A ruined body for somebody who likes to live - That's a real torture. - Advice is wellcome.

[ihatemylife]

I've recently made a mistake health wise and now my body is ruined. It's been an year, a bad one. Long story short I've destroyed my digestive system and now I can't nourish my body properly, every meal is a torture, every day. I've lost tons of weight and everyone around me noticed.

It was just one bad decision, one bad move, and now I'm totally messed up. Thing is, I don't hate life, quite the opposite, I suffered enough but never had suicidal thoughts. The thought of ending my existance is dauting. I like(d) being alive. I loved my body. It was one mistake, damn it.

I don't know how to deal with this. This part year I lived how I could but 95% of it was totally fucking torture, except for some moments of joy. I'm having a really hard time accepting that I, myself, will have to die, I have family and friends who care about me. but I know my body doesn't offer the conditions to live a good life, not anymore.

Does anybody is experiencing something similar?

Does anybody lost their precious health by their own mistake?

What to do?
I'm in similar but slightly different situation. My body was destroyed by condition that is out of my control. I do understand how you feel though 100%. I always cherished my life and body and knew as long as I had health I could handle any other situation that came up. Never was or would be suicidal if not for this. Is there any hope for you? Is it something that can be reversed?

I.can't prove it but my decline started 1 day.after March.vax.against coronavirus. May.be coincidence but it started wirh fever, aches, and then vomiting, 5 kilo weight loss. Muscle wastage, neuropathy, pain and depression, nerve pain, Im 37 and was fit. Now i feel like an old man, like a sick dog. I think im dying but doctors are confounded. I can't cope with this, i cant sleep. This is not living.

I.can't prove it but my decline started 1 day.after March.vax.against coronavirus. May.be coincidence but it started wirh fever, aches, and then vomiting, 5 kilo weight loss. Muscle wastage, neuropathy, pain and depression, nerve pain, Im 37 and was fit. Now i feel like an old man, like a sick dog. I think im dying but doctors are confounded. I can't cope with this, i cant sleep. This is not living.

This is not a coincidence. There are so many others like you. Some people are being destroyed by the vaccine.

 

[ascetic_]

I think it's just grief for the health I used to have. When it it comes down to the bottom of it, I'll have to choose between living with a deteriorated health or die. Not an easy chooice eather way.

My intestines work fine, my problem is in the stomach.

I heard IBS can be managed with proper diet, right? Is that why you are here?

I guess it depends. I can't seem to find any diet that works for me, personally.

Doctors tend to label any digestive disorder as IBS that they generally can't otherwise discern.

 

[ihatemylife]

I was destroyed by it too. A crime.

Beyond a crime. It evil. People sufferings are just being brushed off as usual. A woman I work with husband has has double vision in his eye since the day after shot. His Dr even told him his nerve in his eye got effected by the vaccine. He has been wearing a patch ever since. I will not go near it and anyone who argues with me on that can go fuck themselves.

 

[Insomniac]

I confess: I never brushed my teeth. Growing up, my parents totally neglected that aspect of hygiene and never cared wether or not I brushed my teeth. Now, my teeth are ruined.

And it's hard to start brushing them as an adult because, well, idk. It's hard.

 

[Pfizerkilledme]

I.can't prove it but my decline started 1 day.after March.vax.against coronavirus. May.be coincidence but it started wirh fever, aches, and then vomiting, 5 kilo weight loss. Muscle wastage, neuropathy, pain and depression, nerve pain, Im 37 and was fit. Now i feel like an old man, like a sick dog. I think im dying but doctors are confounded. I can't cope with this, i cant sleep. This is not living.

I.can't prove it but my decline started 1 day.after March.vax.against coronavirus. May.be coincidence but it started wirh fever, aches, and then vomiting, 5 kilo weight loss. Muscle wastage, neuropathy, pain and depression, nerve pain, Im 37 and was fit. Now i feel like an old man, like a sick dog. I think im dying but doctors are confounded. I can't cope with this, i cant sleep. This is not living.

I'm also like you, endless symptoms, cannot even find peace in sleep because the dreams are vivid and full of nightmares, my hearing and vision is fucked and have tinnitus, I want to hang myself because SN is impossible to source.

 

[UseItOrLoseIt]

I'm sorry that happened to you, really, but at the time I'm beating you couldnt begin to imagine how that drug would fuck you up, right?

No way to describe it. My hormones went wild. My brain fog got intense. I wake up feeling like a truck went over me. And it's not getting better through the day. It gets worse. By the end of the day I get so exausted, drained, I can barely take it. And yet, I can't sleep. Never. Without benzos, I would be dead from insomnia. I mean it's extreme. No way to describe the feeling of never being able to naturally fall asleep. No afternoon naps, no deep sleep, no dreams even. Yep, I have no dreams since I took the drug. None. Never.
What it comes to, as a rather eloquent man affected by the same affliction said, is: "You have to reinvent yourself overnight. Everything about you is up in the air for change."
I'm not the same person as I one was.
No way to decribe it.

Same happened to me. At the time I just couldn't begin to imagine what it would be like to have my precious body ruined.

I'm sorry to hear that. How long has it been?

13 years seens like a long time. The passage of time did nothing to improve your condition?

Nope.

Did you got married?

I did. But as you can imagine, I couldn't hide my new self from my wife for very long. I was messed up, and it showed. First in little cracks, then it overtook me completely. She took it like a trooper for 5 years and then finally left me and continued on living.

 

[Smart No More]

No way to describe it. My hormones went wild. My brain fog got intense. I wake up feeling like a truck went over me. And it's not getting better through the day. It gets worse. By the end of the day I get so exausted, drained, I can barely take it. And yet, I can't sleep. Never. Without benzos, I would be dead from insomnia. I mean it's extreme. No way to describe the feeling of never being able to naturally fall asleep. No afternoon naps, no deep sleep, no dreams even. Yep, I have no dreams since I took the drug. None. Never.
What it comes to, as a rather eloquent man affected by the same affliction said, is: "You have to reinvent yourself overnight. Everything about you is up in the air for change."
I'm not the same person as I one was.
No way to decribe it.

That really resonates with me. I feel like my biochemical processes changed and my current self was cut off from my history and the connection between the two was severed irreparably. My thought process is now very slow and my sense of self is no longer present in the way it was. I am essentially brain damaged.
No rewarding sleep. No enjoyment in my creature comforts. Creative flare has been extinguished as a result and I am now just an ever decreasing echo of a person I was once so happy and proud to be. I wish I could hug you just for the selfish need to be understood by somebody rsther than patronised by healthcare 'professionals' that can't see past the surface and aren't inclined to step out of the one size fits all approach to treatment.

With regards to benzo's..... they will steal your sleep too. The sleep we get from them is artificial and they inhibit REM phase of sleep which is were we heal and dream. During that phase of sleep we're logging everything from thw previous day/s and making sense of it. When our cognition is impared that sleep is no longer going to function as it usually would and as we were used to. Therefore the lack of sleep. The benzo's on top are a really a bandage over an unstitched stab wound so eventually we 'bleed out' and things get worse. Not sure how long you've been using benzos and I don't want to tell you what to do as you know yourself better than I do. I will just offer the friendly advice to consider minimising your use of them as much as possible and look for alternatives. There are things. They're not as potent in many ways but they do help to an extent and its a case of weighing up the pros and cons I guess. Bearing olin mind that benzos also have big impact on memory and brain fog. For me I kind of cycle through a few different meds. Promethazine, valerian extract, benzos, red bush tea... Whatever I can work with. Its never perfect tbh but it at least mitigates the worst of the downfalls of the benzos. Tolerance build so fast with them. I find that the days after taking benzos I have nightmares with the return of some kind of dreams. I think its because of not having dreamt at all during using them and the brain is playing catch up. I also feel really exhausted and will have a short period of really heavy sleep followed by the return of intense distress and sadness as a rebound effect. It's harsh and I don't know what the solution is but those things I mention do help with sleep during those times without benzos and they aren't as detrimental to things. Opiates are the best but that's another shaky bridge.

Wishing you the best. Feeling your pain!

 

[Eternal Oblivion]

No way to describe it. My hormones went wild. My brain fog got intense. I wake up feeling like a truck went over me. And it's not getting better through the day. It gets worse. By the end of the day I get so exausted, drained, I can barely take it. And yet, I can't sleep. Never. Without benzos, I would be dead from insomnia. I mean it's extreme. No way to describe the feeling of never being able to naturally fall asleep. No afternoon naps, no deep sleep, no dreams even. Yep, I have no dreams since I took the drug. None. Never.
What it comes to, as a rather eloquent man affected by the same affliction said, is: "You have to reinvent yourself overnight. Everything about you is up in the air for change."
I'm not the same person as I one was.
No way to decribe it.

I'm sorry to hear that. How long has it been?

Nope.

I did. But as you can imagine, I couldn't hide my new self from my wife for very long. I was messed up, and it showed. First in little cracks, then it overtook me completely. She took it like a trooper for 5 years and then finally left me and continued on living.

That sounds horrible. I'm sorry to hear everything you've been through. I'm feeling suicidal for 11 months, ever since my problem started. Similar to you, I have a woman in my life who's about to end our relationship, mainly because I'm also not the same anymore. I don't blaim her. She deserves better, and I would have offer'd her better, just can't, anymore.

Your life sounds pretty nightmaresh, sorry to say that. May I ask how you feel about suicide? I mean, as I said, ever since my problem started I'm constantly thinking about ending my life, but I didn't because at this moment I'm still able to have good experiences. It's only been close to one year, I don't know if I'd be able to endure for so long, as you have done. I'm pretty sure I'll be ending things as soon as my gf is gone...

That really resonates with me. I feel like my biochemical processes changed and my current self was cut off from my history and the connection between the two was severed irreparably. My thought process is now very slow and my sense of self is no longer present in the way it was. I am essentially brain damaged.
No rewarding sleep. No enjoyment in my creature comforts. Creative flare has been extinguished as a result and I am now just an ever decreasing echo of a person I was once so happy and proud to be. I wish I could hug you just for the selfish need to be understood by somebody rsther than patronised by healthcare 'professionals' that can't see past the surface and aren't inclined to step out of the one size fits all approach to treatment.

With regards to benzo's..... they will steal your sleep too. The sleep we get from them is artificial and they inhibit REM phase of sleep which is were we heal and dream. During that phase of sleep we're logging everything from thw previous day/s and making sense of it. When our cognition is impared that sleep is no longer going to function as it usually would and as we were used to. Therefore the lack of sleep. The benzo's on top are a really a bandage over an unstitched stab wound so eventually we 'bleed out' and things get worse. Not sure how long you've been using benzos and I don't want to tell you what to do as you know yourself better than I do. I will just offer the friendly advice to consider minimising your use of them as much as possible and look for alternatives. There are things. They're not as potent in many ways but they do help to an extent and its a case of weighing up the pros and cons I guess. Bearing olin mind that benzos also have big impact on memory and brain fog. For me I kind of cycle through a few different meds. Promethazine, valerian extract, benzos, red bush tea... Whatever I can work with. Its never perfect tbh but it at least mitigates the worst of the downfalls of the benzos. Tolerance build so fast with them. I find that the days after taking benzos I have nightmares with the return of some kind of dreams. I think its because of not having dreamt at all during using them and the brain is playing catch up. I also feel really exhausted and will have a short period of really heavy sleep followed by the return of intense distress and sadness as a rebound effect. It's harsh and I don't know what the solution is but those things I mention do help with sleep during those times without benzos and they aren't as detrimental to things. Opiates are the best but that's another shaky bridge.

Wishing you the best. Feeling your pain!

I'm sorry to hear about your pain, really do. It's unfair the situation we are in.

May I ask you what I've asked @Useorloseit ? At this point, life being as bad as it is, what keeps your going?

 

[Smart No More]

I really wish I could say something positive here and offer a glimmer of hope. Honestly, I'm only still going for the sake of my loves ones. I need to be able to say I exhausted all my options from a medical stabdpoint and its important that I done leave them with long term issues so I'm avoiding ctb around christmas or birthdays. If I had hope for improvements that would be something that keeps me going but I don't. I always used to say and believe that as long as you have something to look forward to life is ok. Even if it's the small things like getting through a gruelling day and rewarding yourself with a good meal or some gaming time, socialising, entertainment, creativity etc Those things have been removed from my remit and I already died months ago. Ctb will just make it real fro everybody else. I will say, opiods make a portion of my day bearable. I guess that is my 'something to look forward to' now. Its a fleeting relief from the worst of my health issues.

 

[Annabella]

I am going through something similar but in my case it's a neurological issue. I literally feel sponge and wires in my brain and i can't feel anything anymore, no pleasure, nothing else except pain. It was caused by abuse in early childhood. Every walking moment is suffering and no one understands

....

 

[LoveTakesManyForms]

Yep. I didn't go to the dentist for a couple years at age 18. Figured my teeth would be OK as I was so young, brushed and flossed.
Next time I went to the dentist (age 21), he advises me that one of my molars has advanced decay requiring treatment. I was shocked.
Apparently my "crowded" teeth mean I need to go for dental cleaning every 4 months. I wish every day I'd known that.

Here's where I made the life-crippling mistake though: I opted for an extraction rather than a root canal, on the advice of my Mother (root canals are bad for you; just have the tooth out and get it replaced with an implant later on).

I developed strange pain in my shoulder after having the extraction and couldn't work out what it was. Took me years to diagnose the problem: TMJD.
Over that time it damaged the nerve in my armpit (weird huh) and now I'm living in relentless, stabbing, burning pain. I couldn't work, couldn't think. Every day was just pure hell.
The sleeplessness has finally driven me to a point where I'm breaking from reality: I'm starting to forget who I am, and am having waves of panic that are getting worse and worse. I am 30 years old.
I can't believe this is happening. Life is so damn fragile. My life was just beginning and now it's fucked.

I love you all and hope you can find a way through your respective situations.
As for me, I really wish I lived in a society that allowed euthanasia. I don't much relish the idea of going insane, and all I've got is a length of rope to prevent that from happening.
Seriously though, I feel like I'm getting dementia, it really is that bad.

I am going through something similar but in my case it's a neurological issue. I literally feel sponge and wires in my brain and i can't feel anything anymore, no pleasure, nothing else except pain. It was caused by abuse in early childhood. Every walking moment is suffering and no one understands

....

Have you ever tried Neuro Linguistic Programming?

I'm so sorry. Abuse can cause tremendous damage. Surely there must be a way for you to find peace and happiness. I hate the idea of your abuser(s) getting to ruin your life like that.

 

[Eternal Oblivion]

Yep. I didn't go to the dentist for a couple years at age 18. Figured my teeth would be OK as I was so young, brushed and flossed.
Next time I went to the dentist (age 21), he advises me that one of my molars has advanced decay requiring treatment. I was shocked.
Apparently my "crowded" teeth mean I need to go for dental cleaning every 4 months. I wish every day I'd known that.

Here's where I made the life-crippling mistake though: I opted for an extraction rather than a root canal, on the advice of my Mother (root canals are bad for you; just have the tooth out and get it replaced with an implant later on).

I developed strange pain in my shoulder after having the extraction and couldn't work out what it was. Took me years to diagnose the problem: TMJD.
Over that time it damaged the nerve in my armpit (weird huh) and now I'm living in relentless, stabbing, burning pain. I couldn't work, couldn't think. Every day was just pure hell.
The sleeplessness has finally driven me to a point where I'm breaking from reality: I'm starting to forget who I am, and am having waves of panic that are getting worse and worse. I am 30 years old.
I can't believe this is happening. Life is so damn fragile. My life was just beginning and now it's fucked.

I love you all and hope you can find a way through your respective situations.
As for me, I really wish I lived in a society that allowed euthanasia. I don't much relish the idea of going insane, and all I've got is a length of rope to prevent that from happening.
Seriously though, I feel like I'm getting dementia, it really is that bad.

Have you ever tried Neuro Linguistic Programming?

I'm so sorry. Abuse can cause tremendous damage. Surely there must be a way for you to find peace and happiness. I hate the idea of your abuser(s) getting to ruin your life like that.

That's a hell of a history. We are the same age by the way, so I can understand you completely when you say your life was just beggining and now it's fucked, because it's exacly what I feel.
Seriously tho, your case wasn't even a mistake... you just choose between two valid options, and did that by taking advice from a elder person that you could rely. That was just pure bad luck.

 

[LoveTakesManyForms]

Beyond a crime. It evil. People sufferings are just being brushed off as usual. A woman I work with husband has has double vision in his eye since the day after shot. His Dr even told him his nerve in his eye got effected by the vaccine. He has been wearing a patch ever since. I will not go near it and anyone who argues with me on that can go fuck themselves.

Further anyone who tries to tell you where you can go and what you can do is a fucking Nazi that can goose step right up their own asshole.
And anyone that tells you you must put some substance inside your body for their own safety is a fearful, ignorant fool who has no respect for bodily autonomy.

However I've met dozens of people who have lost their jobs and businesses- one gentleman told me he lost 70K that he invested in his business. He was my Uber driver, explaining why he was driving Uber instead of running his business.
My own brother lost a 100K per year job that he worked his ass off to secure. We come from a poor family, he worked his ass off to make a better future for himself, and he gets to lose it thanks to the decree of some politicians- the very same politicians whom are exempt from vaccine mandates, and don't have to fear for losing their jobs thanks to lockdown measures.
There is so much that doesn't add up in this coronavirus nonsense that I'm smelling a rat from a mile away, and so are many others.

I only know one person who got Coronavirus- they had mild flu like symptoms for approximately a week. She was 25, fit and healthy.
Also one of my friends, a 19 year old, healthy, extremely fit bodybuilder who eats well and takes care of himself, was telling me that he's been having chest pain since his first dose of the coronavirus vaccine. He told me he's concerned as he's never had chest pain in his life. Coincidence? I think not.
Many prominent scientists and professionals have come forward with their concerns about the vaccine (although they are being silenced left right and centre for "misinformation"), and there has been a global spike in deaths amongst the fit and healthy.
With this in mind, intimidating and removing peoples supposedly inalienable rights to bodily autonomy and freedom of movement and expression goes beyond unacceptable and firmly into utterly totalitarian and unjust.
The human rights commission called lockdown measures an "egregious breach of human rights" because it is.
People need to be wary of becoming accustomed to this shit just because it's being pushed by major media outlets and the "right" people.
Lets not forget that the "right" people wrote the War Guilt Clause in the treaty of Versailles demanding that Germany pay all damages from WW1, which enraged the German people and helped stoke the fire leading to WW2. Food for thought.
Where oh where does all this trust for the government come from!?

Sorry, I didn't mean to detract from the original post. But as this post is about ruined health, I figured weighing in in the hopes of others avoiding ruining theirs would be respectful to the OP's suffering and relevant.

That's a hell of a history. We are the same age by the way, so I can understand you completely when you say your life was just beggining and now it's fucked, because it's exacly what I feel.
Seriously tho, your case wasn't even a mistake... you just choose between two valid options, and did that by taking advice from a elder person that you could rely. That was just pure bad luck.

Yeah I guess so. But I should have taken more time to weigh the options and considered my personal idiosyncracies, rather than simply trusting my Mother; I'd had a pronounced "click" sound when I chewed hard/chewy foods since I was a child, indicating a slight tracking problem with my jaw. That should have been in my medical file, and they could easily have advised against extraction with this in mind, knowing that losing a molar would like lead to TMJD in my case. It's not terribly normal to have this loud clicking sound, so if I'd have thought about it long and hard I might have realised to enquire further about it.
Moral of the story: for any procedure, be it dental or medical, do your research as thoroughly as possible!
In fact, an even better moral to go by is to go to the dentist at least twice a year (and have your yearly Doc's checkup); I should never have had a molar so rotten that it needed extraction/root canal at age 21!
We were just so poor growing up that things like that always went by the wayside- I was never taught to do that, and I figured that brushing/flossing was enough, not realising that some plaque must be professionally cleaned off.
I remember my Mother even saying that going to have your teeth polished/scaled twice a year was a "waste of money"... wonder if she still thinks that now that my life is ruined!

I guess I have had some pretty poor luck here and there... I had some asshole punt my knee cap out of its socket trying to "trip me over" from behind at age 15, an event which set me up for future dislocation of the same knee. Great...
Then again I'd had barely any illness before then (other than early childhood asthma which cleared up with time) so I guess I was lucky to have 15-odd healthy, happy years. Could have been born with some horrible disease like Cystic Fibrosis or something...

I looked through the comment section and couldn't find any mention of the mistake you made; care to share it?
No judgements here, everyone makes mistakes, it's just that some get punished more than other for them!
It's unlikely you'll get anything but sympathy from me, all things considered!

 

[LoveTakesManyForms]

Further anyone who tries to tell you where you can go and what you can do is a fucking Nazi that can goose step right up their own asshole.
And anyone that tells you you must put some substance inside your body for their own safety is a fearful, ignorant fool who has no respect for bodily autonomy.

However I've met dozens of people who have lost their jobs and businesses- one gentleman told me he lost 70K that he invested in his business. He was my Uber driver, explaining why he was driving Uber instead of running his business.
My own brother lost a 100K per year job that he worked his ass off to secure. We come from a poor family, he worked his ass off to make a better future for himself, and he gets to lose it thanks to the decree of some politicians- the very same politicians whom are exempt from vaccine mandates, and don't have to fear for losing their jobs thanks to lockdown measures.
There is so much that doesn't add up in this coronavirus nonsense that I'm smelling a rat from a mile away, and so are many others.

I only know one person who got Coronavirus- they had mild flu like symptoms for approximately a week. She was 25, fit and healthy.
Also one of my friends, a 19 year old, healthy, extremely fit bodybuilder who eats well and takes care of himself, was telling me that he's been having chest pain since his first dose of the coronavirus vaccine. He told me he's concerned as he's never had chest pain in his life. Coincidence? I think not.
Many prominent scientists and professionals have come forward with their concerns about the vaccine (although they are being silenced left right and centre for "misinformation"), and there has been a global spike in deaths amongst the fit and healthy.
With this in mind, intimidating and removing peoples supposedly inalienable rights to bodily autonomy and freedom of movement and expression goes beyond unacceptable and firmly into utterly totalitarian and unjust.
The human rights commission called lockdown measures an "egregious breach of human rights" because it is.
People need to be wary of becoming accustomed to this shit just because it's being pushed by major media outlets and the "right" people.
Lets not forget that the "right" people wrote the War Guilt Clause in the treaty of Versailles demanding that Germany pay all damages from WW1, which enraged the German people and helped stoke the fire leading to WW2. Food for thought.
Where oh where does all this trust for the government come from!?

Sorry, I didn't mean to detract from the original post. But as this post is about ruined health, I figured weighing in in the hopes of others avoiding ruining theirs would be respectful to the OP's suffering and relevant.

Yeah I guess so. But I should have taken more time to weigh the options and considered my personal idiosyncracies, rather than simply trusting my Mother; I'd had a pronounced "click" sound when I chewed hard/chewy foods since I was a child, indicating a slight tracking problem with my jaw. That should have been in my medical file, and they could easily have advised against extraction with this in mind, knowing that losing a molar would like lead to TMJD in my case. It's not terribly normal to have this loud clicking sound, so if I'd have thought about it long and hard I might have realised to enquire further about it.
Moral of the story: for any procedure, be it dental or medical, do your research as thoroughly as possible!
In fact, an even better moral to go by is to go to the dentist at least twice a year (and have your yearly Doc's checkup); I should never have had a molar so rotten that it needed extraction/root canal at age 21!
We were just so poor growing up that things like that always went by the wayside- I was never taught to do that, and I figured that brushing/flossing was enough, not realising that some plaque must be professionally cleaned off.
I remember my Mother even saying that- after the fact- going to have your teeth polished/scaled twice a year was a "waste of money". I'm not sure how she drew that conclusion considering my brother and I had to have serious dental work in our early 20's!

I guess I have had some pretty poor luck here and there... I had some asshole punt my knee cap out of its socket trying to "trip me over" from behind at age 15, an event which set me up for future dislocation of the same knee. Great...
Then again I'd had barely any illness before then (other than early childhood asthma which cleared up with time) so I guess I was lucky to have 15-odd healthy, happy years. Could have been born with some horrible disease like Cystic Fibrosis or something...

I looked through the comment section and couldn't find any mention of the mistake you made; care to share it?
No judgements here, everyone makes mistakes, it's just that some get punished more than other for them!
It's unlikely you'll get anything but sympathy from me, all things considered!