A poll: What keeps you going?

[vira]

I doubt there will be a single answer to this question, so if you could pick the main reason you're still alive, which would it be? Try to pick the least amount of reasons, if possible.

I don't really care enough to search for a poll similar to this, people like doing polls, even if its repetitive, right?

Hopefully I didnt miss anything as I have no more slots lol

 

[R-7]

My friends would be sad.

...and I'm not entirely sure how I'd CTB.

 

[vira]

...and I'm not entirely sure how I'd CTB.

Yeah im stuck in that loop too. Each time i find a method, i test it out, and realize it just doesn't work for me. I feel my friends would be upset too, but thats just the way life operates.

 

[NutOrat]

Also laziness, or lack of energy, you could add to the choices.

 

[SoulWhisperer]

I'm alive "out of habit", I'm just waiting for the right occasion to pop and for the resources to take it. It's horrifying...

 

[vira]

Also laziness, or lack of energy, you could add to the choices.

Ran out of space... that could fall under lack of time for anyone who needs it! Thank you

 

[Vorty30]

Hmmm, let's see and check on the list... Wait, there is nothing to check for me, ok.

Family - I live with two assholes parents that I couldn't give 5 shits about, that i utterly hate for sending me two times in a row to a mental prison / hospital. Once they did it in 2018, but they wanted to run their white knight complex further so they did another attempt in 2023.
The only family member I really cared for was my grandpa who understand it as much as I did, yet died of dementia. Thanks to the lovely universe for that!

Partner - No. Never had one, never will, it's too late in the day for that. After 17 years of enduring this torture, it is what it is. Doubt a 31 year old ex gamer would cut it in today's social standards so yeah.

Job / School / College - LOOOOL! Ok, I have not had a job, won't be having one. Was supposed to get one after I supposedly finished college in the medical field... Yeah, fuck that. Not gonna spend my remaining miserable days working shifts to get a near 2000 to have nothing and noone to spend on in the end. Money does not lead to happiness. And to the social BS saying that this is what matters - It does not. Trust me on that.

Pets - No. Don't have one. Can't have the poor animal hurting when I can't get out of bed daily to take care of it.

Kids - DUDE! You know I am an antinatalist for a reason right?!

Resources - I have all I need. Just... Wishing I could get my hands on SN or that special X boson particle they are trying to create in CERN ( Nembutal ) .

Lack of time - I dunno, maybe till 2030, but again, I have time, so fuck it.

Available locations - I have a personal desolate place picked for that, away from potential government enforcers finding me on time or ambulances trying to pro life their way under my skin. Not even a hotel, I kid you not!

CTB dates I do not have anymore, deadlines or such, not ever since the first OG try in 2008 August 31st. :)

When it comes, it comes! And it better be!

With all due honesty though, just don't add this as an option to the pole, there is this... Person I have been visiting as of lately, she is very kind.
A girl with a specific job, if you catch my meaning. Sadly, that's all there will be and when I am offing myself, she like everyone else that mattered to me will be gone like tears in the rain as it always has been. But hey, nice to get closure with such a person, it means I did that much at least!

 

[FuneralCry]

Because I exist in this horrific, dreadful anti-suicide world where suicide is seen as a crime with the suffering and torture of existing seen as to force and prolong no matter what, it's all so terrible and dreadful to me.

I always suffer so much from how I cannot just have the option to cease existing peacefully with no more pain and no more suffering and I suffer simply from existing, it's suffering only non-existence can bring me relief from, non-existence is just all I see as desirable, I just wish to be permanently free from the abomination of existence and to me existence will always feel like a mistake, it's one that just causes endless amounts of harm and suffering with no limit as to how much one can be tortured until non-existence takes away all anyway.

 

[UglyLife82]

Cowardice

 

[itsgone2]

Cowardice

That's what I was thinking. Like, I just can't seem to go through with it.

 

[eggsausagerice]

i wake up and i see my kitty cat. then i pet him because he still likes me. i'm waiting to get my license so that i can drive to a bridge/drive myself to the woods for hanging. ubers are expensive so it costs me more money to back down from my choice. i can't hang myself in my family's house because the walls are too thin.

 

[WhatCouldHaveBeen32]

Rage at the world, I'm stuck between vengeful and longing for death everyday!

 

[Ligottian]

Fear of fucking up my attempt and winding up worse than I am, Fear of what comes after. The usual things.

 

[darksouls]

have not found a compatible partner, fear of afterlife, fear of a failed attempt

 

[elenaboo25]

It is really depressing to see that (at the moment I'm writing this) the top answer by far is lack of resources (to ctb)

It seems as if the world we live in does not want us to die, but also does not want us to get better, as resources are lacking in that regard as well. So what are we supposed to do?

 

[telekon]

mine aren't there which would be

1) fear of what comes after
2) curiosity to see if things might get better one day

 

[struggles_inc]

My enemies. A bunch of people will be happy if I died. Unironically, there are people who struggle with my presence.
Then, my family would be heartbroken. Especially my mother who gives me her everything.

So here you have it.

 

[NonEssential]

I feel like I want to go at the end of this year, but I've yet to find a hanging spot to be 100% confident in

 

[cemeteryismyhome]

Stupid sense of responsibility toward wife and adult kids. It's annoying as heck because I'm too weak to kick that aside and end this useless waste of a life.

 

[persepexa]

Lack of resources is a big one, currently looking for alternate methods

 

[vitbar]

Because despite it all I do love many things about living.

 

[_Gollum_]

Waiting for the suicide clause in my life insurance to expire and waiting for my little brother to graduate (he dropped out and it was a very long, arduous road to get him back to school, so there's no way in hell I'm ruining that)

 

[Lycoris]

The only things keeping me here is retraumatizing my younger brothers who I promised I would get better after having them find me in the bathtub unconcious when they were children. Other than that, being afraid of permanence in either direction... Im scared of my life being full of suffering and not having really tasted real happiness, but i'm also scared of the finality of death and knowing it'll be the most important final decision i'll ever make. I promised myself i'd live without regrets after overcoming cancer and I hate how resilient I've been because I want to reach a point where not CTB feels like the obvious regret.

 

[Ethel]

Idk/not yet apparent reason I guess so

 

[Irisse]

I don't want to hurt my family and I want to finish college to fulfill my grandmothers wish.

 

[SarahThrowsGin]

I only want for my body to perish, not my will. That is what keeping me from CTB: I actually desire continuity which would not be exposed to harm, that will outlast any adversaries. I always work on some project in my free time, that may live a positive impact on someone (someone which I am not even likely to meet, a stranger who walked by and got inspiration to go further because I shown them what is possible), and when one project ends I immediately begin another.

 

[callousedhope]

Maybe selfishly i feel neutrally or even positively about people in my life thinking about me after death,, im happy for the efforts that ive made and the people ive met. that i want to kill myself doesnt negate those happy feelings and memories, its just going to happen anyway. i hope ive left a positive impression, etc

what really is stopping me is that i still believe on some level that i can keep going, that there something ill have been really glad to have participated in. If i can just keep racking up important special events and actions that ive gotten to take and make then i can keep holding on. When i believe i cant do it anymore im gone

 

[Macedonian1987]

My mother and dad - I dont want to hurt them. If it werent for them, I would have ctb years ago.

 

[Marbas]

So for me one thing is I've had quite a few failed attempts over the years. Failed attempts mean dealing with the reactions of people afterwards which for me was getting yelled at by relatives and medical bills. I'm not attempting again until I know for certain I can get it right this time.

 

[OnMyLast Legs]

I coach high school wrestling and I want the best for at least a few of the kids. Most of them are brats but I don't want to ruin the good ones' seasons/careers. It would be a big blow if the coach hanged himself on a random Wednesday. I can just do it later. I gotta keep meeting responsibilities for the next three months. But man, it seems like an eternity