A note from my 14 year old self

[lonergirl_26]

This was written 5 April 2020. The entire thing is a rant about not being "better". This was a month after my first known attempt and after my camhs sessions ended.

"future me if you're reading this I hope you're okay and clean and living your best life. Well a better one than you did when you were 14. I hope you have friends who actually care about you. Maybe a boyfriend or girlfriend. I hope you let go and learned how to love and be loved. And remember dont be ashamed of your scars don't hide them. I hope as soon as you turn 18 you got a tattoo. But well done for making it that far it can only get better from where you are"
It's so cringy. But she had so much hope that it would get better. I feel like I've failed her.
I'm 19 now and my body is covered in scars. I can't let anyone see them. I would rather wear a jumper and trousers in 30 degree heat than let my mum see my scars. I have 1 friends that truly cares for me and another friend/boyfriend who thinks he cares for me.
I'm still in the same position I was then. This time I know now it won't get better.

 

[XXXTENTACION]

This post literally brought tears to my eyes. I feel so sad but at the same time close to you, I know the feeling x

 

[Doll Steak]

I bet I have some note to future me that I wrote for something in elementary, but fuck dude, if I read that and compare to where I am now... damn

 

[Traveller12724]

The note is really not cringy, it reads of someone who hoped for a better future. Sadly you never got there and I understand why you would feel like you failed her somehow. I am not gonna preach to you that things will get better or anything like that because we both know what a bitch life in this world can be but if you think you still got some time, maybe try to check off some of the things that girl wanted.