afraid to miss the chance

[wurr]

I don't like living. Every next day is worse than the previous. It is harder to distract myself from bad thoughts (Especially at night). And even when I manage to feel happy, everything just returns to "normal". I would have already done it by now, but I am very afraid that if I kms I'll miss my chance for happiness. More than anything I want to be happy again, but ending it all seems so tempting but also risky and scary at the same time.

Wondered if other people also feel smt similar to this.

 

[FindingHome]

I don't like living. Every next day is worse than the previous. It is harder to distract myself from bad thoughts (Especially at night). And even when I manage to feel happy, everything just returns to "normal". I would have already done it by now, but I am very afraid that if I kms I'll miss my chance for happiness. More than anything I want to be happy again, but ending it all seems so tempting but also risky and scary at the same time.

Wondered if other people also feel smt similar to this.

I hope you can find happiness again and you find peace of mind.

 

[Stormy Raine]

I completely understand how you feel and I feel the same way. I really want to live and I can only imagine being happy 1 day but I really don't see a possibility of that ever happening. Idk if I should try 1 more time or keep crying everyday and silently suffering and pray 1 day I can be free and happy. The easiest choice is to ctb, it's harder to continue living.

 

[wurr]

I completely understand how you feel and I feel the same way. I really want to live and I can only imagine being happy 1 day but I really don't see a possibility of that ever happening. Idk if I should try 1 more time or keep crying everyday and silently suffering and pray 1 day I can be free and happy. The easiest choice is to ctb, it's harder to continue living.

This very accurately described how I feel. Hope that you too can be happy one day

 

[Stormy Raine]

I hope you can too. The thoughts are getting harder to suppress, I almost did it tonight. I decided to keep trying so I took an extra sleeping pill in hopes I can't just rest and stop the thoughts. How about you?? How do you cope with everything?

 

[venting247]

Ever year seems to get worse. I'm so damaged, and when I do get better, it never lasts long and I just go back to feeling depressed again. I hope you can find happiness in your life soon, j wish you all the best. I know how it feels.

 

[wurr]

I hope you can too. The thoughts are getting harder to suppress, I almost did it tonight. I decided to keep trying so I took an extra sleeping pill in hopes I can't just rest and stop the thoughts. How about you?? How do you cope with everything?

Usualy when I get too many bad thoughts I try to distract myself by listing different things in my head (months, colours, countries. it doesn't matter what), or just walking around in circles in my room. Or sometimes I just pretend to have a conversation with myself. If that doesn't help I try scratching myself with a needle (bc I lost my stationary knife and never got around to buying a new one) or hitting myself with some hard object. It helps almost every time.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

Obviously you still have hope for your future that things could change in a way you'd be happy. It's either am early form of SI or it's your true desire. It's a very difficult situation. I also want to CTB because a part of me has given up long time ago but there's still hope left my personla situation could improve again.

I am very afraid that if I kms I'll miss my chance for happiness.

There's fear of the unknown after death and it's fear of missing out sth in life. I'm not afraid of what comes after death but when I was close to CTB I had a feeling of missing out sth in life too.

 

[Death is my goal]

can't relate, possible happiness will never stop me from ctb.. this world is straight up awful.. no chances will be missed

 

[Stormy Raine]

Usualy when I get too many bad thoughts I try to distract myself by listing different things in my head (months, colours, countries. it doesn't matter what), or just walking around in circles in my room. Or sometimes I just pretend to have a conversation with myself. If that doesn't help I try scratching myself with a needle (bc I lost my stationary knife and never got around to buying a new one) or hitting myself with some hard object. It helps almost every time.

That sounds so painful, I don't think I could do that. If the ideas get too bad, I'll put headphones on and blast some of my favorite music and dance like I'm happy and free!

 

[wurr]

That sounds so painful, I don't think I could do that. If the ideas get too bad, I'll put headphones on and blast some of my favorite music and dance like I'm happy and free!

ig this would help if the thoughts aren't too strong. But at a certain point the music just makes the thoughts louder, which makes it even worse for me. And my headphones are broken so yeah vsysysgdgeyehbe but glad that this's smt that works for u