Advice/Help: do i reach out if blocked

[lovedread]

I know I shouldn't but before I commit I really just want to talk to him on the phone one more time. Have any of you done this, reached out to an ex or exfriend when you were feeling really suicidal? Is it stupid?

I mean he will probably just hang up and block my burner but still. I just need to talk to him again. I need a reason to keep going
It's okay if were arent friends again but i just need to work things out with them and have closure

 

[Felodese]

Maybe not call when you're at your most desperate. Kind of like how you shouldn't call your ex when drunk.
If you have moments when you feel a bit more calm, take a minute to think if you really want to talk to this person. And if you still do, then go give it a try, but maybe try to keep it casual and not let all your emotions out at once.
I think that's what I'd do, anyway.

 

[Meteora]

If you don t tell him what your plans are, ok. But telling him your gonna kill yourself...
not good.

 

[Felodese]

If you don t tell him what your plans are, ok. But telling him your gonna kill yourself...
not good.

This. Very good point.

 

[crystal_meth97]

I don't know if it's a good idea honestly, but that's none of my business. Try to reach him on social media maybe if he's blocked your phone number? Just my idea. I've been in similar situations before and while I regretted contacting the person again, that's how I did it, on FB or any other social media app.

 

[Lookingtoflyfree]

If they've blocked you they're saying what they want - which is nothing. It's cruel when people do this knowing that we care for them.

 

[Ash]

If you're already blocked, then leave them alone. They've made it clear that they don't want contact. Respect that boundary.

If I've misunderstood and you're not already blocked, ask yourself who will benefit from the conversation. Will it be constructive or just end in more upset and aguish for one or both of you? If your ex is the one who will be hurt while you benefit - and you claim to care about them - then leave them alone.

If you parted on good terms but lost touch, then go for it, though it doesn't sound likely from the mention of blocking.

 

[Linda]

I know I shouldn't but before I commit I really just want to talk to him on the phone one more time. Have any of you done this, reached out to an ex or exfriend when you were feeling really suicidal? Is it stupid?

I mean he will probably just hang up and block my burner but still. I just need to talk to him again. I need a reason to keep going
It's okay if were arent friends again but i just need to work things out with them and have closure

I understand the need for closure. For half a century I have been wanting closure with someone I once loved deeply. (The full story is complicated and this isn't the place to go into it.) I don't expect to get it, which is a pity as I could die more peacefully if I did get closure. Without knowing more about your history and past involvement with this person I can't be sure what will happen if you contact him, or what the odds are of you getting some closure. You lose nothing by trying - but be prepared for disappointment.

 

[Roseate]

Not a good idea it's just going to push you to a worse place. He isn't going to say what you want him to, act the way you'd like. Honestly he might be cruel and mean. It's just not worth it.

 

[EvisceratedJester]

If they've blocked you they're saying what they want - which is nothing. It's cruel when people do this knowing that we care for them.

People are allowed to establish their boundaries and even if you care for them it's likely that they blocked you for a reason. Them blocking you doesn't automatically make them the cruel one.


OP, if he blocked you then you have to accept that. Trying to contact him will only hurt both of you. You have to accept the fact that he doesn't want you contacting him and leave him alone.

 

[Roseate]

People are allowed to establish their boundaries and even if you care for them it's likely that they blocked you for a reason. Them blocking you doesn't automatically make them the cruel one.


OP, if he blocked you then you have to accept that. Trying to contact him will only hurt both of you. You have to accept the fact that he doesn't want you contacting him and leave him alone.

Sometimes the boundaries they're trying to establish is really just a lack of accountability cuz parents fail to raise their kids to hold themselves accountable and they don't want to admit they fucked up so they write you off as the bad one and block you for not understanding them betraying you

 

[EvisceratedJester]

Sometimes the boundaries they're trying to establish is really just a lack of accountability cuz parents fail to raise their kids to hold themselves accountable and they don't want to admit they fucked up so they write you off as the bad one and block you for not understanding them betraying you

So, you're just assuming that's why their ex blocked them? Seriously? Even going by your example, you should still respect their boundaries. Unless you have a good reason to otherwise, you leave them alone. Also, based on the OP's post, it seems as though there is more to the situation than it just being a "muh, they not accountable bad guy" ordeal.

 

[Roseate]

So, you're just assuming that's why their ex blocked them? Seriously? Even going by your example, you should still respect their boundaries. Unless you have a good reason to otherwise, you leave them alone. Also, based on the OP's post, it seems as though there is more to the situation than it just being a "muh, they not accountable bad guy" ordeal.

I didn't say it was the case in this situation but usually it is, like let's be honest people suck at holding themselves accountable and they play with peoples feelings until it no longer serves them and they click the block button so they're not held responsible. Actions have consequences, and whenever it's finally consequence time they block. Again not always the case but it does happen that way.

 

[painoflife]

The first 4 words of your post already show that you know the answer to this.

I wouldnt want it to cause either you or the other person anymore bad feelings so its probably best to leave the situation alone.
Its horrible not having closure on something but sometimes we need to accept that we cant force others to do what we want, they have shown they dont want to talk to you so tricking them into doing so is not going to be the start of a productive conversation.

 

[locked*n*loaded]

Sounds already like there is closure. How much more closed can the relationship be?

 

[EvisceratedJester]

I didn't say it was the case in this situation but usually it is, like let's be honest people suck at holding themselves accountable and they play with peoples feelings until it no longer serves them and they click the block button so they're not held responsible. Actions have consequences, and whenever it's finally consequence time they block. Again not always the case but it does happen that way.

It usually isn't though. Most people only block others for good reason. This argument is honestly just concerning since I'd imagine that this would be the same sort of shit being said by people who were blocked for being toxic. People usually only block others because of things, like abuse, toxicity, during times of extreme emotional distress (pushing others away), etc. It being done because of a lack of accountability only makes up the minority of cases.

 

[lovedread]

Yeah i never reached out obviously. Thatd be too manipulative and weird. Tbh i posted this when I was deep in crisis. Didnt even see yalls replies till now

People are allowed to establish their boundaries and even if you care for them it's likely that they blocked you for a reason. Them blocking you doesn't automatically make them the cruel one.


OP, if he blocked you then you have to accept that. Trying to contact him will only hurt both of you. You have to accept the fact that he doesn't want you contacting him and leave him alone.

Yes I agree. I just needed to let the emotions pass and it mostly did. I don't know if I called them cruel but if I did then I take it back, no he isn't cruel for asserting his boundaries it just felt that way in the moment bc of the heightened ass emotions.

 

[Saturn_]

You did the right thing but I really feel for you, I've been in similar situations where I just wanted to go back to feeling loved and receiving comfort from a special person in my life. Please don't be too hard on yourself. Treat yourself and try to give yourself love when the target of your affection won't give you said love that you desire. Sending positivity your way

 

[errorsinmypast]

Personally I think you should respect the boundaries he's put in place. It's vile and horrible that he's blocked you but from experience reaching out after a block does not help, it only aggravates the situation. He clearly isn't worthy of you and you deserve better. Write him a long heart felt letter then burn it, scream Into you pillow, anything that helps you relieve the feelings. Sorry you're hurting, people are cruel to the core sometimes.

 

[ms_beaverhousen]

Sometimes the boundaries they're trying to establish is really just a lack of accountability cuz parents fail to raise their kids to hold themselves accountable and they don't want to admit they fucked up so they write you off as the bad one and block you for not understanding them betraying you

Or they had decent parents but still become grade A covert narcisstic pricks. They may be emotionally stunted or are only self-serving. All kinds of reasons really. Don't make it your problem. It's a bitch to move on but you don't want to lower yourself to this standard. If he wanted to contact you, he would. Hard truth to swallow. Been there. ✌

 

[lita-lassi]

writing a really long letter "to them" about everything you want to tell them or how you feel about everything is a really good strategy to help gain some catharsis on the situation. i wrote what wound up being like 10 pages to an asshole who helped ruin my mental health. felt amazing telling him how unbelievably horribly hed fucked me over. just dont mail it lol

 

[lovedread]

You did the right thing but I really feel for you, I've been in similar situations where I just wanted to go back to feeling loved and receiving comfort from a special person in my life. Please don't be too hard on yourself. Treat yourself and try to give yourself love when the target of your affection won't give you said love that you desire. Sending positivity your way

Thanks. I appreciate the kind words a lot, not received many of those lately. A week or a few days before posting this I emailed an apology (after being blocked) so it wouldve been extremely inappropriate to reach out AGAIN just bc I was suicidal. Im glad i didn't try calling or anything. Hes already telling people on social media that the apology I emailed him was a suicide note to emotionally manipulate him which just…isnt ttue. Telling me to rest in piss and how grateful he is that ill be dead. Nowhere did i mention or even allude to suicide in that shit. He just saw me tweeting abt si (after i changed my username) and assumed it was a letter. Fucking asshole. Lol.

 

[Saturn_]

Thanks. I appreciate the kind words a lot, not received many of those lately. A week or a few days before posting this I emailed an apology (after being blocked) so it wouldve been extremely inappropriate to reach out AGAIN just bc I was suicidal.

I think it'd be best to keep it at that, yeah. But I completely understand this urge to reach out and try to get things to go back to the way they were. I am always yearning about the past and love like that. Acknowledge your ex's boundaries and leave him be, but also recognize that, like anyone else, you are a person who feels extreme pain from breakups and desires love and warmth like anyone else. I hope that this is something you can slowly heal from. If you ever need someone to talk to, I'm here

 

[Lookingtoflyfree]

People are allowed to establish their boundaries and even if you care for them it's likely that they blocked you for a reason. Them blocking you doesn't automatically make them the cruel one.

The context is someone wanting closure - that's normal. I have someone who's blocked me, and yes, unless you're abusing them to just block them without any context is a form of cruelty

 

[EvisceratedJester]

The context is someone wanting closure - that's normal. I have someone who's blocked me, and yes, unless you're abusing them to just block them without any context is a form of cruelty

It's not a form of cruelty. People aren't obligated to explain they blocked someone.

 

[SweetSacrifice]

I think it depends on the nature of the relationship you had with a person before the blocking took place as to whether it is 'cruel' or not. If it's someone you've known for a while and been close to, suddenly being blocked for no apparent reason and with no explanation would, in my opinion, be unfair. But if an explanation has been given, whilst I can understand wanting closure, in reality, closure has a different meaning for everyone. Sometimes you can never end things in a way which is satisfactory to the other person and you can only go over the same ground so many times with a person before blocking becomes the only viable option. For both their sake and yours.

 

[lovedread]

I think it depends on the nature of the relationship you had with a person before the blocking took place as to whether it is 'cruel' or not. If it's someone you've known for a while and been close to, suddenly being blocked for no apparent reason and with no explanation would, in my opinion, be unfair. But if an explanation has been given, whilst I can understand wanting closure, in reality, closure has a different meaning for everyone. Sometimes you can never end things in a way which is satisfactory to the other person and you can only go over the same ground so many times with a person before blocking becomes the only viable option. For both their sake and yours.

Omg im literally so confused whereeee did i say it was cruel to block?! I already said I was in crisis when I wrote this and I never ended up calling, because I already violated the boundary when I emailed him a google doc apology. Yes an explanation is was given.