Jisatsu
黒い薔薇(The Black Rose)
- Jan 5, 2025
- 2,012
I can't fucking do this anymore. Every goddamn second is like choking on a scream that never comes out. I'm so tired ... so fucking tired ... and the noise inside my head won't stop. It's yelling, screaming, tearing me apart, telling me to end it, just fucking end it all and be done.
Maybe tonight. Yeah, maybe tonight I finally stop pretending. I've thought about it a million times ...the easiest way, the quiet way, the way that just fucking shuts it all down. No more pain, no more waiting, no more feeling like this hollow shell everyone's too scared to hold.
Fuck it. I'm already a fucking mess nobody wants around. I know they all think I'm a burden ... maybe they're right. I'm poison. I can't keep dragging everyone through this hell with me. I'd rather disappear.
I don't want to scream anymore. I don't want to fake a smile or pretend that I'm okay. I'm falling apart, piece by fucking piece. The loneliness is suffocating. No one sees the real me, the shattered, broken mess behind the mask. No one even wants to try.
Maybe if I just let go. Maybe if I just fucking let go and the chaos takes me. The thought scares me but it also feels like relief... like maybe for once, the noise will finally shut the fuck up.
But what about the guilt? The shame? Fuck that too. I don't want to carry it anymore. I want the pain to stop screaming. I want to stop hurting.
I'm so fucking alone. I'm screaming and no one hears. No one fucking hears.
I hate this. I hate me. I hate that I'm still here.
Fuck.
Maybe tonight. Yeah, maybe tonight I finally stop pretending. I've thought about it a million times ...the easiest way, the quiet way, the way that just fucking shuts it all down. No more pain, no more waiting, no more feeling like this hollow shell everyone's too scared to hold.
Fuck it. I'm already a fucking mess nobody wants around. I know they all think I'm a burden ... maybe they're right. I'm poison. I can't keep dragging everyone through this hell with me. I'd rather disappear.
I don't want to scream anymore. I don't want to fake a smile or pretend that I'm okay. I'm falling apart, piece by fucking piece. The loneliness is suffocating. No one sees the real me, the shattered, broken mess behind the mask. No one even wants to try.
Maybe if I just let go. Maybe if I just fucking let go and the chaos takes me. The thought scares me but it also feels like relief... like maybe for once, the noise will finally shut the fuck up.
But what about the guilt? The shame? Fuck that too. I don't want to carry it anymore. I want the pain to stop screaming. I want to stop hurting.
I'm so fucking alone. I'm screaming and no one hears. No one fucking hears.
I hate this. I hate me. I hate that I'm still here.
Fuck.
