Title sums it up. I have no friends, no social life, no job, and a somewhat strained relationship w my family. I have no one to blame but myself for this.
I went thru what I think was a drug induced psychosis a few years ago and it completely killed who I used to be. I never went to a doctor to see if it was actually a psychotic episode, but I'm 99% sure that it was. I thought i was going through a spiritual awakening and that I had hidden answers to the universe. The worst part was the paranoia. I was reading into EVERY LITTLE THING and would assume some of my closest friends were actually out to get me. Not in a violent way, I just thought they were trying to fuck with me thru subliminal messages.
I lost pretty much my entire social circle and had strained relationships with those that stayed.
I'm better now (delusions wise) but I'm not the same as I was before. I went from being a happy, optimistic, somewhat intelligent guy, to an addict w zero drive, ambition or discipline and brain fog so bad I can barely even talk normally, leeching off my parents in my early 20s. All I do is sit at home and do nothing, I don't go out, don't work, barely clean, and just numb myself daily. I constantly oversleep to like 1-2pm & waste the day. I can't even think straight, like my mind is on autopilot 24/7.
My parents have been putting up with my shit for so long I'm pretty sure they're starting to resent me. I'm irritable 24/7 because I'm either high as fuck or crashing so i'm being rude to them during most interactions. When I'm alone at night it's like the guilt I built up during the day floods my system all at once and I just want to burst in their room, wake them up and apologise for everything I've done and said. I love my parents so fucking much but from the way I am sometimes you'd think I despise them.
I want to do more for them, I'm tired of feeling like a burden but I just don't have the energy to keep trying anymore. I feel like their lives would be sm easier if I weren't here.
Sorry if my post is hard to follow, it's late as hell and i'm half asleep but I really needed to vent.
I went thru what I think was a drug induced psychosis a few years ago and it completely killed who I used to be. I never went to a doctor to see if it was actually a psychotic episode, but I'm 99% sure that it was. I thought i was going through a spiritual awakening and that I had hidden answers to the universe. The worst part was the paranoia. I was reading into EVERY LITTLE THING and would assume some of my closest friends were actually out to get me. Not in a violent way, I just thought they were trying to fuck with me thru subliminal messages.
I lost pretty much my entire social circle and had strained relationships with those that stayed.
I'm better now (delusions wise) but I'm not the same as I was before. I went from being a happy, optimistic, somewhat intelligent guy, to an addict w zero drive, ambition or discipline and brain fog so bad I can barely even talk normally, leeching off my parents in my early 20s. All I do is sit at home and do nothing, I don't go out, don't work, barely clean, and just numb myself daily. I constantly oversleep to like 1-2pm & waste the day. I can't even think straight, like my mind is on autopilot 24/7.
My parents have been putting up with my shit for so long I'm pretty sure they're starting to resent me. I'm irritable 24/7 because I'm either high as fuck or crashing so i'm being rude to them during most interactions. When I'm alone at night it's like the guilt I built up during the day floods my system all at once and I just want to burst in their room, wake them up and apologise for everything I've done and said. I love my parents so fucking much but from the way I am sometimes you'd think I despise them.
I want to do more for them, I'm tired of feeling like a burden but I just don't have the energy to keep trying anymore. I feel like their lives would be sm easier if I weren't here.
Sorry if my post is hard to follow, it's late as hell and i'm half asleep but I really needed to vent.
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