Venting A Year

[venerated-vader]

I have known for a long time that I'm going to kill myself eventually. Which certainly sounds like a self-fulfilling prophecy, and a delusion grounded in the hysterical need to avoid the potential degradation of my quality of life that tends to accompany the aging process. The question remains as to when that time will come. Medical conditions are tricky because there always seems to be a kernel of hope somewhere that i can just, grit and bear it. I'm afraid that one day I will find myself ready to fucking die and yet be physically incapable of doing it. But then again, I'm afraid of a lot of things.

But I have a hard metric I hadn't really considered before: money. I'm going to be out of money in a year, at this rate. If I get to that point and there is no hope otherwise, I'm going to have no choice.

So. When the number hits zero or really fucking close to it, I'll know its time. I don't know if that means I should try to enjoy my time now, or try to work my ass off and push myself to the limit to explore every option before i give up entirely. I suppose I'll just take it day-by-day until I know its time.

 

[Tombadil]

I have known for a long time that I'm going to kill myself eventually. Which certainly sounds like a self-fulfilling prophecy, and a delusion grounded in the hysterical need to avoid the potential degradation of my quality of life that tends to accompany the aging process. The question remains as to when that time will come. Medical conditions are tricky because there always seems to be a kernel of hope somewhere that i can just, grit and bear it. I'm afraid that one day I will find myself ready to fucking die and yet be physically incapable of doing it. But then again, I'm afraid of a lot of things.

But I have a hard metric I hadn't really considered before: money. I'm going to be out of money in a year, at this rate. If I get to that point and there is no hope otherwise, I'm going to have no choice.

So. When the number hits zero or really fucking close to it, I'll know its time. I don't know if that means I should try to enjoy my time now, or try to work my ass off and push myself to the limit to explore every option before i give up entirely. I suppose I'll just take it day-by-day until I know its time.

Just came across this, just like my situation. I have resources for about a year. I take the peaceful route and see it as some kind of retirement.