Story A Day in the Life (journal/poetic)

[Rounded Apathy]

I had the thought to write something like this in the creative writing megathread, but then thought maybe I would write more than one and didn't want to hog the space (though I'll likely give up on it before long like everything else). So I'll start my own thread. Basically a place for me to stream-of-consciousness-ed-ly slam out some stupid words of my impressions of an ending or just-ended day. For fun I thought I'd number them based on the number of days I've lived, and after using a tool online to determine that, yikes - it's been a lot of days. Anyway...

#11,968
wake up, fear again right away. do i have to shit right away? like yesterday? will i have any time for me?
i have some time, i read my course notes. i get hungry - daylight savings' end. my body knows when food "should" come
eat. shit. doesnt feel good. just feel those awful growing rhoids. the doctor - has she really not made that referral? have i waited months for nothing?
i languish. i cry. silently, so the house full of straight older cis-men dont hear me. i fall asleep, unintentionally, without biteguard. must really be bad for that to happen.
i wake up. roll about. reddit. Brendan Fraser? a new movie? my god, he's wearing prostetics but look how hes changed. the ravages of time. side-by-side photos. a vanity fair article. surgeries, seven years' medical needs. sexual harassment - who knew? fame and money dont buy happiness, its true.
my pain in my ass is a pain in the ass. force some more food in me - no weight to spare. continue being sad about brendan fraser. why is this making me so sad? i remember the mummy. i remember blast from the past. look at him now. maybe if i had seen him over the years, but he just transformed this way. its not right.
sleep again. why must i wake every time?
i should watch a movie or something maybe. i hate doing everything alone. i guess ill watch that lone one from the series from my youth. itll make me sad or not, who knows? its long. something to do.
breaks to eat. twice. its okay. sort of cringey. fucking anime. i miss when i lived in japan and hadnt been disillusioned. but you were cringey even when i was there and starry eyed.
movies over. at least im not thinking about brendan fraser. what did i do for three more hours? SaSu, reddit, hoping to connect. so many voices, no one to talk to.
everyone talking, so few things being said. such pain. i cant help, you cant help me. but i know we would if we could.
so beautiful, so terrible. so long the nights without a sun. time is frozen yet trickles on.
i dont want to sleep because i know tomorrow will be the same. maybe not brendan fraser, maybe not the disappearance of haruhi suzumiya. but itll be the same.
ill be in my bed, an island in a city of millions. so much to do, so little can actually be done.
im done. i am done. i sleep. tomorrow will be the same.

 

[A simple aid]

I had the thought to write something like this in the creative writing megathread, but then thought maybe I would write more than one and didn't want to hog the space (though I'll likely give up on it before long like everything else). So I'll start my own thread. Basically a place for me to stream-of-consciousness-ed-ly slam out some stupid words of my impressions of an ending or just-ended day. For fun I thought I'd number them based on the number of days I've lived, and after using a tool online to determine that, yikes - it's been a lot of days. Anyway...

#11,968
wake up, fear again right away. do i have to shit right away? like yesterday? will i have any time for me?
i have some time, i read my course notes. i get hungry - daylight savings' end. my body knows when food "should" come
eat. shit. doesnt feel good. just feel those awful growing rhoids. the doctor - has she really not made that referral? have i waited months for nothing?
i languish. i cry. silently, so the house full of straight older cis-men dont hear me. i fall asleep, unintentionally, without biteguard. must really be bad for that to happen.
i wake up. roll about. reddit. Brendan Fraser? a new movie? my god, he's wearing prostetics but look how hes changed. the ravages of time. side-by-side photos. a vanity fair article. surgeries, seven years' medical needs. sexual harassment - who knew? fame and money dont buy happiness, its true.
my pain in my ass is a pain in the ass. force some more food in me - no weight to spare. continue being sad about brendan fraser. why is this making me so sad? i remember the mummy. i remember blast from the past. look at him now. maybe if i had seen him over the years, but he just transformed this way. its not right.
sleep again. why must i wake every time?
i should watch a movie or something maybe. i hate doing everything alone. i guess ill watch that lone one from the series from my youth. itll make me sad or not, who knows? its long. something to do.
breaks to eat. twice. its okay. sort of cringey. fucking anime. i miss when i lived in japan and hadnt been disillusioned. but you were cringey even when i was there and starry eyed.
movies over. at least im not thinking about brendan fraser. what did i do for three more hours? SaSu, reddit, hoping to connect. so many voices, no one to talk to.
everyone talking, so few things being said. such pain. i cant help, you cant help me. but i know we would if we could.
so beautiful, so terrible. so long the nights without a sun. time is frozen yet trickles on.
i dont want to sleep because i know tomorrow will be the same. maybe not brendan fraser, maybe not the disappearance of haruhi suzumiya. but itll be the same.
ill be in my bed, an island in a city of millions. so much to do, so little can actually be done.
im done. i am done. i sleep. tomorrow will be the same.

dude pretty good stuff...it had some poetry in there....i just wanna say that though u may not find comfort in the outside world....u can find some here....im free to chat ...if ud like to improve somewhat the state of ur life...goodluck man

 

[Rounded Apathy]

#11,977
fuckyou fuckyou fuckyou fuckyou
howcanyoubesogoddamnunaware
you dont feel well? sure just stand there rummaging around in the living room without a mask for a covid test AS I NEED TO GET BY YOUfuckfuckfuckhead
it snowed. i woke up to snow, had to leave the house for a medical appointment that is fucking painful as goddamn balls. snow, and your stupid blind fucking inedptitude are the icing on the cake that is this miserable fucking day.
lets not even mentioned this crossing of paths happened on the way to the bathroom. my most (predictably) hated part of most days.
thanks. thanks a fucking lot. and same to you body, and universe, for your timing. literally fifteen seconds earlier and i wouldnt have had to walk by you AS YOU BACK UP TO FACE ME no less, not move forward or turn around oranyothergoddamnfucking smarter thing
i cant believe you're older than i am. by that many years
i can't believe anyone would be so fucking daft.
what a lovely wasted day this was. but wasted in a new way. just feelinglikemyheartsgonnaleapoutmathroat anyfuckingsecond.
and oh, of COURSE it's the week when im supposed to finally meet that friend to go to the game bar ive been wanting to see for MONTHS. of course. even if i dont catch it his partner is high risk and he should rightly be free to cancel.
and the next day i'm supposed to FINALLY meet my dead best friend's kid sister after six years. she has flaked so many times, disappeared before plans were made mostly so knowing full well it could happen again, we never got this filled out planning done.

will any of this happen? will i get a lil sniffle, will i get so incredibly sick i'll wish (even more) that I was dead? will i just die already? either way i have my SN now. I feel oddly comforted by it.

There is no low without high. just give up. don't fucking try to do anything. other people are shit. hell is other people - certain other people. like you