falling_snow
Mage
- Aug 9, 2023
- 528
While growing up, I really didn't know where the fuck I was going. As a child, I wanted to be like my father. That until I saw that he was just a big dumb piece of shit. Substance abuse, neglect, basically invisible through my whole life, how the fuck did I even aspire to be him?
But we don't get into my mother, that's a whole different ride. Narcissistic, I felt like I was her doll for my entire life. She literally used me like a little puppet, didn't learn how to socialize, didn't get the opportunity to learn about myself, hated my body because of her comments, etc... When I was 10, I tried to ctb. NO METHOD, NO IDEA, I JUST WANTED TO DIE BECAUSE I JUST COULDN'T WITH THIS WHOLE BULLSHIT. I tried hanging myself like in the movies (spoiler: bad idea), it left me with bruises and didn't even know wtf was happening.
Now, as a young adult, I see myself more and more like my mother. It's disgusting. I can't even look at my mirror anymore. Though I see her most of my days, looking at any person in my family just triggers me.
That is also why I want to ctb, if I grow up to be like that, then I'm not reaching 25, fuck it I'm going to ctb next year. It makes me wanna puke.
But we don't get into my mother, that's a whole different ride. Narcissistic, I felt like I was her doll for my entire life. She literally used me like a little puppet, didn't learn how to socialize, didn't get the opportunity to learn about myself, hated my body because of her comments, etc... When I was 10, I tried to ctb. NO METHOD, NO IDEA, I JUST WANTED TO DIE BECAUSE I JUST COULDN'T WITH THIS WHOLE BULLSHIT. I tried hanging myself like in the movies (spoiler: bad idea), it left me with bruises and didn't even know wtf was happening.
Now, as a young adult, I see myself more and more like my mother. It's disgusting. I can't even look at my mirror anymore. Though I see her most of my days, looking at any person in my family just triggers me.
That is also why I want to ctb, if I grow up to be like that, then I'm not reaching 25, fuck it I'm going to ctb next year. It makes me wanna puke.
