AITA? Teen Caretaker (Repost)

[wistfulness]

I posted this back in November and just wanted to see if anyone else has something to say about it:


I'm a 19F and my dad is 76. He's had Parkinson's since I was 10 and it's getting increasingly harder for him to move around, remember things, etc. My mom died 2 years ago and I started college last year close to my dad's house so I could still help my sister in taking care of him. We have another sister and a couple half siblings, but they're all older with established lives and no time to look after him. Since my sister and I never really got the chance to go off after high school, we kinda got stuck with the job. However I'm starting to look out at the rest of my life and I really don't see much of a point. I'm probably just going to be taking care of him until he dies and by then I could be too jaded to want to do much of anything. AITA if I move away to try and live a purposeful life somewhere else? AITA if I choose to focus on myself? I know it would be a huge adjustment for me but I don't have many other options. I wouldn't want to leave the responsibility on my sister alone but I can't see myself living much longer solely for other people, no matter how much I love them.

 

[raindrops]

No, you're not the asshole if you want to move away and start your own life and no you're not an asshole because you choose to focus on yourself. As long as you have a plan (plan A, plan B) and a goal - you do what feels right. Are you from the UK? If so you could get your father's needs assessed? Social services should help with that, speaking with a doctor should be easier as he is elderly. I'm not sure on options if you're not in the UK but there has to be a service that you can use. Age Concern in the UK does similar things to help the elderly, I think. You could always call the doctor and express how hard it is caring for your father and focusing on yourself simultaneously. You are human and young, and you're far from an asshole. You're clearly a smart, kind, caring person. Try speak to your sister that has been there and seen how much you've dealt with & been through. I lost my mother too, it is the worst, the one true best friend you could rely on, you have your mothers strength & determination now. You have your sister and I'm sure she would understand you wanting to move on with your life. I live with my 74 y.o grandmother and I'm so very grateful for her, I feel like I just need and want to be with her 24/7 now (I am 30). As for yourself remember you're young and to always focus on yourself no matter how old you get, you must focus on you.

 

[dreamingofrest]

No, you're not an asshole at all. You deserve to get to live life for yourself in the way you want. I hope you're able to find some resources to help you and your family and find a future that looks right for you! Best of luck <3

 

[silentcicada]

You could try to look for a caretaker, or perhaps mention to your sister that she can apply to be his caretaker if you guys can't afford one. The government will pay her, although it probably won't be much at first.

You aren't an asshole at all for wanting to live your own life!

 

[wistfulness]

No, you're not the asshole if you want to move away and start your own life and no you're not an asshole because you choose to focus on yourself. As long as you have a plan (plan A, plan B) and a goal - you do what feels right. Are you from the UK? If so you could get your father's needs assessed? Social services should help with that, speaking with a doctor should be easier as he is elderly. I'm not sure on options if you're not in the UK but there has to be a service that you can use. Age Concern in the UK does similar things to help the elderly, I think. You could always call the doctor and express how hard it is caring for your father and focusing on yourself simultaneously. You are human and young, and you're far from an asshole. You're clearly a smart, kind, caring person. Try speak to your sister that has been there and seen how much you've dealt with & been through. I lost my mother too, it is the worst, the one true best friend you could rely on, you have your mothers strength & determination now. You have your sister and I'm sure she would understand you wanting to move on with your life. I live with my 74 y.o grandmother and I'm so very grateful for her, I feel like I just need and want to be with her 24/7 now (I am 30). As for yourself remember you're young and to always focus on yourself no matter how old you get, you must focus on you.

@raindrops, thank you so much for leaving such a detailed, kind response. I wish you all the best <3

 

[IWishToDie]

I posted this back in November and just wanted to see if anyone else has something to say about it:


I'm a 19F and my dad is 76. He's had Parkinson's since I was 10 and it's getting increasingly harder for him to move around, remember things, etc. My mom died 2 years ago and I started college last year close to my dad's house so I could still help my sister in taking care of him. We have another sister and a couple half siblings, but they're all older with established lives and no time to look after him. Since my sister and I never really got the chance to go off after high school, we kinda got stuck with the job. However I'm starting to look out at the rest of my life and I really don't see much of a point. I'm probably just going to be taking care of him until he dies and by then I could be too jaded to want to do much of anything. AITA if I move away to try and live a purposeful life somewhere else? AITA if I choose to focus on myself? I know it would be a huge adjustment for me but I don't have many other options. I wouldn't want to leave the responsibility on my sister alone but I can't see myself living much longer solely for other people, no matter how much I love them.

Wow, what a sh*tty situation to be thrust into. I am so sorry. Only you can answer this, when it becomes too difficult I would be researching professional aged care facilities. My mother looked after her parents for years but an inevitable time came where she just couldn't balance it all (between kids and work, her husband) and had to place them into a home. Best of luck.