9 hours to go!

[ExitiumVitae]

Hello internet!
I'm going to end my life in 9 hours. I have booked a hotel room and there are so many ligature points to choose from! I originally joined this forum because I was tired of failing. I have learned a lot about how to hang myself. When I first joined this site, I hung myself a million times without ever losing consciousness, which frustrated me. Then I could pass out at any time, but the thrashing made it hard to keep the noose fully tight all the time. I was also really scared of coming out alive with brain damage or paralysis. I have gathered a lot of knowledge and I feel I am fully prepared to do it. I really wanted to pass away peacefully in my room, I really tried to find a way to do that, but there are no good ligature points here. What I am going to do is I'm going to attach the rope to the handle of the bathroom, throw my rope over the door and tie a noose on the other end. I will be fully suspended, but I will keep my chair nearby so I can back down at any time.

I want to thank you all for giving me a wonderful place where I can be open and honest about ctb without judgement. You have all been supportive, interesting and kind people. Thank you for accepting me with open arms and I'm glad to have the pleasure to know this place. I have spent the last few months on this forum feeling understood and comforted. I hope you will all get the peace you are after, whether it's in life or after ctb. I am at peace with my decision, in fact I am kinda excited! I do feel horrible for the pain I am about to cause, the guilt is eating me up inside, but I won't suffer from that anymore.

I want to give a special thanks to my favorite member on the forums @ColorlessTrees. You are such a compassionate and intelligent person, talking with you is the best way to spend a last day on earth!

In 33 hours, if I'm still alive I will post on this thread, documenting what went wrong or why I failed. If there is no post after 33 hours, it means I've successfully passed away.
Goodbye everyone! Stay awesome!!

 

[ColorlessTrees]

Aww, thank you so much. I'm so happy if I was able to offer something, however small. I'll think of you whenever I listen to Lifelover, and The Eternal from now on. It was a pleasure talking to you, even if it was only for a short while. All the peace and love in the world to you.

 

[Somber]

I'm sorry to see you go, but wish you as an painless as possible attempt. I believe you when you say you'll be back if it fails. If it succeeds and you catch that bus, save us a seat. Be safe.

 

[someonelse]

Wow you sound like a really thoughtful, smart person. I'm really sorry to see you go. I am planning to ctb on Saturday (SN) if I have the nerve. I'm sorry we didn't get to know one another better but I'm glad you made connections in your last days. Like you, I have found so much comfort on this site and met some very kind, considerate people. I wish I could muster your excitement to ctb, but I do relate to the guilt. I hope you find peace.

 

[_Minsk]

I wish you all the best and safe travels, may you find peace if you decide otherwise, i wish you all the best as well

 

[Lifeless mindset]

Best of luck

 

[FuneralCry]

I'm sorry for all the suffering that has brought you to this point. I can imagine it must be a relief to feel at peace with everything. I wish you the best in whatever happens.

 

[TerminalConscience]

I hope you find peace.

 

[Starchaser]

That's a very difficult method for me, probably would be the last or one of the lasts in my list.
Hope everything goes well, see ya on the other side!
Best wishes.

 

[Journeytoletgo]

I hope you find the peace desired

 

[ExitiumVitae]

I'm sorry, I failed. I got physically hindered from ctb.

 

[Dot]

I'm sorry, I failed. I got physically hindered from ctb.

Nt nd 2 apolgse 2 n.e.1

Hpe u r ok

 

[onleana]

I'm sorry, I failed. I got physically hindered from ctb.

don't apologise!!! suicide isn't easy. you are always welcome here. im very sorry you are suffering. sending you lots of hugs friend

 

[ColorlessTrees]

I just want to put out a small update I believe to be important; I hope they don't mind. I'm trying to keep it vague as possible, since I don't want to "draw attention".

Please be careful! It seems—I don't know how exactly or if it's possible, but it seems to have happened here—that authorities in some countries keep watch or look for potential "keywords" in google documents, or they keep track of this site somewhat. It could also be that the doc led them here. In this case, it caused an intervention. It's kind of terrifying, because they didn't have any identifying information of their whereabouts on here. It doesn't seem common, but I suppose there are interventional lurkers.

On a better note, they did not get hospitalized, and I'm currently keeping in touch with them. I don't want to say too much, but things should be "all right", eventually. It probably wouldn't be a bad idea to lock this thread, but I don't know. Stay safe, everyone.