A ruined body for somebody who likes to live - That's a real torture. - Advice is wellcome.

[Eternal Oblivion]

I've recently made a mistake health wise and now my body is ruined. It's been an year, a bad one. Long story short I've destroyed my digestive system and now I can't nourish my body properly, every meal is a torture, every day. I've lost tons of weight and everyone around me noticed.

It was just one bad decision, one bad move, and now I'm totally messed up. Thing is, I don't hate life, quite the opposite, I suffered enough but never had suicidal thoughts. The thought of ending my existance is dauting. I like(d) being alive. I loved my body. It was one mistake, damn it.

I don't know how to deal with this. This part year I lived how I could but 95% of it was totally fucking torture, except for some moments of joy. I'm having a really hard time accepting that I, myself, will have to die, I have family and friends who care about me. but I know my body doesn't offer the conditions to live a good life, not anymore.

Does anybody is experiencing something similar?

Does anybody lost their precious health by their own mistake?

What to do?

 

[Fadeawaaaay]

I'm very sorry to hear this. I hope that you will find someway through this profound challenge.

 

[ddd1234]

Yep,, not only health, but also looks, gorgeous girlfriend, well paid job and respect of the family. It was because one stupid mistake which is so embarrassing that I will not even mention. That's pure hell, constant regret kills me.

 

[Eternal Oblivion]

Yep,, not only health, but also looks, gorgeous girlfriend, well paid job and respect of the family. It was because one stupid mistake which is so embarrassing that I will not even mention. That's pure hell, constant regret kills me.

Sorry to hear that, man. It's very similar to my own position. I often spend hours looking at photos of me prior to this problem. If only I knew what was to come.... If at any point you feel ready to share I'm here, at least for now.

 

[Bleak]

Yes I am going through something similar. Makes eating very uncomfortable, affects my looks and generally just worsens my quality of life by a lot. Sorry that you are in this situation.

 

[Smart No More]

I am completely in the same boat but not only my digestive system but my peripheral and sympathetic nervous system is damaged too and its impacted my memory and cognition. It's confused my rest and digest function and now I can't sleep or eat properly and things that I once loved aren't enjoyable at all. It's as though I killed a part of myself off and now I'm just surviving to suffer and I'm just a placeholder of the person I was.

Before this I was so happy and had so much potential. I kind of feel like superman after he lost his powers.

 

[ddd1234]

Too embarrassing. Now I want to kill myself badly

I am completely in the same boat but not only my digestive system but my peripheral and sympathetic nervous system is damaged too and its impacted my memory and cognition. It's confused my rest and digest function and now I can't sleep or eat properly and things that I once loved aren't enjoyable at all. It's as though I killed a part of myself off and now I'm just surviving to suffer and I'm just a placeholder of the person I was.

Before this I was so happy and had so much potential. I kind of feel like superman after he lost his powers.

Exactly the same with me.

 

[Eternal Oblivion]

I am completely in the same boat but not only my digestive system but my peripheral and sympathetic nervous system is damaged too and its impacted my memory and cognition. It's confused my rest and digest function and now I can't sleep or eat properly and things that I once loved aren't enjoyable at all. It's as though I killed a part of myself off and now I'm just surviving to suffer and I'm just a placeholder of the person I was.

Before this I was so happy and had so much potential. I kind of feel like superman after he lost his powers.

I can relate with you saying "now I'm just surviving to suffer and I'm just a placeholder of the person I was."
That's word for word exacly how I feel.

May I wask what hapenned to you?

 

[Rational man]

Same here. I was.fit.and healthy and now,ive developed an.autoimmune disease that effects digestive,.nerves,.everything. I ve lost weight and.often can only have soup.becuase of pain.in.eating. doctors have no cure now. Its like a meltdown of my physical body and i don't identify myself with my body anymore.

 

[ddd1234]

Same here. I was.fit.and healthy and now,ive developed an.autoimmune disease that effects digestive,.nerves,.everything. I ve lost weight and.often can only have soup.becuase of pain.in.eating. doctors have no cure now. Its like a meltdown of my physical body and i don't identify myself with my body anymore.

Jesus Christ that sounds awful. I am mentally sick for just 2 months (but very deep depression+angriness and unbearable anxiety, rumination and regrets), and I cannon't recognize myself in the mirror. Lost so much of my hair, my eyes are swollen, I have weird veins on my face, and I gain weight so much (always was super thin). That's so sad, I was always handsome and now I am ugly.

 

[FuneralCry]

It is horrible being trapped in this human body as it can torture us and there is no limit as to how much we can suffer. Being alive really is a nightmare. Nobody should have to go through that. One of the worst things is that the society takes away the peaceful methods and the option of euthanasia, meaning that people are expected to suffer for decades. It is always sad when someone wants to live but they are unable to, life is very cruel. I wish you the best, I hope you find peace.

 

[Fadeawaaaay]

I can relate with you saying "now I'm just surviving to suffer and I'm just a placeholder of the person I was."
That's word for word exacly how I feel.

May I wask what hapenned to you?

The placeholder of who I once was… That's brilliant

 

[Smart No More]

I can relate with you saying "now I'm just surviving to suffer and I'm just a placeholder of the person I was."
That's word for word exacly how I feel.

May I wask what hapenned to you?

I think it was accidental poisoning. Organo phosphate. I'm pretty certain but only realised in hindsight after being intensely ill for 6 or 7 months. I wish it had killed me tbh. Now I have to get Doctors to take me seriously but thsy just treat me as though I have a mental health problem. I guess it's a bit unusual but it's not out of the realms of possibility. I'm sure it'll have happened before. In fact I know it has because I researched it and found exactly the same symptoms were recorded. So yeah, pretty grim to say the least. I don't think I'll ever be me again now so there is little reason to live as life isn't life any longer. I'm just holding out for my brother and my cat. Once I can adequately mitigate the impact on them I will ctb. I was thinking my birthday would be a good day to do it. That way my loved ones can celebrate me on my birthday whilst mourning me. It adds a kind of positive to the whole thing. I hope.

What happened with yourself?

 

[Rational man]

It is horrible being trapped in this human body as it can torture us and there is no limit as to how much we can suffer. Being alive really is a nightmare. Nobody should have to go through that. One of the worst things is that the society takes away the peaceful methods and the option of euthanasia, meaning that people are expected to suffer for decades. It is always sad when someone wants to live but they are unable to, life is very cruel. I wish you the best, I hope you find peace.

I.can't prove it but my decline started 1 day.after March.vax.against coronavirus. May.be coincidence but it started wirh fever, aches, and then vomiting, 5 kilo weight loss. Muscle wastage, neuropathy, pain and depression, nerve pain, Im 37 and was fit. Now i feel like an old man, like a sick dog. I think im dying but doctors are confounded. I can't cope with this, i cant sleep. This is not living.

Jesus Christ that sounds awful. I am mentally sick for just 2 months (but very deep depression+angriness and unbearable anxiety, rumination and regrets), and I cannon't recognize myself in the mirror. Lost so much of my hair, my eyes are swollen, I have weird veins on my face, and I gain weight so much (always was super thin). That's so sad, I was always handsome and now I am ugly.

I.can't prove it but my decline started 1 day.after March.vax.against coronavirus. May.be coincidence but it started wirh fever, aches, and then vomiting, 5 kilo weight loss. Muscle wastage, neuropathy, pain and depression, nerve pain, Im 37 and was fit. Now i feel like an old man, like a sick dog. I think im dying but doctors are confounded. I can't cope with this, i cant sleep. This is not living.

 

[Smart No More]

I.can't prove it but my decline started 1 day.after March.vax.against coronavirus. May.be coincidence but it started wirh fever, aches, and then vomiting, 5 kilo weight loss. Muscle wastage, neuropathy, pain and depression, nerve pain, Im 37 and was fit. Now i feel like an old man, like a sick dog. I think im dying but doctors are confounded. I can't cope with this, i cant sleep. This is not living.

I.can't prove it but my decline started 1 day.after March.vax.against coronavirus. May.be coincidence but it started wirh fever, aches, and then vomiting, 5 kilo weight loss. Muscle wastage, neuropathy, pain and depression, nerve pain, Im 37 and was fit. Now i feel like an old man, like a sick dog. I think im dying but doctors are confounded. I can't cope with this, i cant sleep. This is not living.

You know you're not alone in this. There are others that have had the same thing. Look up dr John Campbell on youtube. He's very credible and has interviewed people who have experienced very similar things as you describe. There's another british guy who covers long covid and covid related stuff. His chanel was called rundmc because he originally posted stuff about his film making and it contained a lot of car stuff including his DMC delorian. I think he's changed the channel name now but you should find him if you search run dmc. Obviously you'll have to avoid the rap group of the same name lol. He has done some pioneering research and has interviewed many respectable medical professionals and has found a 'stack' of med available otc/online that have helped and cured many peoples long covid. It might be really helpful to you.

Interestingly, I was suffering through a bout of long covid when I got sick to the extent I am now. It really took a turn for the worst though so I'm pretty certain I did suffer accidental poisoning as it all adds up but it's not impossible that I could be wrong. I can definitely say I suffered some neurologic symptoms during covid and that I lost a ton of weight. I lost a stone a month for 4 months. It really messed me up but I'd had it once before and mostly got over it. It did leave me a bit easily fatigued for a long time and then eventually I caught it again 4 months later. I was so careful too. I was doing ahopping for the neighbours that were isolating and I must have got caught out unfortunately.

 

[PeacefulTonic]

Yep. I kept making a series of poor life decisions. Then the last one caught up to me, and life made a complete 180. People would have probably considered me a "normie"

I don't want to die either, but I probably have to, to end the suffering. I'm sorry you're going through something similar. Like my friend says, one minute you can be on top of the world, the next minute you can hit rock bottom.

 

[Disco Biscuit]

I.can't prove it but my decline started 1 day.after March.vax.against coronavirus. May.be coincidence but it started wirh fever, aches, and then vomiting, 5 kilo weight loss. Muscle wastage, neuropathy, pain and depression, nerve pain, Im 37 and was fit. Now i feel like an old man, like a sick dog. I think im dying but doctors are confounded. I can't cope with this, i cant sleep. This is not living.

I.can't prove it but my decline started 1 day.after March.vax.against coronavirus. May.be coincidence but it started wirh fever, aches, and then vomiting, 5 kilo weight loss. Muscle wastage, neuropathy, pain and depression, nerve pain, Im 37 and was fit. Now i feel like an old man, like a sick dog. I think im dying but doctors are confounded. I can't cope with this, i cant sleep. This is not living.

This is terrible. Which vaccine did you have, just out of interest?

 

[Rational man]

You know you're not alone in this. There are others that have had the same thing. Look up dr John Campbell on youtube. He's very credible and has interviewed people who have experienced very similar things as you describe. There's another british guy who covers long covid and covid related stuff. His chanel was called rundmc because he originally posted stuff about his film making and it contained a lot of car stuff including his DMC delorian. I think he's changed the channel name now but you should find him if you search run dmc. Obviously you'll have to avoid the rap group of the same name lol. He has done some pioneering research and has interviewed many respectable medical professionals and has found a 'stack' of med available otc/online that have helped and cured many peoples long covid. It might be really helpful to you.

Interestingly, I was suffering through a bout of long covid when I got sick to the extent I am now. It really took a turn for the worst though so I'm pretty certain I did suffer accidental poisoning as it all adds up but it's not impossible that I could be wrong. I can definitely say I suffered some neurologic symptoms during covid and that I lost a ton of weight. I lost a stone a month for 4 months. It really messed me up but I'd had it once before and mostly got over it. It did leave me a bit easily fatigued for a long time and then eventually I caught it again 4 months later. I was so careful too. I was doing ahopping for the neighbours that were isolating and I must have got caught out unfortunately.

THANKS. Yes, im familiar withn John Campbell. He predicted the pandemic course in January 2020. Sorry about your situ. I t can make life difficult.

vaccine

Astrazenica

 

[UseItOrLoseIt]

I delibaratrly (although not on purpose) destroyed my body with finasteride, a drug for hair loss. It made me nearly impotent, messed up my hormonal profile pretty fucking bad, I can't sleep because of it (not the kind of insomnia where you count sheep and evenually fall asleep - there is NO sleep, without benzos I would go crazy in a week) and I'm positive my BPD diagnosis is a misdiagnosis and a byproduct of all these imbalances. Since I've taken the pills (13 years ago) I feel like my body is being assaulted by internal systemic disfunctions all of the time. Homeostatis sounds like sci-fi by this point.
A drug ruined my life and still can't wrap my head around it. I view this event as aturning point, the biggest mistake and the biggest regret in my life. Has it not been for that I believe I would have had a happy life (I took the damn pills 7 months before my wedding when everything was going perfecty, so there's that argument).

 

[PeacefulTonic]

I.can't prove it but my decline started 1 day.after March.vax.against coronavirus. May.be coincidence but it started wirh fever, aches, and then vomiting, 5 kilo weight loss. Muscle wastage, neuropathy, pain and depression, nerve pain, Im 37 and was fit. Now i feel like an old man, like a sick dog. I think im dying but doctors are confounded. I can't cope with this, i cant sleep. This is not living.

I.can't prove it but my decline started 1 day.after March.vax.against coronavirus. May.be coincidence but it started wirh fever, aches, and then vomiting, 5 kilo weight loss. Muscle wastage, neuropathy, pain and depression, nerve pain, Im 37 and was fit. Now i feel like an old man, like a sick dog. I think im dying but doctors are confounded. I can't cope with this, i cant sleep. This is not living.

I believe you. Because I know how dangerous these injections are. Ask your doctor to prescribe you Ivermectin. It's the cure for Covid. Studies have shown the spike protein is what causes the vast majority of the damage. These "vaccines" you get injected with tells your cells to create these spike proteins. It doesn't only stay at the injection site as advertised. Which is why there are millions of people who are experiencing these adverse effects. Doctors and nurses speaking out against this are getting deplatformed and silenced. Ivermectin should in theory help. It's an anti parasitic drug that has won the Nobel prize and has over 40 years of safety data. You have nothing to lose, try it

Ivermectin, zinc, vitamin D. Please try this

 

[Eternal Oblivion]

I think it was accidental poisoning. Organo phosphate. I'm pretty certain but only realised in hindsight after being intensely ill for 6 or 7 months. I wish it had killed me tbh. Now I have to get Doctors to take me seriously but thsy just treat me as though I have a mental health problem. I guess it's a bit unusual but it's not out of the realms of possibility. I'm sure it'll have happened before. In fact I know it has because I researched it and found exactly the same symptoms were recorded. So yeah, pretty grim to say the least. I don't think I'll ever be me again now so there is little reason to live as life isn't life any longer. I'm just holding out for my brother and my cat. Once I can adequately mitigate the impact on them I will ctb. I was thinking my birthday would be a good day to do it. That way my loved ones can celebrate me on my birthday whilst mourning me. It adds a kind of positive to the whole thing. I hope.

What happened with yourself?

I was a skinny guy but in perfect health conditions. I disliked being skinny so I thought it was a good idea to join a gym and started to work out like crazy, unsupervised. Started to binge eat because I thought it would be a good idea to gain muscle. After a while doing that I fucked my digestive system. That was just me you know, reckless because I thought at the time that nothing bad would come of it.
This was just a little while ago so I remember exacly what it was like to have full health.
Also, I have two greandmothers alive, 92 and 85, and my family is very genetic blessed. Noone has any desieses whatsoever. So you see, I first hand fucked my future, and done it by my own hands. It's so damn sad because I was finaly becaming mature and changing a loot of bad behaviors. I was set to have a good thing going.

So you see the irony, now and much skinnier them I was when all of this shit started. LIFE!

 

[Smart No More]

I was a skinny guy but in perfect health conditions. I disliked being skinny so I thought it was a good idea to join a gym and started to work out like crazy, unsupervised. Started to binge eat because I thought it would be a good idea to gain muscle. After a while doing that I fucked my digestive system. That was just me you know, reckless because I thought at the time that nothing bad would come of it.
This was just a little while ago so I remember exacly what it was like to have full health.
Also, I have two greandmothers alive, 92 and 85, and my family is very genetic blessed. Noone has any desieses whatsoever. So you see, I first hand fucked my future, and done it by my own hands. It's so damn sad because I was finaly becaming mature and changing a loot of bad behaviors. I was set to have a good thing going.

So you see the irony, now and much skinnier them I was when all of this shit started. LIFE!

Ah man, that sucks but I have to say, I think your chances of being able to turn it around are pretty good. Look at all the people that are massively obese and over eat like crazy. I bet you can get your digestive issues fixed. You sound like a proactive kind od guy so I'm sure you could do it with determination. Obviously I can't say I know the details of exactly how it's impacted your digestive system but it's a pretty resilient system and can withstand and heal from quite a bit. There are various things you can look into. I'm guessing you already saw a gastroenterologist?

 

[Eternal Oblivion]

I delibaratrly (although not on purpose) destroyed my body with finasteride, a drug for hair loss. It made me nearly impotent, messed up my hormonal profile pretty fucking bad, I can't sleep because of it (not the kind of insomnia where you count sheep and evenually fall asleep - there is NO sleep, without benzos I would go crazy in a week) and I'm positive my BPD diagnosis is a misdiagnosis and a byproduct of all these imbalances. Since I've taken the pills (13 years ago) I feel like my body is being assaulted by internal systemic disfunctions all of the time. Homeostatis sounds like sci-fi by this point.
A drug ruined my life and still can't wrap my head around it. I view this event as aturning point, the biggest mistake and the biggest regret in my life. Has it not been for that I believe I would have had a happy life (I took the damn pills 7 months before my wedding when everything was going perfecty, so there's that argument).

Some years ago I had this really good friend and he started to take Finasteride because he was slowly becoming bald. Upon reading about it, I told him to stop because it seemed dangerous, and so he did.

I'm sorry that happened to you, really, but at the time I'm beating you couldnt begin to imagine how that drug would fuck you up, right? Same happened to me. At the time I just couldn't begin to imagine what it would be like to have my precious body ruined.

13 years seens like a long time. The passage of time did nothing to improve your condition?
Did you got married?

 

[...]

Used to be really into bodybuilding. Breakup caused me to lose my appetite and motivation and i've lost a massive amount of muscle and years of work. confidence is shot to pieces.

 

[kingkong57]

I've recently made a mistake health wise and now my body is ruined. It's been an year, a bad one. Long story short I've destroyed my digestive system and now I can't nourish my body properly, every meal is a torture, every day. I've lost tons of weight and everyone around me noticed.

It was just one bad decision, one bad move, and now I'm totally messed up. Thing is, I don't hate life, quite the opposite, I suffered enough but never had suicidal thoughts. The thought of ending my existance is dauting. I like(d) being alive. I loved my body. It was one mistake, damn it.

I don't know how to deal with this. This part year I lived how I could but 95% of it was totally fucking torture, except for some moments of joy. I'm having a really hard time accepting that I, myself, will have to die, I have family and friends who care about me. but I know my body doesn't offer the conditions to live a good life, not anymore.

Does anybody is experiencing something similar?

Does anybody lost their precious health by their own mistake?

What to do?t

I've recently made a mistake health wise and now my body is ruined. It's been an year, a bad one. Long story short I've destroyed my digestive system and now I can't nourish my body properly, every meal is a torture, every day. I've lost tons of weight and everyone around me noticed.

It was just one bad decision, one bad move, and now I'm totally messed up. Thing is, I don't hate life, quite the opposite, I suffered enough but never had suicidal thoughts. The thought of ending my existance is dauting. I like(d) being alive. I loved my body. It was one mistake, damn it.

I don't know how to deal with this. This part year I lived how I could but 95% of it was totally fucking torture, except for some moments of joy. I'm having a really hard time accepting that I, myself, will have to die, I have family and friends who care about me. but I know my body doesn't offer the conditions to live a good life, not anymore.

Does anybody is experiencing something similar?

Does anybody lost their precious health by their own mistake?

What to do?

Time erases us all. Sure your family will feel immense pain but life is suffering. That's all it is. Moments of joy here and there. But 100 years from now, maybe less, we'll be erased from history. Think of the 100+ billion humans that have roamed the Earth. How many do we remember? Hitler? Einstein? Thomas Edison? They'll be recorded in history books but for the majority… what are we here for

 

[Eternal Oblivion]

Ah man, that sucks but I have to say, I think your chances of being able to turn it around are pretty good. Look at all the people that are massively obese and over eat like crazy. I bet you can get your digestive issues fixed. You sound like a proactive kind od guy so I'm sure you could do it with determination. Obviously I can't say I know the details of exactly how it's impacted your digestive system but it's a pretty resilient system and can withstand and heal from quite a bit. There are various things you can look into. I'm guessing you already saw a gastroenterologist?

As much as I would like things to improve, I don't belive they will.

I had a fine digestive system before that. After all was done I developed a hiatus hearnia and began to reflux like crazy, and because of it I started taking PPI's. Some months of PPI's and out of the blue, my stomach wasn't the same. It weakened. It started to work really, really slow. Reaching my daily calories became hard. Staying hidrated became hard.
Yes, a loot of testing was done and my endoscopy showed a loot of bile in my stomach, that was re-flowing from the duodenum. I don't know how that shit came to be, but it's all messed up now.

Time erases us all. Sure your family will feel immense pain but life is suffering. That's all it is. Moments of joy here and there. But 100 years from now, maybe less, we'll be erased from history. Think of the 100+ billion humans that have roamed the Earth. How many do we remember? Hitler? Einstein? Thomas Edison? They'll be recorded in history books but for the majority… what are we here for

I agree with everything you said, but unfortunally that changes nothing about how I feel. Our life counts, at least to ourselfs.

 

[ascetic_]

May I ask? Are you suffering from IBS?

Probably TMI, but I have IBS-C, and flare-ups can indeed be tortuous, though not nearly as bad as what you're going through.

 

[kingkong57]

As much as I would like things to improve, I don't belive they will.

I had a fine digestive system before that. After all was done I developed a hiatus hearnia and began to reflux like crazy, and because of it I started taking PPI's. Some months of PPI's and out of the blue, my stomach wasn't the same. It weakened. It started to work really, really slow. Reaching my daily calories became hard. Staying hidrated became hard.
Yes, a loot of testing was done and my endoscopy showed a loot of bile in my stomach, that was re-flowing from the duodenum. I don't know how that shit came to be, but it's all messed up now.

I agree with everything you said, but unfortunally that changes nothing about how I feel. Our life counts, at least to ourselfs.

I appreciate your perspective, my life doesn't count in my eyes but you seem to have some glimmer of hope in your reply. Are your sure you want to CTB?

 

[Eternal Oblivion]

I appreciate your perspective, my life doesn't count in my eyes but you seem to have some glimmer of hope in your reply. Are your sure you want to CTB?

I think it's just grief for the health I used to have. When it it comes down to the bottom of it, I'll have to choose between living with a deteriorated health or die. Not an easy chooice eather way.

May I ask? Are you suffering from IBS?

Probably TMI, but I have IBS-C, and flare-ups can indeed be tortuous, though not nearly as bad as what you're going through.

My intestines work fine, my problem is in the stomach.

I heard IBS can be managed with proper diet, right? Is that why you are here?

 

[sanguineblade]

Yep... just 1 second , just 1 mistake and i was left with many serious health problems and disabilities. Real nightmare that I endured for many years... no reason though, i gained nothing pushing myself to live a nightmare from the moment i lost my health