Abused, used, lied to, stolen from, manipulated,
By the very same people who I once grew up with,
Those who I once adored and admired,
Even by the girl I once loved,
Sorry, I burnt down that fort,
Sorry, for leaving you in the woods with a ball gag,
Sorry, I wasn't good enough,
Sorry, for my past, present, and future sins,
My virtues are dying or maybe I never had any,
Sorry, for being soulless but being with you made me feel like I had a soul,
Even better a soulmate,
May I die in this world painlessly and peacefully,
If I could take it all away,
I'd initiate the 2020 mark,
Where all sins are forgiven and forgotten,
All evidence goes away,
May Death take me peacefully,
May Hell be Annihilated,
May I go back to the Heavens and the Earth,
Or back to the void where I once came from.
I wish I could sit down with my loved ones
And explain that none of this is their fault.
Instead I lay here on this couch all day
And chat to my little online cult.
Understanding is rare and fleeting.
I don't often feel safe, but I feel safe here.
Sharing deepest thoughts with strangers;
Anonymity shields me from fear.
This speaks to me,
So loud yet so quiet,
This online cult for it seems to be another family,
Almost like friends who never met,
Sharing our deep darkest times within our own making of our own history of life,
Based off of our own experiences,
Within this reality,
Which don't get me wrong life is as beautiful as it is ugly,
Painful yet pleasurable,
Sufferable and insufferable,
With and without,
Of all contradictions,
And constants and variations of ourselves,
May we all find peace.