A post for fellow Christians

[Crinia99]

I know this has been done to death, but I'm kind of struggling atm and would love to hear from fellow Christians on here. Please if you only have negative things to say then do not comment. I respect others beliefs so please do the same. It's difficult enough for us Christians contemplating CBT as it is. I have tried other faiths and beliefs and while they have helped me at times, for some of us, we cannot walk away from our personal experiences and the systems we were raised in. Instead we must try to find peace within it. Not easy, when we are confronted with suicide and the many Christian doctrines that condemn us to hell.

I personally have mixed convictions. I can go to church and praise God for giving his beloved son that we may have eternal life in heaven. When I am in this state I am able to confess and have firm conviction that no act of mine that I have done or will do, can possibly come near to the redemptive love and salvation of Christ...and I can give all praise to God. But it saddens me that I cannot find anything else to praise God for when others in church have so much. Other times I think I am fooling myself and that God expects me to endure this life no matter what or he will eternally punish me – even though I am facing inevitable homelessness and loss of my elderly dog, the only thing that gives me any comfort and helps me to endure chronic depression and PTSD. I get angry with God that he has not answered my prayers and changed my circumstances, like I have seen him do so many others I've known. Why has God given me more that I can handle? Of cause I'm told, by Christians and non Chistians too, it's because I deserve it and God is punishing me...in this sense, it feels he has already condemned me to hell. Yet, how could God who knows our heart and loves us beyond measure even exist if this is true? Sometimes I struggle not to turn away and blaspheme God, but I truly desire Christ to have all the glory, I know the victory is His.

I was hoping other Christians on here might share their struggles too. Perhaps we could pray for one another? maybe for a greater conviction and revelation of the truth and that God may prevail over our circumstances, no matter what we do.

 

[EternalShore]

First of all, I am really sorry to hear about all the things that have befallen you in this world. :( It truly is a cruel place with such uncaring, selfish, and evil people :( If I were in your shoes, I would have ctb'd long ago~ >_< You've been quite a strong woman in your years here. :)

The most important part is the last thing I respond to, so if you don't have much time, pls read that :)

I am able to confess and have firm conviction that no act of mine that I have done or will do, can possibly come near to the redemptive love and salvation of Christ...and I can give all praise to God.

That's quite nice :) I'm glad God has gifted you with such great faith in spite of the harsh circumstances of life! ^_^

But it saddens me that I cannot find anything else to praise God for when others in church have so much.

yes, it really is tough :( People are praising God about this and that, and you just have the feeling that He cursed your life instead :( I was never able to accept this myself, but I teach it to the kids who come to children's church :) And that is, when everything feels bad in your life, just remember that God doesn't just provide us with the big things. He also provides for us in giving us yummy meals and places like SS to talk to truly empathetic people~ hehe~ :) He gave us His son, Jesus, and a place to worship Him without fear of persecution~

If you like kids generally and don't only the need for your own with a man with which you can have them, you may want to teach at children's church at your church~ hehe~ You seem really committed to God and bettering the world He created from all your posts that I've read! ^_^

I get angry with God that he has not answered my prayers and changed my circumstances, like I have seen him do so many others I've known.

yeah :( I always felt cursed by God myself too~ :( Everyone else gets things, and you're just left there with nothing or almost nothing~ :(

Why has God given me more that I can handle?

Unfortunately, God never promises He won't give us more than we can handle :( The verse is 1 Corinthians 10:13: "No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it." He will just give us all a way out of temptation, not make life blessed, wondrous, or tolerable for us in any sense of the word :( The world is a cruel place, and God might not always answer our prayers, just as happened to both of us :(

in this sense, it feels he has already condemned me to hell.

Fortunately, He has not condemned you to Hell. He will never forsake you. :) This Earth may very well feel like hell (it certainly does for me, you and pretty much everyone else on here~ >_<), but that's due to the consequence of humanity's sin. Sin allowed evil to enter this world and perpetuate itself. But Jesus gives us a way out. If we have faith in Him, we will go to Heaven and be with Him. :) Our afterlife is not determined by what happens to us here on this earth, but what Christ did for us. :)

Of cause I'm told, by Christians and non Chistians too, it's because I deserve it and God is punishing me...

Fortunately, they are all wrong :) If you remember anything of what I say, REMEMBER this. :) Evil does not happen as punishment for us. In the Book of Job, Job was described as being upright and righteous (1:1) but in spite of his good deeds, God still allowed Satan to curse him, killing all his sons and taking all his belongings away, making him wish he were never born (3:11). His "friends" blamed him for this by claiming that there must be some evil he did not know that he had committed (8+11). However, as was known to him and God, he had done no wrong to deserve this misfortune.

Fortunately, this is not how God works. :) Evil that happens on this Earth is caused by sin (our distance from God). It may not be a result of what we individually have done but what humanity as a whole has done. Humans have been corrupted by sin since Adam, and this is what has made the world miserable for us. When evil occurs, in our own lives or others, it is a result of our sin and distance from God as humans. Fortunately, due to God's grace through Jesus Christ's sacrifice for us on the cross, we no longer have to pay the full effects of sin (eternal death in Hell), but we will blessed with riches in Heaven with God. :) Even though Christ had not died for humanity, in the story of Job, God's grace was still shown, and his righteousness was repaid and he got double of everything he had before. :)

Now, you might be tempted to talk about the Israelites and how they were punished for their wrongdoings, but as Paul explained in 1 Corinthians 10:6, this was merely to show us and them the consequences of their evil and sin, so that they may serve as examples of why we shouldn't do the same. :) Remember, God was present in their daily lives. He provided them with bread from the sky, freedom from slavery, and appeared to guide them by night and day. Yet the Israelites still did not follow Him in spite of all of us and turned to evil and idolatry.

I hope this helped you as you did to me. God bless you~ <3

 

[mortuarymary]

Good and evil are in us all. It just depends what path we take.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

Really no offence and not an attack against your believes but if your god is almighty, all-forgiving, all-merciful, and he created you to suffer here to be "forced" to commit a "sin" bc your life is so unbearable for you just to punish you afterwards in hell forever - then this god must be truly sadistic. This would be my logical conclusion.

I'm sorry you have to go through this and I wholeheartedly hope you find a convenient solution for you how to deal with your situation.

 

[mortuarymary]

But if there was this REAL god. Why do all the nasty bastard things happen. Child abuse, murder, poverty etc

 

[Praestat_Mori]

But if there was this REAL god. Why do all the nasty bastard things happen. Child abuse, murder, poverty etc

I fully agree! Big questions here, why all this unnecessary suffering!

I don't want to derail this thread, but if there was a single god (creator), worshipping and believing would be a kind of natural instinct that is the same for everyone,but actually many different groups believe in many different things in regards of religion which everyone of the believers claims to be right. This isn't logic to me.

However I accept other believes. This is just my personal opinion.

 

[SVEN]

I'm no theologue, or Bible scholar, however it seems like Samson for instance was by definition a multiple killer (those he slew in death were greater in number than those he slew in life) and a suicide. Yet, his suicidal strength was provided by God Himself according to Scripture.
And, turning to that great "Hall of Fame" in Hebrews 11, in verse 32 who do we find right up there with Gideon, Samuel & David (the man after God's heart, no less) than the aforesaid Samson.

 

[Ampsvx123]

God is perfect, perfection does no wrong. Although we may not know the motives of the divine, evil has its purpose. Wickedness, malices and worse are tools the angels thought good to use at time in this purgatory of ours.
It is through knowledge of good and wrong that a soul shows it worth, remember the commandments and 7 sins, always.

 

[Crinia99]

First of all, I am really sorry to hear about all the things that have befallen you in this world. :( It truly is a cruel place with such uncaring, selfish, and evil people :( If I were in your shoes, I would have ctb'd long ago~ >_< You've been quite a strong woman in your years here. :)

The most important part is the last thing I respond to, so if you don't have much time, pls read that :)

That's quite nice :) I'm glad God has gifted you with such great faith in spite of the harsh circumstances of life! ^_^


yes, it really is tough :( People are praising God about this and that, and you just have the feeling that He cursed your life instead :( I was never able to accept this myself, but I teach it to the kids who come to children's church :) And that is, when everything feels bad in your life, just remember that God doesn't just provide us with the big things. He also provides for us in giving us yummy meals and places like SS to talk to truly empathetic people~ hehe~ :) He gave us His son, Jesus, and a place to worship Him without fear of persecution~

If you like kids generally and don't only the need for your own with a man with which you can have them, you may want to teach at children's church at your church~ hehe~ You seem really committed to God and bettering the world He created from all your posts that I've read! ^_^


yeah :( I always felt cursed by God myself too~ :( Everyone else gets things, and you're just left there with nothing or almost nothing~ :(


Unfortunately, God never promises He won't give us more than we can handle :( The verse is 1 Corinthians 10:13: "No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it." He will just give us all a way out of temptation, not make life blessed, wondrous, or tolerable for us in any sense of the word :( The world is a cruel place, and God might not always answer our prayers, just as happened to both of us :(


Fortunately, He has not condemned you to Hell. He will never forsake you. :) This Earth may very well feel like hell (it certainly does for me, you and pretty much everyone else on here~ >_<), but that's due to the consequence of humanity's sin. Sin allowed evil to enter this world and perpetuate itself. But Jesus gives us a way out. If we have faith in Him, we will go to Heaven and be with Him. :) Our afterlife is not determined by what happens to us here on this earth, but what Christ did for us. :)


Fortunately, they are all wrong :) If you remember anything of what I say, REMEMBER this. :) Evil does not happen as punishment for us. In the Book of Job, Job was described as being upright and righteous (1:1) but in spite of his good deeds, God still allowed Satan to curse him, killing all his sons and taking all his belongings away, making him wish he were never born (3:11). His "friends" blamed him for this by claiming that there must be some evil he did not know that he had committed (8+11). However, as was known to him and God, he had done no wrong to deserve this misfortune.

Fortunately, this is not how God works. :) Evil that happens on this Earth is caused by sin (our distance from God). It may not be a result of what we individually have done but what humanity as a whole has done. Humans have been corrupted by sin since Adam, and this is what has made the world miserable for us. When evil occurs, in our own lives or others, it is a result of our sin and distance from God as humans. Fortunately, due to God's grace through Jesus Christ's sacrifice for us on the cross, we no longer have to pay the full effects of sin (eternal death in Hell), but we will blessed with riches in Heaven with God. :) Even though Christ had not died for humanity, in the story of Job, God's grace was still shown, and his righteousness was repaid and he got double of everything he had before. :)

Now, you might be tempted to talk about the Israelites and how they were punished for their wrongdoings, but as Paul explained in 1 Corinthians 10:6, this was merely to show us and them the consequences of their evil and sin, so that they may serve as examples of why we shouldn't do the same. :) Remember, God was present in their daily lives. He provided them with bread from the sky, freedom from slavery, and appeared to guide them by night and day. Yet the Israelites still did not follow Him in spite of all of us and turned to evil and idolatry.

I hope this helped you as you did to me. God bless you~ <3

Thank you for your support and thoughful responses... thank God for SS have to admit, I often forget to thank God for the small things, but things that are of importance none the less, like yourself and others on here. Just going through a particularly tough time atm. Don't feel I can take much more but have to hold on for my dog. Will have to just push on and continue praising God in the midst of all this suffering, thank God He dwells in the praises of His people.

Really no offence and not an attack against your believes but if your god is almighty, all-forgiving, all-merciful, and he created you to suffer here to be "forced" to commit a "sin" bc your life is so unbearable for you just to punish you afterwards in hell forever - then this god must be truly sadistic. This would be my logical conclusion.

I'm sorry you have to go through this and I wholeheartedly hope you find a convenient solution for you how to deal with your situation.

logical and very true, thank you

 

[cosmic_traveler]

In the Christian Church we are taught that Jesus is inside each of us. We are also taught that Jesus is in Heaven, seated at the right hand of the Father. For both statements to be true means that Heaven is inside all of us.

If your life was pleasant, care-free, and full of luxury you would say "this is heavenly". The opposite is also true, if your life is full of misery, regret, and pain you would say "this is hell".

I don't want to change your faith, but consider that Heaven and Hell are not destinations, but a state of mind. I am sorry you're hurting so much. We wish you peace. Big hugs. Be well on your journey.

 

[randal_bond]

I know this has been done to death, but I'm kind of struggling atm and would love to hear from fellow Christians on here. Please if you only have negative things to say then do not comment. I respect others beliefs so please do the same. It's difficult enough for us Christians contemplating CBT as it is. I have tried other faiths and beliefs and while they have helped me at times, for some of us, we cannot walk away from our personal experiences and the systems we were raised in. Instead we must try to find peace within it. Not easy, when we are confronted with suicide and the many Christian doctrines that condemn us to hell.

I personally have mixed convictions. I can go to church and praise God for giving his beloved son that we may have eternal life in heaven. When I am in this state I am able to confess and have firm conviction that no act of mine that I have done or will do, can possibly come near to the redemptive love and salvation of Christ...and I can give all praise to God. But it saddens me that I cannot find anything else to praise God for when others in church have so much. Other times I think I am fooling myself and that God expects me to endure this life no matter what or he will eternally punish me – even though I am facing inevitable homelessness and loss of my elderly dog, the only thing that gives me any comfort and helps me to endure chronic depression and PTSD. I get angry with God that he has not answered my prayers and changed my circumstances, like I have seen him do so many others I've known. Why has God given me more that I can handle? Of cause I'm told, by Christians and non Chistians too, it's because I deserve it and God is punishing me...in this sense, it feels he has already condemned me to hell. Yet, how could God who knows our heart and loves us beyond measure even exist if this is true? Sometimes I struggle not to turn away and blaspheme God, but I truly desire Christ to have all the glory, I know the victory is His.

I was hoping other Christians on here might share their struggles too. Perhaps we could pray for one another? maybe for a greater conviction and revelation of the truth and that God may prevail over our circumstances, no matter what we do.

As a person who lost faith due to having more suffering than I can endure and no hope to reduce it, I strongly recommend you to hold on to your faith for as long as you can. I wish I could find comfort in God, but I can't lie to myself and rationalize everything in His favour anymore. I can't unsee common sense and live in my imaginary world any longer.

If you can do it, keep at it. This may be your only comfort and hope to keep going. Doesn't matter if it is a lie or doesn't make sense. Just keep believing for as long as you can. Dissociation is a huge help and allows us not to go mad and not to kill ourselves. Keep living in this world, keep believing in God's love, keep being grateful for anything you can. That's what religions are for, and no single belief system is better than the other. They're all made to support and comfort us for as long as we believe.

Hold on to it.

 

[inneedrelief]

Idk about you but my suffering is a waste of time. And I'm at a loss like you and I believe in God I hope he can let us just ctb bc this is unfair and unbearable

 

[Crinia99]

As a person who lost faith due to having more suffering than I can endure and no hope to reduce it, I strongly recommend you to hold on to your faith for as long as you can. I wish I could find comfort in God, but I can't lie to myself and rationalize everything in His favour anymore. I can't unsee common sense and live in my imaginary world any longer.

If you can do it, keep at it. This may be your only comfort and hope to keep going. Doesn't matter if it is a lie or doesn't make sense. Just keep believing for as long as you can. Dissociation is a huge help and allows us not to go mad and not to kill ourselves. Keep living in this world, keep believing in God's love, keep being grateful for anything you can. That's what religions are for, and no single belief system is better than the other. They're all made to support and comfort us for as long as we believe.

Hold on to it.

I understand how the suffering can be too much to endure and you loose all hope and you have to walk away, I've had to do it before, just to cope and survive day to day. I guess i want to CTB while I still have some hope. It's not that I want to go on, I don't. Loosing my dog and becoming homeless is too much for me and it is inevitable. But I wan't to still have faith in a merciful loving God, i dont want to loose that. I'm unsure if I can keep it up though, the doubts are coming is as my life continues to quickly spiral apart.

In the Christian Church we are taught that Jesus is inside each of us. We are also taught that Jesus is in Heaven, seated at the right hand of the Father. For both statements to be true means that Heaven is inside all of us.

If your life was pleasant, care-free, and full of luxury you would say "this is heavenly". The opposite is also true, if your life is full of misery, regret, and pain you would say "this is hell".

I don't want to change your faith, but consider that Heaven and Hell are not destinations, but a state of mind. I am sorry you're hurting so much. We wish you peace. Big hugs. Be well on your journey.

But the problem is not the misery, regret or pain. Christ can heal the emotional side of things. It's the tangible stuff, the financial stresses, it's struggling to pay the bills and have a roof over my head, it's the lack of having any quality of life and the impacts that has on my existing predisposition for chronic depression. I cannot just praise and worship God in my suffering all day and night, any more than I can meditate my life away. I don't have that kind of luxury.

 

[randal_bond]

Idk about you but my suffering is a waste of time. And I'm at a loss like you and I believe in God I hope he can let us just ctb bc this is unfair and unbearable

Agree. It doesn't make sense if we're in the most unbearable and hopeless life, and loving God will punish us for taking our only way out. But then look how the world just won't accept this, how it makes us bad guys for even thinkng about it.
We hope that God in His wisdom will understand, but then He keeps saying that He loves us and that hair won't fall from our head without His will, and look at where we are. If that's called love, then I don't know anymore. For that reason it's impossible to believe in loving God anymore. There may be life after death, but it's certainly not how it's described in Holy Books of any of the main religions.

 

[ManWithNoName]

Thanks to the OP for posting this thread. As a fellow Christian, I also appreciate the questions about why God allows suffering if He is looking over us all. These same questions I asked my pastor when I was a youth, and he was at a loss for an answer, so the criticism that Christianity often receives is understandable.

I use Christianity to govern my moral compass, summed up in three words: "Do unto others."

That said, as I find myself contemplating CTB, I wonder if it is possible for me to ask for forgiveness in advance before actually carrying out the act. Supposedly, suicide does not send one to hell, but as the time nears for me, it seems my instinct is to cover all my bases before I do.

I get angry with God that he has not answered my prayers and changed my circumstances, like I have seen him do so many others I've known.

Yeah, I hear you. I recently listened to someone who said to "Pray every day," and he would tell us to end each prayer with "In Jesus's name." I'm going to try it. I never prayed 'every day' when I needed something; I just prayed once and didn't ask again because I didn't want to annoy the Almighty. But what I'm going to do is pray every day and see what happens.

Also, there is someone I came across, a non-bs geopolitical analyst of all people, who is a "I want to believe that there is a God" in the same way Mulder from X-files wants to believe in extraterrestrial aliens visiting Earth. He believes that one gets answers to prayers, despite him being somewhat agnostic. Who knows, maybe praying on a regular basis helps conjure up benevolent cosmic forces, not necessarily in the Abrahamic sense, but as Christians, we frame it that way. Worst-case scenario, nothing changes.

 

[Crinia99]

Thanks to the OP for posting this thread. As a fellow Christian, I also appreciate the questions about why God allows suffering if He is looking over us all. These same questions I asked my pastor when I was a youth, and he was at a loss for an answer, so the criticism that Christianity often receives is understandable.

I use Christianity to govern my moral compass, summed up in three words: "Do unto others."

That said, as I find myself contemplating CTB, I wonder if it is possible for me to ask for forgiveness in advance before actually carrying out the act. Supposedly, suicide does not send one to hell, but as the time nears for me, it seems my instinct is to cover all my bases before I do.


Yeah, I hear you. I recently listened to someone who said to "Pray every day," and he would tell us to end each prayer with "In Jesus's name." I'm going to try it. I never prayed 'every day' when I needed something; I just prayed once and didn't ask again because I didn't want to annoy the Almighty. But what I'm going to do is pray every day and see what happens.

Also, there is someone I came across, a non-bs geopolitical analyst of all people, who is a "I want to believe that there is a God" in the same way Mulder from X-files wants to believe in extraterrestrial aliens visiting Earth. He believes that one gets answers to prayers, despite him being somewhat agnostic. Who knows, maybe praying on a regular basis helps conjure up benevolent cosmic forces, not necessarily in the Abrahamic sense, but as Christians, we frame it that way. Worst-case scenario, nothing changes.

Well I've been praying every day and for my situation to change, but it's only got worse. I'm not saying God won't answer your prayer, he has answered some of mine at times, just not the reason for why I am here. I've seen some wild things happen when people pray together, yes it is almost like some super cosmic force is at work, that is called as the Holy Spirit, it seems most profound when people pray together, but even more so when they praise God together in the midst of suffering (not easy to do). I have personally experienced revelations and healings during these times.

 

[Raindancer]

I personally have mixed convictions. I can go to church and praise God for giving his beloved son that we may have eternal life in heaven. When I am in this state I am able to confess and have firm conviction that no act of mine that I have done or will do, can possibly come near to the redemptive love and salvation of Christ...and I can give all praise to God.I get angry with God that he has not answered my prayers and changed my circumstances, like I have seen him do so many others I've known. Why has God given me more that I can handle? Of cause I'm told, by Christians and non Chistians too, it's because I deserve it and God is punishing me...in this sense, it feels he has already condemned me to hell. Yet, how could God who knows our heart and loves us beyond measure even exist if this is true? Sometimes I struggle not to turn away and blaspheme God, but I truly desire Christ to have all the glory, I know the victory is His.

I was hoping other Christians on here might share their struggles too. Perhaps we could pray for one another? maybe for a greater conviction and revelation of the truth and that God may prevail over our circumstances, no matter what we do.

I have to say thank you for posting this. I relate so much to what you have said. I have been born again since a young teenager. I have seen God work in my life and others. I have been healed of 2 illnesses, one being stage 3 cancer, I have felt the power and mercy of God. I have also felt His complete absence from my life. I haven't been told God has condemned me, but I have been told it's because of some sin in my life. I do believe we are convicted of sin, but I don't believe that is what I am going through now. Like you I am struggling with the suffering and why so much. I have hung on through dark nights quoting one scripture over and over(23rd Psalm) only to go through another exact night.

For awhile, my faith got very progressive. God thankfully turned me back to the Bible and my thinking has changed. Yes I prayed for other people, but there were always prayers for me, not quite like using God as my genie, but asking for specifics and things I felt I needed or wanted. Currently I am trying to view things through Christ and not myself. It's not about me, it's about Him. I don't pray for specifics anymore, just His will, knowing it could cost everything. If I could stay in that space it would help, but I do not.

Fortunately, they are all wrong :) If you remember anything of what I say, REMEMBER this. :) Evil does not happen as punishment for us. In the Book of Job, Job was described as being upright and righteous (1:1) but in spite of his good deeds, God still allowed Satan to curse him, killing all his sons and taking all his belongings away, making him wish he were never born (3:11). His "friends" blamed him for this by claiming that there must be some evil he did not know that he had committed (8+11). However, as was known to him and God, he had done no wrong to deserve this misfortune.

Fortunately, this is not how God works. :) Evil that happens on this Earth is caused by sin (our distance from God). It may not be a result of what we individually have done but what humanity as a whole has done. Humans have been corrupted by sin since Adam, and this is what has made the world miserable for us. When evil occurs, in our own lives or others, it is a result of our sin and distance from God as humans. Fortunately, due to God's grace through Jesus Christ's sacrifice for us on the cross, we no longer have to pay the full effects of sin (eternal death in Hell), but we will blessed with riches in Heaven with God. :) Even though Christ had not died for humanity, in the story of Job, God's grace was still shown, and his righteousness was repaid and he got double of everything he had before. :)

Thank you for this. I know I needed to hear it. It really is about the little things God does or gives us. I almost felt coming to SS was a betrayal. It really has helped me to know others are here who share my beliefs and struggles.

I for one would love to be in a prayer group with others here!

 

[inneedrelief]

Agree. It doesn't make sense if we're in the most unbearable and hopeless life, and loving God will punish us for taking our only way out. But then look how the world just won't accept this, how it makes us bad guys for even thinkng about it.
We hope that God in His wisdom will understand, but then He keeps saying that He loves us and that hair won't fall from our head without His will, and look at where we are. If that's called love, then I don't know anymore. For that reason it's impossible to believe in loving God anymore. There may be life after death, but it's certainly not how it's described in Holy Books of any of the main religions.

It's soo freaking unfair makes me angry like how can you free them but not me and if I ctb you get mad? I guess it's like an "oh well" "too bad" suffer suffer till I come wow thanks for my useless life

 

[ManWithNoName]

Well I've been praying every day and for my situation to change, but it's only got worse. I'm not saying God won't answer your prayer, he has answered some of mine at times, just not the reason for why I am here. I've seen some wild things happen when people pray together, yes it is almost like some super cosmic force is at work, that is called as the Holy Spirit, it seems most profound when people pray together, but even more so when they praise God together in the midst of suffering (not easy to do). I have personally experienced revelations and healings during these times.

Thanks for sharing your experience. The other thing I forgot to mention was that it was suggested to pray out loud. You don't have fo shout your prayer, just talk normally but be in a place where you are alone and nobody can overhear you. It was also said to me, it was imputto end each prayer by ending it by saying "in Jesus name, amen". It os these two things I have never done when I prayed, this is why I'm going to do this from here on in to see what happens.

 

[Crinia99]

But if there was this REAL god. Why do all the nasty bastard things happen. Child abuse, murder, poverty etc

Thanks for sharing your experience. The other thing I forgot to mention was that it was suggested to pray out loud. You don't have fo shout your prayer, just talk normally but be in a place where you are alone and nobody can overhear you. It was also said to me, it was imputto end each prayer by ending it by saying "in Jesus name, amen". It os these two things I have never done when I prayed, this is why I'm going to do this from here on in to see what happens.

Yes praying out loud is good, as is corporate prayer. I believe that by saying "in jesus name" means we are in a place with Jesus, it is almost like we must humble and make ourselves so small that Jesus can then speak in and through us. It is not about what we say or do, it is about the power that is in Christ.

Thanks for sharing your experience. The other thing I forgot to mention was that it was suggested to pray out loud. You don't have fo shout your prayer, just talk normally but be in a place where you are alone and nobody can overhear you. It was also said to me, it was imputto end each prayer by ending it by saying "in Jesus name, amen". It os these two things I have never done when I prayed, this is why I'm going to do this from here on in to see what saying

 

[deathdream]

Ex christian here, I was raised by a christian family and went to a catholic school. We had prayers everyday and lectures on the bible.
I know how you feel… I am always in constant fear of going to hell, just because I choose not to live anymore.
I respect your belief: even as an ex christian, sometimes I still find myself talking with someone, that I once called God, asking the same questions over and over, just wanting to feel like I have someone who looks out for me.
Let me tell you my friend, you're not a terrible person, bad things happen to you not because you're deserving of them. And I know that's how religion makes us feel because I've been through it and I still am deep in it. You may think it's all some karma and divine justice, it isn't, it's simply a corrupted world. Nature is not the perfect and magical thing we were led to believe, it's nothing but a rush to survive, only the stronger ones get to enjoy it, it has nothing to do with how good of a person you are. It is messed up.
So please don't be so hard on yourself, or with mistakes that you've done, by the post you made you seem like an incredibly genuine and loving person, don't let yourself believe that you aren't one.

 

[Crinia99]

It's soo freaking unfair makes me angry like how can you free them but not me and if I ctb you get mad? I guess it's like an "oh well" "too bad" suffer suffer till I come wow thanks for my useless life

Not easy to do, but I think we have to differentiate between what God says and what our society and culture say. Religion is formed through our society and since society frowns on suicide, then it will take what is in the Bible to put fear in us as a means to coerce and manipulate us to its desire. The Bible does not say we will go to hell. It says murder is a sin but, who is free of sin? If you look at the things the bible says are sinful, then we all are very sinful indeed!. Christ died so that we may be forgiven for our sins and have eternal life with him in heaven. The Bible really says "thou shalt not murder" but is suicide murder? That is questionable on how you interpret the word "murder". Either way, I'd personally say suicide it's a sin, but it is not an unforgivable sin...the only unforgivable sin that God speaks of is blaspheming the Holy Spirit, which I believe is turning away from Christ's saving grace.

As for why God doesn't answer our prayers while he does others, who often seem less deserving, I do not know. I've personally experienced God physically heal me of sickness and chronic depression. But he hasn't changed my financial circumstances and the reason I'm on here and planning to ctb. Maybe that would involve inteferring with others free will, maybe God dosn't intefere much in the physical realms that we live in and maybe there are other forces at work when we see others prayers being answer which we simply interperet it as being from God. All I can do is guess.

 

[BlackBlood6]

Listening to worship music atm out of guilt. Doesn't work. Been to church, read the bible. I did most of the christian type stuff in younger years too. God can't help mental illness, period. In fact, don't think he can really help anything. What's done is already done. It's more like "What am I not doing to help me do better" but at some point you realize you can't do anymore than you have done and God is pretty unpleasable giving people more than they care to handle.

 

[funnyjoy]

As a Christian myself I understand, I also have trouble praising god when my life has been truly shit. How he gives me something and then takes it away, how he gives me false hope, how I'm expected to praise and love him but I can't see or hear or feel him. I understand it, and I'm sorry you're going through it, I wouldn't wish this on anybody.

I'm also sorry that you have thoughts of ctb as a Christian. Like you said, it's really not easy When we're led to believe that we will be condemned to hell for doing it. When all we want is the pain to end and we're punished for it because it's still murder, or we're putting life in our hands when it's gods will, or any of those other excuses. I don't know, I've had so many people tell me I'm a bad person, surly I'm going to hell, but I don't intend to be bad I'm just trying to figure it out like everyone else so maybe I won't get into any trouble. I don't know

I just wanted to tell you that I understand you, I see you, and you're not alone in your struggle

I hope you find peace, I really hope whatever you do you find peace, I'll pray over you whenever I do my prayers. And maybe one day I'll meet you wherever we end up

But until then I wish you only the best

 

[Crinia99]

Ex christian here, I was raised by a christian family and went to a catholic school. We had prayers everyday and lectures on the bible.
I know how you feel… I am always in constant fear of going to hell, just because I choose not to live anymore.
I respect your belief: even as an ex christian, sometimes I still find myself talking with someone, that I once called God, asking the same questions over and over, just wanting to feel like I have someone who looks out for me.
Let me tell you my friend, you're not a terrible person, bad things happen to you not because you're deserving of them. And I know that's how religion makes us feel because I've been through it and I still am deep in it. You may think it's all some karma and divine justice, it isn't, it's simply a corrupted world. Nature is not the perfect and magical thing we were led to believe, it's nothing but a rush to survive, only the stronger ones get to enjoy it, it has nothing to do with how good of a person you are. It is messed up.
So please don't be so hard on yourself, or with mistakes that you've done, by the post you made you seem like an incredibly genuine and loving person, don't let yourself believe that you aren't one.

Thank you, i can get so caught up in a "just world philosophy" sometimes that I get blinded by the truth. I agree with you, it is a very corrupt world and it can be very hard to differentiate between God and the corrupt society that we live in. I think that is how society wants it to be. Shit does just happen and the lower down on socetys ladder you are, the more shit gets thrown at you, but as humans we desire to try rationalise and make some meaning and sense of it all. We look to God for answers, but society hides its corruption in the form of religion, so often we just end up getting mixed messages and more shit thrown at us. Sometimes we are forced to take a step back, just to cope and see the wood from the trees. I don't think that means God has left us though.

As a Christian myself I understand, I also have trouble praising god when my life has been truly shit. How he gives me something and then takes it away, how he gives me false hope, how I'm expected to praise and love him but I can't see or hear or feel him. I understand it, and I'm sorry you're going through it, I wouldn't wish this on anybody.

I'm also sorry that you have thoughts of ctb as a Christian. Like you said, it's really not easy When we're led to believe that we will be condemned to hell for doing it. When all we want is the pain to end and we're punished for it because it's still murder, or we're putting life in our hands when it's gods will, or any of those other excuses. I don't know, I've had so many people tell me I'm a bad person, surly I'm going to hell, but I don't intend to be bad I'm just trying to figure it out like everyone else so maybe I won't get into any trouble. I don't know

I just wanted to tell you that I understand you, I see you, and you're not alone in your struggle

I hope you find peace, I really hope whatever you do you find peace, I'll pray over you whenever I do my prayers. And maybe one day I'll meet you wherever we end up

But until then I wish you only the best

Thank you for understanding, I really don't believe we will be punished in hell for taking our lives when we are suffering. It is society and religion that tells us that, not God. We should only listen to God. The lingering doubts just come in sometimes.

As a Christian myself I understand, I also have trouble praising god when my life has been truly shit. How he gives me something and then takes it away, how he gives me false hope, how I'm expected to praise and love him but I can't see or hear or feel him. I understand it, and I'm sorry you're going through it, I wouldn't wish this on anybody.

I'm also sorry that you have thoughts of ctb as a Christian. Like you said, it's really not easy When we're led to believe that we will be condemned to hell for doing it. When all we want is the pain to end and we're punished for it because it's still murder, or we're putting life in our hands when it's gods will, or any of those other excuses. I don't know, I've had so many people tell me I'm a bad person, surly I'm going to hell, but I don't intend to be bad I'm just trying to figure it out like everyone else so maybe I won't get into any trouble. I don't know

I just wanted to tell you that I understand you, I see you, and you're not alone in your struggle

I hope you find peace, I really hope whatever you do you find peace, I'll pray over you whenever I do my prayers. And maybe one day I'll meet you wherever we end up

But until then I wish you only the best

Thank you for understanding, I really don't believe we will be punished in hell for taking our lives when we are suffering. It is society and religion that tells us that, not God. We should only listen to God. The lingering doubts just come in sometimes.

 

[Crinia99]

I have to say thank you for posting this. I relate so much to what you have said. I have been born again since a young teenager. I have seen God work in my life and others. I have been healed of 2 illnesses, one being stage 3 cancer, I have felt the power and mercy of God. I have also felt His complete absence from my life. I haven't been told God has condemned me, but I have been told it's because of some sin in my life. I do believe we are convicted of sin, but I don't believe that is what I am going through now. Like you I am struggling with the suffering and why so much. I have hung on through dark nights quoting one scripture over and over(23rd Psalm) only to go through another exact night.

For awhile, my faith got very progressive. God thankfully turned me back to the Bible and my thinking has changed. Yes I prayed for other people, but there were always prayers for me, not quite like using God as my genie, but asking for specifics and things I felt I needed or wanted. Currently I am trying to view things through Christ and not myself. It's not about me, it's about Him. I don't pray for specifics anymore, just His will, knowing it could cost everything. If I could stay in that space it would help, but I do not.

Thank you for this. I know I needed to hear it. It really is about the little things God does or gives us. I almost felt coming to SS was a betrayal. It really has helped me to know others are here who share my beliefs and struggles.

I for one would love to be in a prayer group with others here!

Being healed of stage 3 cancer is rather amazing. I've experienced the healing power of God too, depression and chronic fatigue. But am back in the midst of depression due to financial stress and homelessness looming all too near. Would be great to stay in that space as you say, but I also cannot and it often feels like im being pulled in two totally different directions, where I can be at peace in prayer but as soon as I'm back in this world, the financial stresses and reality of my situation qiuckly take over. I also quote the 23rd Psalm and the Lords prayer over and over during the night, at least it helps me get back to sleep :) I know what you mean by not praying for specifics, though sometimes I find myself paying God will end my suffering and take my life before I do....lead me not into temptation... sounds rather twisted as im typing this. Will message you privately re prayer, hopefully others will like to join us too.

 

[Raindancer]

Being healed of stage 3 cancer is rather amazing. I've experienced the healing power of God too, depression and chronic fatigue. But am back in the midst of depression due to financial stress and homelessness looming all too near. Would be great to stay in that space as you say, but I also cannot and it often feels like im being pulled in two totally different directions, where I can be at peace in prayer but as soon as I'm back in this world, the financial stresses and reality of my situation qiuckly take over. I also quote the 23rd Psalm and the Lords prayer over and over during the night, at least it helps me get back to sleep :) I know what you mean by not praying for specifics, though sometimes I find myself paying God will end my suffering and take my life before I do....lead me not into temptation... sounds rather twisted as im typing this. Will message you privately re prayer, hopefully others will like to join us too.

Yes, very much can relate the one minute being at peace in prayer or worship and then hello world. I honestly cannot tell you how many times I have and still do pray for God to just take me. I still suffer health issues and the suffering can be overwhelming. I am with you, almost every time I write something here, I pause because it can so antithetical to my faith and beliefs, but here we are. Thank you, sounds great and I do hope others do to!

 

[MBG]

I know this has been done to death, but I'm kind of struggling atm and would love to hear from fellow Christians on here. Please if you only have negative things to say then do not comment. I respect others beliefs so please do the same. It's difficult enough for us Christians contemplating CBT as it is. I have tried other faiths and beliefs and while they have helped me at times, for some of us, we cannot walk away from our personal experiences and the systems we were raised in. Instead we must try to find peace within it. Not easy, when we are confronted with suicide and the many Christian doctrines that condemn us to hell.

I personally have mixed convictions. I can go to church and praise God for giving his beloved son that we may have eternal life in heaven. When I am in this state I am able to confess and have firm conviction that no act of mine that I have done or will do, can possibly come near to the redemptive love and salvation of Christ...and I can give all praise to God. But it saddens me that I cannot find anything else to praise God for when others in church have so much. Other times I think I am fooling myself and that God expects me to endure this life no matter what or he will eternally punish me – even though I am facing inevitable homelessness and loss of my elderly dog, the only thing that gives me any comfort and helps me to endure chronic depression and PTSD. I get angry with God that he has not answered my prayers and changed my circumstances, like I have seen him do so many others I've known. Why has God given me more that I can handle? Of cause I'm told, by Christians and non Chistians too, it's because I deserve it and God is punishing me...in this sense, it feels he has already condemned me to hell. Yet, how could God who knows our heart and loves us beyond measure even exist if this is true? Sometimes I struggle not to turn away and blaspheme God, but I truly desire Christ to have all the glory, I know the victory is His.

I was hoping other Christians on here might share their struggles too. Perhaps we could pray for one another? maybe for a greater conviction and revelation of the truth and that God may prevail over our circumstances, no matter what we do.

Wait a minute. Now let me get this straight: you want any Christians here to publicly identify themselves? But not only that, but to also publicly reveal what struggles & weaknesses they have that have driven them to contemplate suicide??? Can you really be so naïve? Or are you working for the Adversary?



1 Peter 5:8

Matthew 10:16

Ephesians 6:10-18

 

[MrShino]

Wow! Thanks for making such an excellent post. There are definitively belivers amongst the people here, and I appreciate that we help and consolidate eachother. There are certain questions and worries that I think is special for people that believe.

Even if we trust in Jesus, that does not make it certain that God shields us of all kinds of evil. And as all of you, I also share in the sentiment: 'Why? How long? When is it finally enough?' The question of God and suffering as an agelong problem (called 'theodicy' in theology). I will not go into all of that (also because I know less than I'd wanted to for such an exposition. There are many good books to read on the subject, however. I just started myself with C.S Lewis 'The Problem of Pain' (The Problem of Pain is a 1940 book on the problem of evil by C. S. Lewis, in which Lewis argues that human pain, animal pain, and hell are not sufficient reasons to reject belief in a good and powerful God.) the other day - and hopefully it can bring some answers. In the Bible, the book of Job, is probably our main go-to in search of such answers.

So the questions that I also ask myself is, 'am I being punished for my sins? Is it a natural consequences of that? Is it spiritual attacks, is it trials that we are to endure (like Job)? And since we are here, what happens if we chose to end our lives?'

I will not claim to know the answers, although I will share what I believe.

First of all, suffering is inevitable in the world. That is because of the fall of man into sin and because there is evil in the world (and in us as well) and because there is a devil. As Christians we are all in this battle (although He that is in us is greater than he that is in the world).

Paul knows all about the sufferings (2 Corinthians 11:23-28). So did so many of the others, and even Jesus Himself. Even so:
'We rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame. ~ Rom 5:3–5'

Still, even as believers, and ultimately having received salvation and forgiveness of sins, the Bible seems to be clear that there are natural consequences our sins can have in our lives. Many places do we read about believers that face this. It could be trials and well - 'bad luck' as well. Many good people also experience terrible things, so it's difficult to say for certain.

So it could be both, at least we must be open to the possibility that it might be wrong on our side also sometimes. I do not think we can justify ourselves with always comparing our situation with Job's, although it could be part of the story. Perhaps we need to repent for our wrongs also.

I would really love for us to have a prayer group here as well. I think we really need that.

What we cannot do is give up on hope and trusting God, no matter how bad it gets. There is really no other solution in it's place from what I can see. Wish you all the best! And may God turn us on the right path.

 

[Meteora]

I could not read the whole thread. My English is rather poor and so is my concentration.
What I learned, it's ok to be angry with God. You don't have to always just praise him. You can tell him how dissapointed you are, how much you struggle. Let him know that you really need his help. And try to see small signs. I know, that doesn't help you with your impending homelessness. I wish I could help you.

I've asked myself for years and years why God allows so horrible things to happen. I still have no answer. Some people say it is humans who are evil and God cannot influence them.

May God bless you.

Of cause I'm told, by Christians and non Chistians too, it's because I deserve it and God is punishing me..

You don't deserve what you are going through. I don't understand how people can say that. God is loving. I don't know unfortunately why you anyway have suffer.
Some say Jesus didn't do anything but suffer. Seems like it is part of life....

May I ask, why will you be homeless? Is there nobody in your church or friends who can help you out?