Venting About to fail college again, might be the end of the line

[astroproto]

Already dropped out once and got back in after nearly a year of moping because I don't know what else to do and my parents wanted me to get back and someone somehow made me ever so slightly believe that I could change. For nearly two years that I've been back in college, I could barely do shit right and inconvenienced both my professors and peers who were forced to have me in their group. I kept walking the line between failing and passing for multiple semesters now and I'm pretty sure that I won't be able to make it this time. I still haven't worked on my thesis proposal and failed to submit multiple assignments.

Don't know how I got this far and now I don't know how I'll even proceed. If I know myself, I'll probably end up the same as I was when I first dropped out, not following through with my plan to CTB and just remain a shut-in NEET. Fuck me.

 

[Nightfoot]

It sounds as though your heart really isn't in the college path. If so, that's okay. College isn't for everyone and lots of people succeed without it. Or, maybe college just isn't for you right now. Lots of people in their 40s and older decide to go to college. What is your heart into? What interests you enough to be willing to make the commitment necessary to succeed? Many parents have their own dreams and ideas about what their children do in life. But you're the one who has to life your life, not them.

 

[astroproto]

It sounds as though your heart really isn't in the college path. If so, that's okay. College isn't for everyone and lots of people succeed without it. Or, maybe college just isn't for you right now. Lots of people in their 40s and older decide to go to college. What is your heart into? What interests you enough to be willing to make the commitment necessary to succeed? Many parents have their own dreams and ideas about what their children do in life. But you're the one who has to life your life, not them.

Appreciate the response but I don't know. I don't think my heart is for any path at this point. I already tried getting a job and I was immediately booted out of the interview trying to answer the first question. I know you're supposed to keep trying but I think I'll just keep getting out worse for wear until I stop altogether. Work environment also just seems way to close to school environment in terms of people and I think social anxiety will get the best of me.

Part of me wants the menial labor so I can get out of my head but I also dread the thought of living in a loop just as I've always done. I look at my parents and I'm afraid of being accustomed to how fucking boring and normal my life is bound to be. If I want to get out of my parents' hair, I think I need to build a career which I don't even have the grit for.

I never had the passion to create. I always wished I can create art or music like other people but I already tried and I realized I don't even have the attention span or determination for it.

I consider this the point of no return simply because I can't make my own decisions for the life of me so up until high school, life was dandy because everything was on rails and now I don't know what to do. I'm so lazy and easily distracted and socially inept. I want to believe I can change but it's been years and I never matured past my adolescence.