A quick story of my latest self sabotage :)

[ScaredToLive]

Had a good job that I liked. Bought coke, did coke the night before work at 6:30 am. Took sleeping pills, got up went to work, freaked out and had a panic attack at work, went home, slept. Missed various calls from work saying they would call the police as they were worried.

Then quit job because I was too embarrassed to go back in. Now I hate myself, I am significantly fucked financially, and legit miss a really good job that I had that was actually full of nice people.

Perfect self sabotage. Classic. Fuck this shit life and my stupid decisions

 

[meetapple]

Well, you were good enough to get the job. That's something. Has this been a pattern with all of your jobs?

You might use this time off to get clean.

 

[ScaredToLive]

Well, you were good enough to get the job. That's something. Has this been a pattern with all of your jobs?

You might use this time off to get clean.

Thanks I just feel I messed up a very special job and there is no way back.

Not with jobs no, I've usually been fine even though I hate them, I have not worked for a long time though before this. After I had a breakdown like ten years ago all I wanted to do was die basically so sabotage anything good pretty much

 

[Beeper]

Had a good job that I liked. Bought coke, did coke the night before work at 6:30 am. Took sleeping pills, got up went to work, freaked out and had a panic attack at work, went home, slept. Missed various calls from work saying they would call the police as they were worried.

Then quit job because I was too embarrassed to go back in. Now I hate myself, I am significantly fucked financially, and legit miss a really good job that I had that was actually full of nice people.

Perfect self sabotage. Classic. Fuck this shit life and my stupid decisions

I can relate. I have screwed up a few good jobs due to bad decisions. Currently unemployed and I wonder if I'll be able to rebuild my life.

What I realized (after much pain, embarrassment and destruction) is that I don't have good coping skills. I tended to drink or use drugs as a means to cope with stress. Eventually the dam would break and I would end up having a mental health crisis. Not implying the same situation for you, just venting about my ordeal.

Best wishes moving forward from here.

 

[seaweaves]

I'm sorry things feel hard right now. I can't relate with this particular situation, but I know that I have regularly cut ties as a way to avoid the difficulty of navigating something hard or embarrassing related to my madness or mental wellness. Sometimes I do regret it; but other times I also recognize that me cutting those ties was positive -- that maybe it was a sign that I wasn't comfortable being more fully me in those spaces, with the mess that I am. And in leaving those people or spaces, I've often found different (or even better) situations.

Ofc, I'm not intending this as a projection onto you, nor as unreasonable hope, but just as an affirmation that we can regret things now while still having many future avenues open to us.

However things are going right now, I hear you, and I hope the world brings kindness to you.

 

[ScaredToLive]

I can relate. I have screwed up a few good jobs due to bad decisions. Currently unemployed and I wonder if I'll be able to rebuild my life.

What I realized (after much pain, embarrassment and destruction) is that I don't have good coping skills. I tended to drink or use drugs as a means to cope with stress. Eventually the dam would break and I would end up having a mental health crisis. Not implying the same situation for you, just venting about my ordeal.

Best wishes moving forward from here.

This is basically my exact situation with me, like you've described perfectly exactly what I do. Thank you for the kind words, hoping I can continue but not overly optimistic

I'm sorry things feel hard right now. I can't relate with this particular situation, but I know that I have regularly cut ties as a way to avoid the difficulty of navigating something hard or embarrassing related to my madness or mental wellness. Sometimes I do regret it; but other times I also recognize that me cutting those ties was positive -- that maybe it was a sign that I wasn't comfortable being more fully me in those spaces, with the mess that I am. And in leaving those people or spaces, I've often found different (or even better) situations.

Ofc, I'm not intending this as a projection onto you, nor as unreasonable hope, but just as an affirmation that we can regret things now while still having many future avenues open to us.

However things are going right now, I hear you, and I hope the world brings kindness to you.

Thank you for the kind words I very much appreciate it and that perspective has actually cheered me up a gray deal. I haven't thought of it in that way, I've been so down about it. Thank you for that

 

[FuneralCry]

I'm sorry you are in this situation. It can be a hopeless feeling when we mess things up as there is no way to turn back the time. Being alive is certainly horrible. Anyway, whatever happens, I wish you the best.

 

[Darkover]

it could be a lot worse at least you still have a chance at rebuilding your life, i'm living with a brain injury caused by smoking weed and using headphone, the headphones caused the damage to the ears and the brain after prolonged use like 2 years but the weed cause the addiction to the music in the first place it just felt so good at the time to stop doing it and now i can't work at all and feel suicidal everyday for the last five years, i spend most of time just laying down in bed wishing i was dead everyday, can't really concentrate for very long anymore can't watch movies or listen to music or program or work