playd3ad.
embed it feels, like eternal ache.
- Oct 7, 2023
- 50
a massive rant, and kind of a trauma dump.
fuuuck. okay. to start off, life is a bitch, society was a mistake, and i'm too young for this shit. born with two parents - one with impulsivity, issues, and a victim complex. the other doesn't know what they're doing, and doesn't understand, and never will, and clearly doesn't want to. transphobic aunt, a cousin with her own issues, i trust nobody. my last school was fucking awful - stalked, harassed, i still have a friend that sucks and won't leave me alone. the only one i trust is my boyfriend, as said so many times before. tbh, i'm scared. terrified, even. that i'll hurt him, that he'll leave one way or another before we're together, or if i'm the same because my ex made me terrified of everything. i just- want a break, to forget it all, and with all this happening at this age, it's safe to say i'm sick and twisted and fucked up and terrified of everyone and fucked up since birth. people care, yeah, but do i want the help? it's easier to say no, and i don't, but deep down, something in me does. the kid in me still hopes. i don't know anymore. i don't know what's gotten into me. i know nothing. with DID, i just wanna be stuck in the headspace and never get out but we don't even HAVE a headspace. fuck.
fuuuck. okay. to start off, life is a bitch, society was a mistake, and i'm too young for this shit. born with two parents - one with impulsivity, issues, and a victim complex. the other doesn't know what they're doing, and doesn't understand, and never will, and clearly doesn't want to. transphobic aunt, a cousin with her own issues, i trust nobody. my last school was fucking awful - stalked, harassed, i still have a friend that sucks and won't leave me alone. the only one i trust is my boyfriend, as said so many times before. tbh, i'm scared. terrified, even. that i'll hurt him, that he'll leave one way or another before we're together, or if i'm the same because my ex made me terrified of everything. i just- want a break, to forget it all, and with all this happening at this age, it's safe to say i'm sick and twisted and fucked up and terrified of everyone and fucked up since birth. people care, yeah, but do i want the help? it's easier to say no, and i don't, but deep down, something in me does. the kid in me still hopes. i don't know anymore. i don't know what's gotten into me. i know nothing. with DID, i just wanna be stuck in the headspace and never get out but we don't even HAVE a headspace. fuck.
