A fear that is new to me... The fear of eternal loss of consciousness

[EternalAgony]

I have wanted to die for around 6 or 7 years, and I don't remember having this fear before.
It occurred to me i think a few months ago, I don't know what I was doing but I was thinking about killing myself and.... it suddenly hit me.
I always believed that there is nothing after death, I still believe that, and I always knew it would be a total loss of consciousness but... The thought of it never gave me this strange uneasiness and a bit of fear before. I don't know what caused this. Around that time I did LSD but I don't remember if it was after or before...
Don't get me wrong, never dying and living an infinite amount of time like a god is scary too.
But my confusion comes from the fact that I started feeling this fear of completely disappearing recently.
Why did I not feel it before?
Maybe it's because I have genuinely made a complete plan?
It's not a strong enough fear for me to want to take the pain of simply being myself, but it's still sad to me that the idea of death, which was once my biggest source of relief, now has this meaningless negativity attached to it.
I want to know what others also think...

 

[DivineSpark]

I got illogical fear of hellfire and eternal damnation, but then again, my life on this planet is hell anyway.

 

[SVEN]

I'd guess that the more "real" the approaching act of ctb becomes, rather than just being an academic concept, the more likelihood of the "self" revolting against the imagined annihilation becomes.
After all, if there truly is nothing after death then it just becomes like the memory we (don't) have of prebirth.

 

[EternalAgony]

I got illogical fear of hellfire and eternal damnation, but then again, my life on this planet is hell anyway.

I know I said that "I always believed that there is nothing after death" but it's not true I was a believer when I was around 15 or 16, because I was just grasping at straws... Even before that though I feared hell, it was only after a couple months of being a believer and realizing the total bullshit of it, that I stopped fearing hell because only after I really cared and looked into religion, I could be a non-believer.

I'd guess that the more "real" the approaching act of ctb becomes, rather than just being an academic concept, the more likelihood of the "self" revolting against the imagined annihilation becomes.
After all, if there truly is nothing after death then it just becomes like the memory we (don't) have of prebirth.

Yeah, that's my guess too.

 

[Pale_Rider]

I can relate. Ive most worried about an afterlife, but I have considered eternal loss of consciousness, and its very sad also.