Venting a brat walking downtown

[ecmnesia]

sure, parents sucks, are abusive and this environment is toxic asf. mental illness, college pressures and also doesn't help. but as fucked up as it might be, i have a home, i have food, i am relatively secure.

walking downtown, facing the harsh reality which homeless people are immersed in is inevitable.

i am fucking brat for considering running away. this life is shitty. but there is so many nastier stuff all around. no human being should be reduced to such a state, it's cruel, inhumane. this world is fucking rotten.

how come I could possibly think running away was an option when i know what those people struggle with, when i know that I'd probably end up there too?

stupid. i am stupid brat.

i have fucking everything. a good career waiting for me, a cool graduation course, food, housing, clothes, medical care. and yet i am fucking miserable.

no brains, no body. can't study, can't work, can't do shit. i wish I could help people, but let's face it, i don't have the strength to give what it takes.

i am a brat and i am weak. death is the only path that'll give me peace.


[don't take this personally, this is for me, and me only]

 

[foxdie]

You're full of compassion for you're fellow human, not a brat imo. But I understand the guilt, it's so overwhelmingly draining. One of the biggest reasons I want to die is the utter helpless I feel to help anyone in this world despite my privileged position in life. I totally feel this.

 

[toseeyousmile]

Though I don't really know much of your circumstances I do think that whatever agony you feel is genuine so you shouldn't be too harsh on yourself for feeling bad about feeling bad about your situation.

 

[Symbiote]

I thought the same way at some point, then I realized that those people don't live in my life, or at least not share the same brain as me therefore cannot think of a solution to an issue that drives me insane, while I don't live in their shoes, dealing with their mental disorders or drug addictions or problems in their life. They wouldn't be sad if I died because they don't know me, I wouldn't be too sad if they died, because of the same reasons. We all have different ways of coping, some of it works for us, while others do not. There will always be worst things than what is going on around us, but all of us can choose how to solve it and we shouldn't be judged by our actions for it.

 

[justsad&done]

Sounds to me like you are the opposite of a brat. You are caring and compassionate...try not to be so hard on yourself

 

[Gaybonez]

Thank you for sharing. What is something you enjoy doing? You must enjoy some type of hobby or anything. I mean it can even be of sexual nature. Why don't you try writing down on a piece of paper one or two achievements you have completed, such as high school, and then do a hobby you enjoy. It sounds dumb, but it might work in the long run to change your thoughts a bit. I also want to ask do you ever have periods of feeling "normal" or happy? For a few days or weeks perhaps?

 

[Ghost2211]

It makes me sad to hear you speak so harshly of yourself. You're a very caring and compassionate person. You're working toward a career to help others, and it's such a hard road to get there. Your feelings are valid, and it doesn't make you a brat to be overwhelmed.

 

[JustABunchOfAtoms]

You aren't a brat