C
ConfuseTHEneck
Member
- Dec 10, 2020
- 8
I have contemplated this for a while now. I will CTB in January, ideally on the 7th or 15th. I can't take it anymore, but I need 'enough' days to prepare. I have decided to hang myself. There is a nice big tree in my yard, I believe it will be perfect for me to hang. I need to order some rope - I am thinking of nylon, however if there is a better suggestion, please, tell me - On the days leading up to it, I will starve and drink very small amounts of water, I might also torture myself because of how much I deserve it, I will also put a pillow case over my head and tie my hands, so that I cannot escape from doing it, it will be done. I don't care that I'm 18, I don't care that I have a future, I will never experience even a hint of happiness in my life. I'm very skinny, I can't help it. I have both anxiety and social anxiety; I twitch and shake all the time. I am nothing. I am a monster, a diseased and pathetic waste of existence. I am a pestilence, I am a decaying livestock that deserves agony. People around me ignore and are afraid of me, every time I go to school, people don't talk to me, many tell me that I will "shoot up the school," no, I will not harm others, only myself. I do not judge, nor be rude to anyone, and yet, I receive it all. I give up. I am an animal. Now, I need to prepare and rest, and enjoy my last days and holidays on this planet. kyrie eleison