A question to those of you in relationships.

[Idorus]

I like you. :) I feel the SAAAAAAAAAME way. I don't even wear shoes indoors or slippers with soles. I tip-toe around b/c I live in an old building with creaking wooden floors. And I feel really guilty flushing the toilet at night. I don't want to upset my downstairs neighbors... And I don't feel bad about doing these things because it would make my life MUCH easier if other people were similar. But noooooo. You get the neighbors with dogs chained up outside that bark ALL. NIGHT. LONG. Or the teens who love switching out their cars'/trucks' custom exhaust systems with SUPER LOUD fire-cracker modified systems and then driving up and down the street between 11PM and 4AM. And the bikers who think it's cool to sit on their Harley Davidsons revving right outside your window as long as they can so everyone notices them. Or the neighbor who's up at 5AM with the industrial strength leaf-blower... If I could find someplace quiet and peaceful to live, I wouldn't bother anyone. I'd just die there out of sight quietly.

I feel so much better now knowing I'm not the only who's not flushing the toilet at night while collecting pee in a soft tissue box to remove too prominent gush sound (after a little spliff I'm obsessed with anything I hear to the point I can't even pee anymore!) ;)) - and this even all without a wooden floor ahum.

We could talk for hours. The rare experiences I've had with the shadow of intimacy, it's been ONLY about sex. I'm no prude, but it was a massive disappointment coming to terms with the hook-up age. And if you start to talk with/to someone else, it's over. You're boring.

Exactly! All meaningless masturbational shit..... (welcome to the sobering real world;)

And you (and your friend who recently died--my condolences) are right: it takes a LOT of energy to be the person others NEED (not even just want) you to be. Especially as you get to know yourself better and realize you CANNOT fake it...

Yup that is and nothing else. And with aging and unending shit-experiences it becomes harder and harder and harder to the point it's next to impossible to fake the slightest. And since relationships are entirely based on it .... yeah I'm a bad one for that cutting through it with an ax in a second.

 

[FTL.Wanderer]

Yup that is and nothing else. And with aging and unending shit-experiences it becomes harder and harder and harder to the point it's next to impossible to fake the slightest.

Perfect.

 

[EphemeralDream]

Maybe I only have bad toxic relationship, but I feel like an interim human to them until find something or someone better. I don't know if I'm just not good enough or I not try hard enough. But relationship only last if I keep on giving. I think I always feel used.

 

[Alecsa]

Constant feeling of guilt, I suppose. How needy and insecure I tend to be. That nagging feeling that they would be better off with someone else who's so much better for them. Someone who isn't a burden, isn't difficult to handle, (I am emotionally and mentally incapable of a lot of things) someone who would help or push them to be better instead of dragging them down.

 

[letmeseethedeath]

So you're in a relationship, you love your partner, and your partner loves you. Outside of the typical things that all couple struggle with, whatever those things may be for you.

Why are you still feeling so desperately devastated and broken apart. that you want to kill yourself?

because nobody can really make you happy. nobody can repair you from the shitty life. nobody really loves you, love doesn't last forever and people change minds so easily. because we are no perfect, we are just people programmed in auto destruction

 

[LivingToLong]

But I do not blame her for anything. I know how difficult it was for her to live with my anxiety, my lack of will to live, my mood swings, my seemingly unreasonable cries, my pessimism.

This is so hard; loving someone but seeing yourself reflected in their eyes. You know they should leave you, you know you are not good for them. You understand that you drain them and you don't want that for them. You love them but you think they would be better off being with someone else. The answer seems so easy - change. You want to change, for them and for you, but you can't just 'change'. Not just like that. I don't know the answer.

The problem with being self-pitying is that you know you are. Every criticism hurled at you that begins 'self-' (self-aborbed, selfish, etc etc etc) it's all true, you know it is. You use it as a dagger to stab yourself with.

This is the paradox of self-pity: Those who feel genuinely sorry for themselves don't need to talk about it. Thus they tend not to come across as self-pitying, and are more likely to receive pity from others. Those who fail to pity themselves, are less likely to receive pity from others because their unmet need creates off-putting behaviors that repel, rather than attract, compassion.

The Paradox of Self-Pity

Those who come across as self-pitying usually have no real sympathy for themselves.

www.psychologytoday.com

 

[TheRiverStyz]

Because, as Lana del Rey put it, "sometimes love is not enough and the road gets tough, I don't know why."

I do know why, though. Of all the things in my life, love had never been the one thing I thought I'd obtain. I'd always pictured myself with a job, happy just being a productive member of society. Instead all I have is a relationship. I'm about to get rejected from another job in a few days, just you watch. I can't deal with it.

 

[BaconCheeseburger]

I love him and he loves me, and being with him makes me feel better... but I can't be with him 100% of the time. The second I have to leave him I'm just miserable again and yoyo-ing back and forth with my feelings is such a waste of time. If he wasn't part of my life I'd probably be a lot further along with my plans.

 

[FTL.Wanderer]

Maybe I only have bad toxic relationship, but I feel like an interim human to them until find something or someone better. I don't know if I'm just not good enough or I not try hard enough. But relationship only last if I keep on giving. I think I always feel used.

AMEN.

 

[Louise]

I'm in a relationship that has cured me of my chronic suicide ideation

 

[WhiteRabbit]

I'm married to a great guy but chronic pain has stolen my life. Hard to be happy when you hurt so badly 24/7.

 

[Cansado]

This is so hard; loving someone but seeing yourself reflected in their eyes. You know they should leave you, you know you are not good for them. You understand that you drain them and you don't want that for them. You love them but you think they would be better off being with someone else. The answer seems so easy - change. You want to change, for them and for you, but you can't just 'change'. Not just like that. I don't know the answer.

The problem with being self-pitying is that you know you are. Every criticism hurled at you that begins 'self-' (self-aborbed, selfish, etc etc etc) it's all true, you know it is. You use it as a dagger to stab yourself with.

The Paradox of Self-Pity

Those who come across as self-pitying usually have no real sympathy for themselves.

www.psychologytoday.com

I do not even know what to answer. Sorry