just endearing things that came across a little weird and I am just having too much of a guard up?
Example one: I got sick a couple weeks ago and D drove me to the ER because M was out of town. When he picked me up after finding out I was okay, he shed tears in the car and said "I am so happy you're okay, you're like my daughter now" and then proceeded to ask me if I had prescriptions I had to pick up. I told him I could get them myself the next day since my pharmacy hadn't been changed and was a ways out. He kept insisting he wanted to help and didn't mind driving us. It was just him and I in the car and I didn't necessarily feel uncomfortable but it felt like quite a long drive to be alone? Anyway, after saying "no it's okay" three times, at the next red light he put his hand on my thigh and kept it there and said "look at me sweetie." And I looked at him and there was this awkward tension and silence and he's like, "you know you aren't a burden. I got you. You are safe with me." His hand is still on my thigh and then when the light turns green, he takes it off. I never said I am a burden or tried to make the conversation so vulnerable, but he kept trying to make the air just feel… vulnerable, idk how to explain it.
Example two: I have a golden retriever as I mentioned, and so do they. However, my dog has kind of bad table manners. He doesn't ever ever steal your food and he KNOWS his boundaries, but at the dinner table he always stares right into your soul and stands right behind you waiting for food to drop. I've been training him not to do that; their dog does it too but not as intensely. D always jokingly says "I am going to punch your dog in the mouth and then he'll learn!" in a very playful tone. Fine, whatever. He won't. But then, later, he continually made jokes about punching him. Like, one day my dog was comfortably sprawled across the couch and D commented on how cute it was. And I said, "well, my dog surely made himself at home here haha." D replied with, "well, that's how I want you to feel here. Make yourself at home, just like your dog. I promise I'd tell you if it was too much. Like, I'd punch your dog right in the mouth if he was too much. And I'd tell you the same. You aren't. You aren't too much." It felt like a crazy response to absolutely nothing that I even said?! Even if it was all in "good fun"?
Example three: He keeps saying he wants to toughen me up. And keeps saying, "oh you ain't seen nothin' yet girlfriend! I got your back and I am always going to have it from now on. But, I am going to push you. I am going to push you real hard. Not now, since this is new and you're recovering, but there will come a time where you're going to be pissed at me. You're going to hate me. I am going to push you. Don't worry girlfriend, it's coming."
M is always so comforting but D makes me feel weird in my own skin. There are other examples but to spare you from reading a million more words, I'll leave it here.
Is this weird? Am i overreacting, and he's just being really accommodating with a touch of personality? Idk. I don't wan to sound ungrateful - these people are the reason I am alive. The reason my dog and I are safe. I couldn't do it without them.
