cath55555
Addict with a Pen
- Feb 5, 2022
- 63
*been drafting some notes lately. I need to say this somewhere though. I can't hide things in a secret digital folder forever. I need some record that I was here, that I am here, even if not for long.*
to my mother,
I'm sorry I wasn't a better child. I'm sorry I wasn't perfect and I'm sorry that you'll likely find me. please look after the cats. they'll be sad, please please look after them.
to my father,
I'm sorry that you left, and moved on. I should have reached out, but I guess I got your temper. I never did forgive easily.
to my friends,
oh boy. where do I even begin? I love you all more than I've ever told you, and I wish I had the guts to tell you how I feel. I wish I could warn you in a way that would mean you wouldn't feel bad for failing to stop me, and I wish that it didn't have to end like this. I'll miss you all, so fucking much, all of you. you made the last days bearable, you brought joy to me that I wasn't sure I had it in me to feel. I'm sorry if you feel like the pieces are scattered but believe me, this is not your fault. any of you. I really am sorry. I love you.
to my cats,
even though you can't read this, I love you too. I hope there are belly rubs and treats and head scratches and so, so much love for you in the future. wherever I end up, you're with my heart. I love you. I'm sorry that you won't understand. boy, I fucking hope you know how much adoration I held for you. I'm sorry that I won't be there to cuddle you or comfort you during fireworks any more.
to everyone else,
in a world made of razor wire and broken glass, you can be spiky and harsh or you can choose to pick up your broken shards and reflect the light. I hope that you choose kindness. I hope that you choose love. I hope you don't become this way.
-Cath.
to my mother,
I'm sorry I wasn't a better child. I'm sorry I wasn't perfect and I'm sorry that you'll likely find me. please look after the cats. they'll be sad, please please look after them.
to my father,
I'm sorry that you left, and moved on. I should have reached out, but I guess I got your temper. I never did forgive easily.
to my friends,
oh boy. where do I even begin? I love you all more than I've ever told you, and I wish I had the guts to tell you how I feel. I wish I could warn you in a way that would mean you wouldn't feel bad for failing to stop me, and I wish that it didn't have to end like this. I'll miss you all, so fucking much, all of you. you made the last days bearable, you brought joy to me that I wasn't sure I had it in me to feel. I'm sorry if you feel like the pieces are scattered but believe me, this is not your fault. any of you. I really am sorry. I love you.
to my cats,
even though you can't read this, I love you too. I hope there are belly rubs and treats and head scratches and so, so much love for you in the future. wherever I end up, you're with my heart. I love you. I'm sorry that you won't understand. boy, I fucking hope you know how much adoration I held for you. I'm sorry that I won't be there to cuddle you or comfort you during fireworks any more.
to everyone else,
in a world made of razor wire and broken glass, you can be spiky and harsh or you can choose to pick up your broken shards and reflect the light. I hope that you choose kindness. I hope that you choose love. I hope you don't become this way.
-Cath.
