Afraid of what people can do to me, arrest me,
Blackmail me, rape me, hurt me, straitjacketed,
Destroy me, humiliate me, torture me, federal prison, isolation chamber in a psych ward, mental hospital, electroshock therapy, I regret the past sins and have remorse, know they want to help, or so they claim or maybe not too uncertain what is going on behind the curtains,
I understand why my people snap to kill or snap to shoot up schools or movie theaters or in my case attempted suicide in my apartment, shot up a police station and tried to attempt suicide, try to find someone to murder me aka assisted suicide,
Got arrested went through the entire system, shot up military base, when I was trying to help out,
It made me break down and become a monster,
The multiple suicide attempts the shootings and the stabbings,
The anger, guilt, shame, and regret,
I let people take advantage of me,
"Why do you let people control you?",
I shouldn't people will claim crazy, insane, lack of humanity and say "are sure it wasn't a dream" or delusional or none of those things have ever happened in order to protect me from myself or to put me in my place, or in hopes to confuse me so I don't go insane due to the the seven human truths: bullshit, complete truth, half truth, half lie, complete lie, tell me everything I want to hear, or tell me everything I don't want to hear or "if I had it my way I would lock him in a looney bin and leave him to rot",
Those of you who read this may not even believe this I wouldn't blame you or myself for the world right now,
This happened so long ago still trying to figure out if the real year really is 2019 or is it farther in the year,
Just want to know the truth did I really get married and have kids with Ashley Marie Howard,
Which I probably shouldn't post this sorry admins and mods but they who supposedly look out for me read into this site from behind the scenes,
It is just my way to communicate with them,
Used to do subliminal messages on Facebook,
But that is not anonymous enough here I know they look into this site and hopefully understand this right so I "can remember correctly",
Or make sure I came back correctly,
Trying to make this sort of poetic,
Not to seem pathetic maybe apathetic,
Or the opposite whatever word to use that seems right,
Not trying to fight or give up or give in,
Maybe within myself but hopefully not because of someone else,
I just want to know my future and not suffer human torture,
I want to get my act together or maybe I already got it together or maybe never had it to begin with I'm too uncertain need have faith in myself,
That a name of daughter and a Jr of a son of myself, a son and daughter of us,
Within the family, friends, every other person's pet, a support network, if I still have one,
We did this to ourselves including myself,
I just want help I'm not certain if I deserve all the faces and all the names and the numbers back,
I don't need it all I just need you and your number back if I ever get it back.
Maybe the evidence or the photo album back or pictures or the wedding ring back not to let people control me.
Blackmail me, rape me, hurt me, straitjacketed,
Destroy me, humiliate me, torture me, federal prison, isolation chamber in a psych ward, mental hospital, electroshock therapy, I regret the past sins and have remorse, know they want to help, or so they claim or maybe not too uncertain what is going on behind the curtains,
I understand why my people snap to kill or snap to shoot up schools or movie theaters or in my case attempted suicide in my apartment, shot up a police station and tried to attempt suicide, try to find someone to murder me aka assisted suicide,
Got arrested went through the entire system, shot up military base, when I was trying to help out,
It made me break down and become a monster,
The multiple suicide attempts the shootings and the stabbings,
The anger, guilt, shame, and regret,
I let people take advantage of me,
"Why do you let people control you?",
I shouldn't people will claim crazy, insane, lack of humanity and say "are sure it wasn't a dream" or delusional or none of those things have ever happened in order to protect me from myself or to put me in my place, or in hopes to confuse me so I don't go insane due to the the seven human truths: bullshit, complete truth, half truth, half lie, complete lie, tell me everything I want to hear, or tell me everything I don't want to hear or "if I had it my way I would lock him in a looney bin and leave him to rot",
Those of you who read this may not even believe this I wouldn't blame you or myself for the world right now,
This happened so long ago still trying to figure out if the real year really is 2019 or is it farther in the year,
Just want to know the truth did I really get married and have kids with Ashley Marie Howard,
Which I probably shouldn't post this sorry admins and mods but they who supposedly look out for me read into this site from behind the scenes,
It is just my way to communicate with them,
Used to do subliminal messages on Facebook,
But that is not anonymous enough here I know they look into this site and hopefully understand this right so I "can remember correctly",
Or make sure I came back correctly,
Trying to make this sort of poetic,
Not to seem pathetic maybe apathetic,
Or the opposite whatever word to use that seems right,
Not trying to fight or give up or give in,
Maybe within myself but hopefully not because of someone else,
I just want to know my future and not suffer human torture,
I want to get my act together or maybe I already got it together or maybe never had it to begin with I'm too uncertain need have faith in myself,
That a name of daughter and a Jr of a son of myself, a son and daughter of us,
Within the family, friends, every other person's pet, a support network, if I still have one,
We did this to ourselves including myself,
I just want help I'm not certain if I deserve all the faces and all the names and the numbers back,
I don't need it all I just need you and your number back if I ever get it back.
Maybe the evidence or the photo album back or pictures or the wedding ring back not to let people control me.
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