Advice people give that they say will "help you" but really it doesn't work

[ScottPilgram]

Don't you hate it when some one gives you some none advice like "take a walk!" or "listen to positive music you need those positive vibes uwu". I think they are super annoying! In this thread let's discuss the most annoying ones we've received and ones we think don't work to well for us!

For me my father told me to listen to positive music and clean my room. Well ny room is SPOTLESS and has been for the past 2 weeks, and I tried listening to positive music but it just makes me angry. I don't agree with some of the things they say like "forgive and forget" that's total none advoce. And my room is clean yet I'm still barley able to function. I'll admit it's bice having it clean but it doesnt solve anything.

 

[Redt2go]

They do it because they care. They just don't know how to make you feel better. This kind of sadness can be hard to comprehend for some

 

[Jen Erik]

"You just need to put a little more effort into trying to get better."

 

[Johnnythefox]

"it could be worse"

"get a grip"

"man the fuck up"

"go out for a walk"

"you need a burd"

 

[TheGoodGuy]

"Could be worse" is the worst thing to say they don´t know how it is to be me to have to struggle with this pathetic weak body!

 

[waived]

The "pull yourself up" or other better than thou moral horse shit coming from dead shadows who have never slept outside let alone against their will in the winter while injured or sick. When you wake up for work off a sidewalk at an hour of hell that they'll never have to see in their entire lives and you can barely walk because your feet are so cold and you're told to compartmentalize your life better and not bring it to work with you. When the previous night you've been stopped 10 times by police who could destroy your life in as many ways because you are a disturbance to the social tranquility of capital and walking around because it is 13 below 0 and if you stop there is nothing and nobody that will prevent you from freezing to death. "Pull yourself up" in this way is a phrase used by bootlicking intellectual cowards.

 

[Ali]

" No sé por qué eres así"
" Deberías salir con tus amigos"
I no longer have friends, in reality none of the people who advise us know how difficult it is in our minds.

 

[ScottPilgram]

They do it because they care. They just don't know how to make you feel better. This kind of sadness can be hard to comprehend for some

I've known people who get really angry when you dont do their advice or it doesn't work. when you tell them they say "You aren't doing it right then!" They may do it because they care but that doesnt mean you have to be happy about the advice and you don't owe people anything. The least we can do is inform them about how what may work for them doesn't work for everyone

 

[Redt2go]

I've known people who get really angry when you dont do their advice or it doesn't work. when you tell them they say "You aren't doing it right then!" They may do it because they care but that doesnt mean you have to be happy about the advice and you don't owe people anything. The least we can do is inform them about how what may work for them doesn't work for everyone

I agree it sucks. It makes me angry sometimes too. All I'm saying is I know myself being depressed. I'm sad and people have broken their own hearts trying to make me happy... I just recognize that I'm lucky to have someone who cares to try to make me feel better. Even if they suck at doing so like suck so much that they make me feel worse. If this your parent then the anger is probably misplaced. They may blame themselves for your unhappiness. Or worse they're scared....

 

[ScottPilgram]

I agree it sucks. It makes me angry sometimes too. All I'm saying is I know myself being depressed. I'm sad and people have broken their own hearts trying to make me happy... I just recognize that I'm lucky to have someone who cares to try to make me feel better. Even if they suck at doing so like suck so much that they make me feel worse. If this your parent then the anger is probably misplaced. They may blame themselves for your unhappiness. Or worse they're scared....

My parent literally said he hates me and wants to kick me out lol I don't think my anger is misplaced. My mother blames me for every shitty thing that's ever happened in her life. But they both try to give me advice to make them look better. I don't owe them anything, I don't owe anyone else who has tried to help me. If they are gonna make me feel bad for it then they didnt help me out of the good of their hearts, they helped me for their own selfish reason.

 

[Weeping Garbage Can]

The least we can do is inform them about how what may work for them doesn't work for everyone

I agree with this. At least in my prior experiences, those who truly cared about my wellbeing more than their opportunity to seem like an authority listened when I told them "please stop giving me advice I didn't ask for. I would prefer you (however else they could help) right now instead". But maybe that won't work for everyone.

 

[Redt2go]

My parent literally said he hates me and wants to kick me out lol I don't think my anger is misplaced. My mother blames me for every shitty thing that's ever happened in her life. But they both try to give me advice to make them look better. I don't owe them anything, I don't owe anyone else who has tried to help me. If they are gonna make me feel bad for it then they didnt help me out of the good of their hearts, they helped me for their own selfish reason.

Darn sorry, sounds like your parents are saddos :/ I agree. I'm not.trying to argue with you. I was saying their anger was misplaced that they're taking out their own frustrations on you. You have every right to be pissed and frustrated and sad. When people you need treat you like that it's isolating

 

[ScottPilgram]

Darn sorry, sounds like your parents are saddos :/ I agree. I'm not.trying to argue with you. I was saying their anger was misplaced that they're taking out their own frustrations on you. You have every right to be pissed and frustrated and sad. When people you need treat you like that it's isolating

Ah ok! Then I misunderstood, I'm sorry about that.

 

[Redt2go]

Ah ok! Then I misunderstood, I'm sorry about that.

no worries. good luck with them

 

[s_girl]

This is a great topic to add this super helpful article about how to cure your depression...who knew that all along all I've needed was the right diet...?

Analysis: The best (and worst) foods for depression
http://www.abc.net.au/news/2019-02-04/to-improve-your-mood-ditch-the-junk-food/10776508

 

[wiIIow]

This is a great topic to add this super helpful article about how to cure your depression...who knew that all along all I've needed was the right diet...?

Analysis: The best (and worst) foods for depression
http://www.abc.net.au/news/2019-02-04/to-improve-your-mood-ditch-the-junk-food/10776508

I will say this: though altering your food intake obviously won't magically obliterate mental illness, anything you put into your body will usually affect the way your body and brain operate in some way. That includes food, drugs, whatever. I do personally notice subtle differences when I eat differently

Idk I guess I'm just saying that some of the advice given by well-meaning but oblivious folks may sometimes hold a bit of truth. It's never as simple as, "Just meditate! Eat a fuckin vegetable!! Go for a walk!" Obviously there is not one immediate blanket cure, that's ridiculous. However, practicing some of these things when you're able, have the potential to make chronic conditions and symptoms more manageable.

There is some truth to making small changes in your intake and activity, paying attention to what triggers certain feelings, thoughts, sensations, and figuring out what works for you. It's a slow and exhausting process, but it can help over time.

 

[daikon]

"Have you tried yoga? Have you tried meditation?"

 

[wiIIow]

I will say this: though altering your food intake obviously won't magically obliterate mental illness, anything you put into your body will usually affect the way your body and brain operate in some way. That includes food, drugs, whatever. I do personally notice subtle differences when I eat differently

Idk I guess I'm just saying that some of the advice given by well-meaning but oblivious folks may sometimes hold a bit of truth. It's never as simple as, "Just meditate! Eat a fuckin vegetable!! Go for a walk!" Obviously there is not one immediate blanket cure, that's ridiculous. However, practicing some of these things when you're able, have the potential to make chronic conditions and symptoms more manageable.

There is some truth to making small changes in your intake and activity, paying attention to what triggers certain feelings, thoughts, sensations, and figuring out what works for you. It's a slow and exhausting process, but it can help over time.

I would like to add on to this, because I worry I may be coming across as dismissive here. I absolutely did not mean to invalidate anybody here, I 100% understand the frustration with certain platitudes spouted by people who don't understand the complexity of mental illness, and truly believe that something so simple and straightforward will cure you. I think many of these people mean well, and i think many of them are only trying to make themselves feel good. I also have experienced being dismissed and shut down by family members in denial, who refused to try to understand.

I'm only saying that incorporating certain habits can make things a little bit easier for some people. Personally, I have not been responsive to psychiatric treatment, nor counseling. My first and last thoughts of the day used to be, "I just want to fucking die." I know what it's like to be in constant agony, and to feel like you are in a spiral that you cannot win against.
Recently, I have found certain things to be helpful in reducing the level of suffering, and that does include better eating habits. I can physically and mentally feel the difference between a day which I don't eat/eat like shit, and one where I eat decently. Just small little things, largely centering around mindfulness, that add up into a slightly better quality of life.

Idk, I just wanted to clarify that I'm not shooting anyone down, nor am I necessarily siding with people who give this sort of advice.

 

[Buddyluv19]

It really is a bummer to get arm-chair advice that doesn't help. The only way out of that I have observed is to get cancer. Most people will refrain from giving advice on that. Even if they've had it themselves, they'll refrain from comment. I know this is little consolation, but if you don't 'appear' really sick physically, it's probably better to refrain from discussing it unless you know the person you are talking to will understand.

 

[21Neberg]

"Have you tried yoga? Have you tried meditation?"

I hate that advice with a passion.

 

[Weeping Garbage Can]

. Most I know this is little consolation, but if you don't 'appear' really sick physically, it's probably better to refrain from discussing it unless you know the person you are talking to will understand.

I agree. Often people's reactions, most likely naive at best and straight up mean at worst, will most likely only worsen one's mood :(

 

[CJM]

I find it worse when they "try" and help you, it ends up being a conversation on comparing their sufferings to yours, basically all about them.

 

[FTL.Wanderer]

I've been surprised to find that even on this site. ... ... :(

 

[Final Escape]

Don't you hate it when some one gives you some none advice like "take a walk!" or "listen to positive music you need those positive vibes uwu". I think they are super annoying! In this thread let's discuss the most annoying ones we've received and ones we think don't work to well for us!

For me my father told me to listen to positive music and clean my room. Well ny room is SPOTLESS and has been for the past 2 weeks, and I tried listening to positive music but it just makes me angry. I don't agree with some of the things they say like "forgive and forget" that's total none advoce. And my room is clean yet I'm still barley able to function. I'll admit it's bice having it clean but it doesnt solve anything.

I remember an ex boyfriend once said to me. I think u just don't want to be happy. I was like are u serious? Lol!

 

[CFLoser]

"Just eat normally! ;)"

I like the advice "never give up" tho, that is rly cool and makes me wanna never give up

 

[Buddyluv19]

Here are two conditions under which I HATE advice:

1. The person giving the advice doesn't have ANY experience Relevant to my situation. For example, a person who's never looked in the general direction of a paint brush telling me how I should paint.

2. I didn't ask for it! If I had to live my life over, the one thing I would definitely change is politely listening to unsolicited advice. Honestly, had I just turned and walked away from these episodes, I could have a good 10 percent of my waking hours back to spend on more useful pursuits. And that's a LOT of time.

 

[Vegrau]

Literally telling me to work it off. Ffs they honestly thinks by working I will get better. Oooo apparently working and earning money for someone else will do me good. Why the hell we need doctors I wonder? I sincerely wish that they will live up to their own words. To never find rest, peace nor contentment. To work for every single second to the last of their days.

I just wish I get the chance to say the same thing to their face when they're buried in despair and death.

 

[TAW122]

The commons advices I get are:
"Have you seen a counselor?" or "Do you have someone to talk to?"

Ugh, the people who say these things are so condescending, makes shitty assumptions about my circumstances (which is often wrong and inaccurate on their end). I've gotten so fed up with people nowadays I just don't fucking open up anymore. It's all fucking cliche advice and they act like they know me better than I know myself. Goddammit, I know my self better than any motherfucker on this planet called Earth, and I know what I want. No one should tell me what I want since I'm a simplistic person, if I get what I am looking for, then problem solved, if not, then problem not solved (pain and suffering ensues, persists).

 

[Vegrau]

The commons advices I get are:
"Have you seen a counselor?" or "Do you have someone to talk to?"

Ugh, the people who say these things are so condescending, makes shitty assumptions about my circumstances (which is often wrong and inaccurate on their end). I've gotten so fed up with people nowadays I just don't fucking open up anymore. It's all fucking cliche advice and they act like they know me better than I know myself. Goddammit, I know my self better than any motherfucker on this planet called Earth, and I know what I want. No one should tell me what I want since I'm a simplistic person, if I get what I am looking for, then problem solved, if not, then problem not solved (pain and suffering ensues, persists).

Succinctly said. They always get the wrong idea and its simply idiotic talking to anyone at this point.

 

[dysfunctional]

Alot of the advice people give are things that help "normal" people feel better who are just having a bad day or week, year, whatever. When you're seriously depressed, nothing really makes you feel all the way better- or even close.
Funniest ones for me have been "maybe take a multivitamin?". "Excercise, drink lots of water". Yes those are normal healthy practices, but not enough to cure or even lighten serious depression.
The main things that have helped me where getting a bipolar disorder diagnosis and stopping my celexa. Excercise can help a bit, but I've lost so much fitness lately that I feel like a fucking joke working out. Probably the best thing is volunteering doing simple versions of things I used to do. Example: cut and split firewood- I used to be a commercial tree climber. Volunteer house remodeling: I used to build houses full time. At some point though it seems like alot of these are distraction.
And yes, yoga and meditiation used to help, but now that I'm severly depressed mixed w bipolar- my own mind is a hell that I want to avoid. These practices bring more awareness to your feelings.