Help Advice on prep and CTB timing

[feelingtrapped]

Hi, wanted to get peoples views on a few things

1) I've decided I almost certainly need to CTB. My depression is severe and I've tried numerous treatment options to no avail. I can't take it anymore but I have a lot guilt because I know my relatives will suffer. To me though the longer I drag it out the worse it will be though. To watch me decline more and also further alienate people seems crueler. Thoughts?

2) Advice on how to wipe my e mail and also make sure they won't be able to access this site and my posts? I know it would hurt them to read

3) other things I can do to make easier on my parents?

4) I've ordered SN from CCS but need to get the other items needed for this method. Any suggestions for how to get AE? Other tips? I've read up a lot but always welcome more info.

Feel free to PM me as well.

Much appreciated

 

[Raised Rat]

Suffering from a similar situation. The first question is kind of hard because ultimately the decision on when is up to you. It sucks that even when one wants to ctb it's still difficult because of the one's we love. The only advice I can give for this is that if your relatives love you they will inevitably come to a point of acceptance after the matter. There will be suffering but that's not your fault, it's a fault of the times. :/

For the email, my plan is to delete mine the day before as to have no trace of this site or anything related to ctb. I'll also be changing my passwords before wiping and factory resetting all my devices. The reason for this is because there's going to inevitably be grief when I leave, but I'd like to minimize that grief.

Finally, the best I can think of to make it easier on your parents is doing it somewhere where they won't walk in and find you. I don't really have much advice other than doing this and wiping your devices.

I truly am sorry for all the pain you've been through. I hope this somewhat helped.