Adults: if you wanted to meet new people nowadays, how would you do it?

[Ambivalent1]

Seems impossible

 

[foreverfalling]

I had tried to use meetup.com, but always leave even emptier feeling like I didn't connect with any of those people. I haven't tried to meet new people in a year, I feel like I've really given up. I already know the outcome.

 

[ctvunny]

I dont seem to have a problem meeting new people. The problem of keeping in contact is my only issue. One thing is for sure, you can meet new people thru video games. At least that is how for me.

 

[obligatoryshackles]

If you just want to meet new people that's easy. There are numerous ways to do that online - use community apps designed for you to meet people, join a hobby group like a Dungeon and Dragons campaign that meets regularly, or heck, just play any game with a voice chat and ask people to be friends if you get along during a match. If you want to meet people offline, join a book club or any group activity you might see being advertised in places like a library, community center, gym, game store, etc., or just hang out in a bar and talk to people or even just hope you get talked to.

I suspect that the problem isn't quite that simple if you're struggling though.

 

[sick.faery]

i'd just make a discord, or maybe download some types of random chat or meet new peeps apps

 

[FormerlyFe(IV)]

Work? I don't know.

Every friend group I have ever been in I just joined passively. I have zero idea on how to actually meet people.
Either I get lucky and find a group (college), don't get lucky and be a loner (also college), or have a fun coworker.
I'm terrible at maintaining friendships though. I probably hang out the most but interpersonally text the least in my current group.

 

[theslasher]

Go outside

Work? I don't know.

Every friend group I have ever been in I just joined passively. I have zero idea on how to actually meet people.
Either I get lucky and find a group (college), don't get lucky and be a loner (also college), or have a fun coworker.
I'm terrible at maintaining friendships though. I probably hang out the most but interpersonally text the least in my current group.

Sometimes I think it's better to not get too personal with co-workers, but also it depends. I think you can definitely get some good friend groups depending on where you work. If increasing your social circle is part of the goal, then maybe fun places like trampoline parks, tubing, zip lining, arcades, things of that nature would be good.

 

[Ambivalent1]

I dont seem to have a problem meeting new people. The problem of keeping in contact is my only issue. One thing is for sure, you can meet new people thru video games. At least that is how for me.

Maintaining the connection is also hard

If you just want to meet new people that's easy. There are numerous ways to do that online - use community apps designed for you to meet people, join a hobby group like a Dungeon and Dragons campaign that meets regularly, or heck, just play any game with a voice chat and ask people to be friends if you get along during a match. If you want to meet people offline, join a book club or any group activity you might see being advertised in places like a library, community center, gym, game store, etc., or just hang out in a bar and talk to people or even just hope you get talked to.

I suspect that the problem isn't quite that simple if you're struggling though.

I also have anxiety and trust issues. I have no concept of who I am because everyone treats me differently. I want a general idea of how I'm viewed in person.

Go outside

Sometimes I think it's better to not get too personal with co-workers, but also it depends. I think you can definitely get some good friend groups depending on where you work. If increasing your social circle is part of the goal, then maybe fun places like trampoline parks, tubing, zip lining, arcades, things of that nature would be good.

Go where outside? Sit alone at the park? I've done that

 

[Passersby]

It's very hard the older we get. It also depends a lot on where you live, the resources you might have available, and if anything is wrong with you that can be limiting. I don't work or really do anything anymore so that makes it almost impossible to build anything. Spent yrs living as a NeeT. You can go to a bar or restaurant if you have the money. The world is getting super expensive now though and that sucks big time. Depending on where you live it might just be a distraction and a way to pass time without actually meeting anybody cool that you are interested in or anyone at all. You could go see a band. Music brings people together. There is also the anxiety etc to get past in order to even try these things. Some of the things other peeps said too like internet, games, school if you go, activities, etc. It's hard. As adults though lots of these things are gone and most people who work wouldn't want to hang out with someone else from work. I would be looking for someone who is different and cool that I could connect with. There also has to even be people you are interested in meeting or hangin out with and for me there aren't any. We either stay in the hole, try to fight our way out of it and start forcing everything, or die. Let me know if you decide to try any of these things and how it goes.

 

[ZoloftSüchtig]

I don't know if I count as adult as I am 18. If I wanted to meet new people I'd probably try to find people with the same hobbies as me. For example if you like skateboarding like I do then go to a skatepark and you'll hopefully find some nice people there with the same hobby. Parties are also a good way to get to know new people. With the newly gained social anxiety I have it's hard to do that do.

 

[DeadHead]

Walk a dog in a park. I don't want to meet anyone but I sometimes walk a friend's dog and I've met loads of new people (I didn't want to meet) :-)

 

[benzol]

go to a football club with has about 500 to 2000 spectators in average. So not a large stadium where everybody is seating on a certain place, but enough people to connect and where you can walk around during the match

 

[eashanm]

 

[Amelie]

To be perfectly honest I'd rather meet people online who share my interests. I'd rather make friends somewhere like SS than anywhere at this point. People irl generally don't share my views or experiences and are 'normies' in the worst way.

 

[アホペンギン]

I don't meet up with new people, to me, it's useless because I'll be dead very soon.

 

[obligatoryshackles]

I also have anxiety and trust issues. I have no concept of who I am because everyone treats me differently. I want a general idea of how I'm viewed in person.

Sorry, I didn't get a notification from your reply for some reason.

Making connections is certainly much harder than just meeting people, especially with those additional hurdles. Not to mention the sheer effort required to then maintain those connections.

It's not going to be easy, but if you truly want it, you should start by just meeting people, which I suspect you already know how to do.

Pick the favorite people you meet and start messaging them every day about something mundane. Recommend tv show or song you enjoy, tell them about a squirrel you saw, heck, talk about the weather, if it's interesting that day. If there's no one you even remotely like, go meet more people again.

As a rule of thumb, if they don't reply by the third day, you should stop messaging that person. It's going to be difficult, but do your best to maintain a conversation if they do reply. Don't forget that you have every right to stop replying too, if the conversation goes somewhere you don't like,

And make sure you keep this in mind - your goal here is not to make a connection or to even make conversation but to just talk to people. Listen to what they're saying, but also say what's on your mind. Follow the flow of conversation as best as you can.

Tons of people will not reply. Some people will stop replying after giving a few half hearted replies. It may take a long, long time before anything comes out of it. But you'll get better at it over time. If you're lucky, some people will eventually stick around.

If you run out of people who reply, go meet people again.


A few tips additional tips of questionable value:

If you are heterosexual, try to not message people of the gender you're attracted to.

It's ok to ask someone about how they felt about conversing with you.

People do not necessarily dislike you if they don't reply - sometimes it's just too much of a pain in the ass to have to talk to a new person regardless of who they are.

If you don't know when it's ok to start being weird, wait for them to be weird first.

 

[vitbar]

My last couple of new friends I met through work. Connecting with people is a numbers game sadly. Got to keep failing before you find success. Particularly difficult with depression sapping your motivation and difficulty regulating emotions.

 

[Ambivalent1]

Sorry, I didn't get a notification from your reply for some reason.

Making connections is certainly much harder than just meeting people, especially with those additional hurdles. Not to mention the sheer effort required to then maintain those connections.

It's not going to be easy, but if you truly want it, you should start by just meeting people, which I suspect you already know how to do.

Pick the favorite people you meet and start messaging them every day about something mundane. Recommend tv show or song you enjoy, tell them about a squirrel you saw, heck, talk about the weather, if it's interesting that day. If there's no one you even remotely like, go meet more people again.

As a rule of thumb, if they don't reply by the third day, you should stop messaging that person. It's going to be difficult, but do your best to maintain a conversation if they do reply. Don't forget that you have every right to stop replying too, if the conversation goes somewhere you don't like,

And make sure you keep this in mind - your goal here is not to make a connection or to even make conversation but to just talk to people. Listen to what they're saying, but also say what's on your mind. Follow the flow of conversation as best as you can.

Tons of people will not reply. Some people will stop replying after giving a few half hearted replies. It may take a long, long time before anything comes out of it. But you'll get better at it over time. If you're lucky, some people will eventually stick around.

If you run out of people who reply, go meet people again.


A few tips additional tips of questionable value:

If you are heterosexual, try to not message people of the gender you're attracted to.

It's ok to ask someone about how they felt about conversing with you.

People do not necessarily dislike you if they don't reply - sometimes it's just too much of a pain in the ass to have to talk to a new person regardless of who they are.

If you don't know when it's ok to start being weird, wait for them to be weird first.

Seems insanely difficult

 

[BornByGhosts]

discord servers centered around a specific hobby, preferrably narrowed down to areas where meeting up irl is accessible

 

[obligatoryshackles]

Seems insanely difficult

I'm afraid of setting expectations too high, so I tend to give pessimistic estimates.

I think it depends how much effort it takes you to motivate yourself to go out and meet people through whatever method you choose and then messaging people you get along with. If you can get over the initial hurdle, I think it should flow naturally.

But I understand, with anxiety and a bias towards distrust, it must be terrifying beyond what I can imagine. If you want to practice just talking to someone, feel free to message me, though with time zones and all I can't guarantee a timely response.

 

[Ambivalent1]

discord servers centered around a specific hobby, preferrably narrowed down to areas where meeting up irl is accessible

How does discord work?

I'm afraid of setting expectations too high, so I tend to give pessimistic estimates.

I think it depends how much effort it takes you to motivate yourself to go out and meet people through whatever method you choose and then messaging people you get along with. If you can get over the initial hurdle, I think it should flow naturally.

But I understand, with anxiety and a bias towards distrust, it must be terrifying beyond what I can imagine. If you want to practice just talking to someone, feel free to message me, though with time zones and all I can't guarantee a timely response.

I want to try bars but I'm afraid of men wanting to fight. I dislike most men. They're largely uninteresting, primitive, combative, competitive, can be irrationally angry for the tiniest thing.
And then if nothing happens, I meet no women, and I'm just there alone looking awkward.

 

[Touhou]

Discord.

 

[k1w1]

Always surprises me that in this jam-packed world one would not be able to meet others. FWIW .... supermarkets are a people-shopping paradise. You get to vet them by what is in their trolley, if it's full of crap....well as they say 'you are what you eat'. Friends are built up over a lifetime of work, social pursuits & interests as previous posts have said. Romance? That is another matter entirely, but charm goes a long way along with a decent standard of presentation.

 

[BornByGhosts]

If you are heterosexual, try to not message people of the gender you're attracted to.

Hm, how come?

 

[F&Inside]

Hello everyone.
Both out there and online, there is always an opportunity to meet new people if you move a little.
If we are lucky, If there is a natural connection, this can be perceived, everything will develop smoothly. And we can have one more person in our lives.
Good luck.

 

[obligatoryshackles]

Hm, how come?

It's questionable advice as I mentioned, but the point of the instructions given is to keep yourself relatively detached from the social interactions you're having, because the main purpose is to practice social interaction and become more comfortable talking to people and not the outcome of the interaction itself. This is because the outcome of the interaction (whether or not you become friends, whether they even reply, whether they decide to attack you for whatever reason, etc.) is ultimately controlled by the other person - and you don't want to let someone else be the one in control of whether you succeed or not. In direct terms, success should be "I messaged three people today!" and not "three people replied to me today!" because you're in control of the first one while the other person is in control of the latter.

But when you're talking to someone you can potentially have romantic interest in, it can become much more difficult to remain emotionally detached from the outcome and thus a negative interaction (even as simple as not receiving a reply!) can be much harder to overcome, making any further attempts at social interaction all the more difficult.

This isn't universally applicable - I think some people would actually do better the other way around, but I think most people wouldn't.

 

[Stormy Raine]

I don't want to meet new people, I only want online friends. So many people have let me down and I can't get lost in others problems, I can't fix my own. For those who want to meet others I suggest online web sites so you can see who's in your area and start chatting online and meet if you feel comfortable. There's so many apps to choose from

 

[obligatoryshackles]

I want to try bars but I'm afraid of men wanting to fight. I dislike most men. They're largely uninteresting, primitive, combative, competitive, can be irrationally angry for the tiniest thing.
And then if nothing happens, I meet no women, and I'm just there alone looking awkward.

I apologize, but I can't say I know you well enough to give any solid advice on specific places/ways to meet people that suit you. I would say that bars are probably not a good idea though, given what you've mentioned so far.

Online interactions are basically always more safe, if that's what you're worried about, not to mention it's a lot easier to be in a position to message someone directly when you met them online. On the other hand, it's a little more difficult to form real connection because our brains are wired for face to face interactions.

What are you interested in normally? It can always help in making a connection when you have a shared interest.

 

[pinemarten]

In general I think that doing a hobby sport, or just a hobby group, would provide some decent social opportunities because it gives you a thing to do, a reason to be there in the first place, that social interactions can then crystallise around. A couple things, hobbies, I would quite like to do are: bouldering (like indoor climbing) and learning BJJ. In my mind I see these types of things as possible ways to meet people, as well as being fun activities on their own. But for you it could be something else: tennis, knitting, D&D, something you've always had an inkling might be fun but have yet to try.

Like in my mind if I went to bouldering my main focus would be on doing the boulder problems but after a while perhaps I would be able to strike up a casual conversation with someone else there to discuss what I was climbing or what they were climbing. Then over time when you end up having more of these interactions a familiarity arises and perhaps they, or you, invite the other to a social gathering or whatever and a relationship builds from there.

There's no way I could meet people without having a 'thing' to do in the first place, something to hide behind and cling to. But I believe I could do it at a hobby sport thing. That said, I've yet to actually take the first step and do these things because I'm an anxious wreck and have no money coming in but perhaps someday eh.

 

[WhenTheSunHits95]

I typically try to meet people at shows or events that align with my interests. Luckily most of my music taste lies in genres that dont pull huge crowds, so its a lot easier to go up to someone and strike up conversation. Music is a big one. A lot of the friends i've made started with "Hey i like your shirt, I love that band"