I'm hitting a new low multiple times a week now. Today it's just the worst I've ever been, again, incomparable to what was, say, a week ago. I've never had a situation where I felt this helpless, hopeless and eager to die. It sucks that I can't act on impulses, otherwise I'd order sn right now.
I was planning to wait for many years, until I could retire my parents, to only die then. But I'm really recontemplating everything. Maybe I should go sooner.
The worst part is that in this particular instance it really is "a permanent solution to a temporary problem" - a phrase I so vehemently hate, but it's so applicable. But not really - the situation I'm going through can be generalized into life long episodal suffering. I don't want it.
I was planning to wait for many years, until I could retire my parents, to only die then. But I'm really recontemplating everything. Maybe I should go sooner.
The worst part is that in this particular instance it really is "a permanent solution to a temporary problem" - a phrase I so vehemently hate, but it's so applicable. But not really - the situation I'm going through can be generalized into life long episodal suffering. I don't want it.
