I understand you. I feel the same way, I have so many days when I don't even want to get out of bed to face reality and am so angry I get to live another day of this unwanted life.
Unfortunately I have a job that comes with a lot of responsibility so I have no choice but to get up and go to work.
Circumstances force me to continue doing my work and interract with people at my job, but it is very hard doing that when all I think about is wanting to disappear.
I hate this life and I don't have anything to live for, it's just my damn SI that still keeps me here.
I do hope things get better for you, I am in no position to recommend anything but maybe going to a doctor to see if antidepressants would work for you is not a bad idea.